


The Things I Do To Live

by one_hell_of_an_otaku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hospitals, M/M, Minor Violence, Shameless Smut, heart problems, i mean look at these tags how are u not ready to cry, or DO YOU NOT READ THESE, you better be ready to fucking cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-25 09:04:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 55,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_hell_of_an_otaku/pseuds/one_hell_of_an_otaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU where Eren works at a sex club and does "work" with his clients. But, is he expecting for his next client to turn out so perfectly?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for the fic idea goes to tumblr user, caringwasmyfall  
> She gave me the idea and allowed to write a fic for it ^.^  
> Be sure to go and follow her ;D

Does my makeup look good? Ugh, I really should get somebody to help me with this. “Hey, Armin!” I called out. “Can you come help me with my makeup? I can’t get my eyeliner on my right eye.” I looked in the mirror, eyeliner in hand, waiting for Armin to come over and help me. He’s way more experienced with makeup than I am.

“Huh?” he muttered. “Oh, yeah, sure, I’ll be right there Eren.” Armin laced up his boot and walked over to help me. He was wearing the same thing I was. Our outfit consisted of a couple of harnesses and belt buckles, along with a brown jacket that cut off at our waists. Our boots had laces and went all the way up to our knees. (I don’t know why we bother with these fancy shoes since they take forever to take off.)We also had on a thin, light tan shirt on under the jacket and harness. It was kind of uncomfortable, but it looked fucking great on me.

“Here, give me that,” Armin said. He took the eyeliner out of my hand and started applying it to my waterline. He also decided that he would give me wings for my eyes. I really don’t know why we put on this makeup crap since it ends up getting smeared when we do our jobs. “And, I’m done.” Armin put the eyeliner on the vanity table and put his hands on my shoulders.

I smiled as Armin furrowed his brow. My guess was that he was trying to do another serious expression of me. Well, he won’t last long anyways. He always ends up laughing before fifteen seconds are up. In three, two, one. Right after I thought one, Armin busted out laughing.

“Armin, just admit it,” I sighed. “You can’t ever look like me when I’m angry. It’s about time you stopped trying.” A smile crept onto my face as I put my arm around his shoulders. I used my other hand to rub his hair to hear a fit of even more laughter burst from his mouth.

“Eren! Quit it! This took me almost an hour to get my hair completely straightened!” Armin pulled away from my grasp and started patting his hair down with a smile on his face. “Anyways, how does your hair stay like that? You don’t even need to comb it or anything.” Armin has always been jealous of my hair. I don’t really know why it’s like how it is, but Armin seems to think that I have some supernatural abilities to keep it straight.

“Well, I think it’s because,” I started. I was about to continue when both Armin’s and my managers came into our dressing room. I really hate our managers. Well, I hate my manager. His name is Jean Kirschtein. He looks like a horse and he treats me like crap. But, he does give me all the good clients that are willing to pay an extra buck or two. But, Armin’s manager is the nicest guy alive. His name is Marco Bodt. The only thing weird about him was that he was in a car accident when he was younger so he lost vision in his right eye. Plus he has some weird skin condition that makes the right side of his body a pale gray. But, other than that, he’s pretty normal. He’s always nice to Armin and he even manages to get him good customers without putting him down.

The only thing I don’t get is how our managers are dating. I mean, Jean is a total asshat while Marco is like fucking Jesus Christ or some shit. They’re total opposites. I don’t even know why Marco loves somebody as shitty as Jean.

“Eren,” Jean sighed. He crossed his arms and leaned on the doorframe. “You have a client in room three. Hurry up and leave.” I really hate Jean. Why can’t he be more like Marco? 

Marco stepped inside the dressing room and made his way over to me. “Don’t mind him,” he whispered in my ear. “He’s just angry because I told him no more drinking on the job. Do your best, Titan Shifter.” That was my stage name. Marco decided to call me that since I could go from acting innocent, to going full on sex demon. Creative name when you think about it.

“I will, sir,” I said. I watched as he walked over to Armin and shook his hand.

“You have a client in room six,” he said. “Do your best, Shota.” That was Armin’s stage name. They said they would call him Shota since he looked cute and stuff. I don’t really see it, but it doesn’t matter what I think. The clients don’t know anything about us so they can’t really say our stage names don’t fit us.

“I’ll try my hardest!” Armin exclaimed. For our line of work, it’s really weird how excited Armin is for doing his job.

We work at a sex club. I’m not gonna sugarcoat anything, so you’re going to hear the full out truth. It really sucks here. Basically, we have clients and they get to request us. We have our picture and (sexual) information about us pinned in the lobby where they can request to make an appointment with us. They go to the station where our managers are and tell them they want that specific worker. Then they set a time for us and then it’s off to work. And I think you know what kind of work we do in a fucking club like this. You also may be wondering why I’m working here, but I’ll save that story for some other time.

“Alright,” I said. “Hold your horses, Jean.” I laughed when I said horses and had to cover my mouth. I ran out of the door before he could hit me upside the head and went to find room three. Room three was my room that I did business in, so it’s not like I’m doing it on somebody else’s bed. It’s more like, I’m getting people to come into my room to do things. But, that doesn’t really matter considering this place buys a shit load of fucking sheets.

I stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath. I didn’t even know what my client looked like. But, most likely, it was a guy. Jean likes to be a dick and says that I won’t take women, so I only get these old perverts who have nothing better to do than have sex with some random stranger. The only difference between us is that I’m not an old pervert. 

I let out the breath I was holding and put my hand on the doorknob. There’s no turning back now.


	2. The Client

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren walks into his usual room to find his newest client. But, is he expecting his client to know exactly what he's doing?

When I opened the door, there was a man in there. Fucking Jean. I’m gonna kill that bastard. But, what didn’t strike me as weird was that he was a man, but how surprisingly short he was. He couldn’t be over 5’5”. I couldn’t even tell how old he was, but it’s not like it matters in my line of work. Sometimes I get creeps who are like over 40 years old. Those are the weird ones.

He must’ve caught me staring at him since he crossed his arms and tapped his hand on his forearm. “Well, are you just gonna stand there like a fucking idiot or are you going to do your job?” he growled. So he was one of those. He’s the pushy, demanding type I assume. I just hope this guy doesn’t do anything humiliating, painful, weird, or anything along those lines. 

“Oh, uh, sorry,” I muttered. Looks like I already fucked up the sexy approach. I have to find another way to get him interested in me. But, I don’t think it’ll be easy. He looks really unapproachable and I don’t even think he wants to be here.

I closed the door behind me and walked over to him, swaying my hips a bit. I stopped in front of him and put my hands behind my back, all the while I tried to plaster a smile on my face. “How do you want me, sir?” I said as innocently as possible. This approach was a little harder to do, but they don’t call me the Titan Shifter for nothing.

He stayed sitting on the bed, his right leg crossed over the other. His arms were still crossed, but he unfolded them; probably because he wanted me to do something already and get this over with. Trust me dude, I want to get the fuck out of here as much as you do.

“Do whatever you want, kid,” he muttered. He turned his head away so I wouldn’t see the slight blush forming on his cheeks, but Jean taught me to always pay attention to their face. Depending on how their expression looks, you can always tell what they want. Well, almost always. This guy was unreadable. The only thing I know about him is that he probably gets embarrassed by saying stuff like that. Hell, I don’t even know his name. But, it’s better if I don’t, right?

He uncrossed his legs when I pushed him back on the bed. At least he was being cooperative. I hovered over him, rubbing in between his crotch with my knee. Apparently I wasn’t doing a very good job since his expression didn’t change at all. Looks like I have to excite him another way. 

I was about to make my next move when he turned me over. This time, he was sitting on my waist, arms crossed yet again. I was about to ask what he was doing when he spoke. “Strip.”

Wait, strip? So, he wants to get his fulfillment by watching me do things by myself. I really hate this job. But, it’s not like I have any other choice. I mean, I did drop out of high school. But, I guess I have to do whatever I can to pay the bills.

The man got off of me so I could do what he asked. He crawled off the bed and I stood in front of him. I took off the boots and harnesses without any complications, but when I started to take off my jacket and shirt, he stopped me.

“No, no no,” he said. “That’s not how you do it. Look, I’ll show you how to do it.” Then, he made me sit on the bed and watch him. I thought I was supposed to be working, not taking strip lessons from some 35 year old pervert.

He kicked off his black dress shoes and slid his jacket off to the floor. Then, he crossed his arms like an X and grabbed the ends of his white shirt. He took it off slowly, letting it slide smoothly over his head. While he slid it off, I could help but notice how muscular he was. He wasn’t buff like you see those guys in wrestling matches, but he wasn’t frail either. Sure, he was a thin dude, but you could see how well toned his abs were. I could see all the bumps and lines of his well built body. Somehow, he ended up making be a bit jealous of him. Anybody in my line of work would. He has the perfect body and his face is attractive. The only problem was his height.

“Now do it like I showed you,” he ordered. He was demanding, but I didn’t mind it. It’s not like he was doing it forcefully like my other clients. He would let me do things at my own pace.

I got up from the bed while he sat down. I stood in front of him and took off my shirt the exact same way he did his. I earned a tiny clap in return. “Now, let’s see if you can do the same with your pants. But, to be honest, if you’re going to be doing stuff like this, you might want to make your pants not so tight.”

I rolled my eyes and moved my hands down to my waistband. “It’s not like I have a choice with these outfits. I’m just glad this one isn’t as slutty as the other ones they make us wear.” I slid off my pants and let them drop to the floor, along with my shirt and shoes.

The man looked at me. Stupid pervert. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto the bed. He straddled my hips and moved his mouth next to my ear. He began touching me anywhere he could get his hands on, except for the area in between my legs. Figures he’d do something like that. He’s gonna get me all excited and then tease me and make me beg for him to touch me. That’s what they always do.

“Why don’t we try something a little different?” he whispered. His voice ran through my ears, giving me Goosebumps and sending shivers down my spine. “Just go with it, alright kid? Now, what’s your name?”

“E-Eren,” I gasped. One of his hands had moved to my hair and was tugging on it gently. That bastard found one of my weaknesses without even trying. But, who cares about that right now? What I should be worried about is the fact that I didn’t give him my stage name. Fuck. He really knows how to get to me, doesn’t he?

“That’s a pretty decent name,” the man muttered. “Oh, and Eren, I’ll try to be as gentle as possible. I wouldn’t want to leave you incapable of using your legs for an entire week.” He snickered and moved his free hand to my chest. He ran it over my stomach, moving up to my chest, and stopping next to my nipple. He planted his lips on mine before squeezing my nipple with his fingers. He stuck his tongue in my mouth, and before I knew it, I was already trying to fight with him and take dominance over the kiss. How’d that happen?

He squeezed and rubbed my nipple, tugging on it occasionally. Meanwhile, in the mouth area, I had already given up and let his tongue roam freely in my mouth. I sucked on his bottom lip while he continued to do whatever he wanted. He was pretty dominant, but in a good way. Most people like to be on top, but when they are, their kisses are sloppy and gross and they don’t even know what they’re doing. But, this guy knows how to make me moan.

Speaking of moaning, I have no idea how he managed to make me do that. But, he did get two of my three weak points. If he ends up finding the third, I’m going to kick his ass. Well, maybe he’d kick mine, but you kind of get what I’m trying to say here.

And there we have it. My third weak point has been discovered.

He moved his lips down to the back of my ear and started to make a trail of kisses down to my jaw line. He lifted my chin up a little so that way he could have better access to my neck. And, since I was temporarily paralyzed by the wave of kisses, I couldn’t resist. I gasped and let out tiny moans only to see him smirk. He’ll laugh his ass off when he sees me later on.

He continued to kiss me, but he moved down to my chest. And, you guessed it, he starting sucking on my nipple. Now, that drove me crazy. I bit my lip to try and keep some of them in, but the moans and cries of joy escaped my lips. I heard him chuckle to himself. That son of a bitch. 

I arched my back and clutched onto the bed sheet, my erection clearly visible. I guess he also seemed to notice because he stopped what he was doing, with both his hands and mouth, and pulled my boxers off of my legs. He spread my legs open and I think I saw a spark of amusement in his eyes. Now, most people would probably shut their legs, or something like that, but I was in heaven. And, when you’re in heaven, you don’t have time to think about what other people would do in a situation like this. You just have to go with it.

I turned my head away and covered my face with my arm. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of letting see my face at a time like this. But, as soon as he grabbed my length in his hands and moved the skin from the tip, my hand flew away from my face and clutched onto the bed sheet once again. So much for depriving him of seeing my face. I bit my lip to keep myself from making any more noise and shut my eyes.

He must’ve seemed to see how much I was trying to resist my urges because the second he put me in his mouth, I let out a gasp and had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out again. He swirled his tongue around and sucked while I lay there, panting and covered in sweat. I must look hideous, considering the fact that Armin gave me excess makeup that would just smear. Way to keep up your good looks, Eren.

“I can’t last much longer,” I panted. God dammit, he knew what he was doing.

“Go ahead, kid,” he said. “I’m ready when you are.” That voice just drives me crazy. He can say things like that with a straight face, and he can still manage to sound undeniably sexy, too. I clenched my teeth and bucked my hips so I could go further in his mouth. He pushed my hips onto the bed and kept his hand there to be sure that I didn’t do that again. 

He sucked one final time before I released myself into his mouth, only to have him swallow it all. He got up and licked his lips. I shut my legs and tried to catch my breath. The man put his mouth next to my ear and whispered, “The name’s Levi,” before drowsiness overcame me. My eyes shut and I drifted into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everybody who's looking foward to the next chapter of this fic!!!
> 
> If you want to talk to me about, well, pretty much anything, you can find me at my tumblr ^.^  
> tokiyaismine.tumblr.com


	3. A Day Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Eren's day off, so he takes Mikasa and Annie to the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be cute for Mikasa to say Nii-chan

I opened my eyes to see Mikasa staring down at me. “Nii-chan!” she yelled. Her face lit up with a smile and she jumped on my stomach to hear a groan come from my mouth.

Mikasa is my younger adopted sister who’s only five years old. My parents adopted her when she was three and she’s been with me ever since. But, my dad left on her fourth birthday and we never saw him again. So, my mom was on her way to her new job a week or so after he left, but she got in a crash with a semi and died on impact. Most people would go into a state of depression, but I knew that I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t just leave Mikasa like that. I had to take care of her. And, taking care of her was my first priority. I dropped out of high school when I was 17 and found a job to keep paying the bills for both the house and the hospital.

Mikasa’s one of those kids who gets really sick out of nowhere, so she’s always in the hospital. I had to find a way to pay the bills, so I’ve been working in that club ever since. And it helps that I’m popular with the guys, so I always get tips and Jean sometimes even gives me some of his pay since he knows that I have to care for Mikasa. He’s a real jerk to me, but when it comes to Mikasa, he does whatever he can to help her out. Sometimes he even asks Marco to take over his shift so he can watch her when Mikasa’s babysitters aren’t available.

“Good morning, Mikasa,” I laughed. I sat up from my bed and saw Armin sitting in the chair on the other side of my room. I have a queen size bed I share with Mikasa, a brown dresser, and a black vanity table. My sheets are brown with white polka dots. And that’s pretty much my room. Well, I also have a picture of Mikasa, me, and mom on the dresser, but I don’t pay too much attention to it. “Morning… Armin? Armin, what are you doing here?”

Armin waved with a smile on his face and laughed. “After your last client left, you passed out on the bed. He must’ve really worn you out. You didn’t even wake up when Jean carried you to your car. I drove you here since Jean said something about being tired of your crap. So, I brought you here and kept Mikasa company while you slept.” Mikasa ran over to where Armin was sitting and he ruffled her black hair. Sure enough, she also had on the red scarf I gave her the first day she moved in with us.

Her parents had been killed in front of her eyes. Some guys were planning on kidnapping her, but her parents got in the way and died in the process. But, luckily, her neighbors had heard the screams and called the cops before they could grab her. She was sent into foster care and when my mom heard about her from the adoption agency, she demanded she see her papers so she could have a permanent family. I wanted her to feel welcome, so I gave her the scarf my grandma had given me when I was younger. I was really happy when I found out that she never wanted to take it off. Ever since, I’ve had a soft spot for little kids.

“Armin made me eggs this morning!” she squealed. “And he read me stories, too!” She threw her hands in the air and spun in a circle. She stopped spinning to fix her scarf over her mouth and walked over to the door. “I’m going to go draw you a picture, Nii-chan!”

I waved my hand as she ran to go find the paper and crayons. I turned over to Armin and shot him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Armin. You always take care of us so well. You’re a good friend, I mean it.” I met Armin on the job. I had to share a dressing room with him, and soon enough, we became best friends. Well, it was kind of like he was one of the few people who could tolerate me and allowed me to call them their friend.

“It’s no big deal, Eren,” he said. “I really like spending time with Mikasa. I get to read to her and have fun with her. It’s nice to be with Mikasa because I feel like I actually have a sibling who loves me.” That’s right. I forgot that Armin was an only child. His parents went on a plane to travel to Asia, but they had some difficulties and the plane ended up crashing. Everyone on board died. So Armin’s grandma and grandpa took him into their care. Then it was just Armin and his grandpa when his grandmother passed away in her sleep not long after he moved in.

“But really,” I said. “You help me out a lot. Oh, that reminds me. Did Jean say anything to you when he found me sleeping?” I pulled the blanket away from my legs and saw that I was wearing a pair of my boxers. “And, can you tell me who dressed me?! Oh my god. Fuck. I was naked when I fell asleep, wasn’t I? Please tell me Jean didn’t see my junk.” I put my hands over my face, trying to hide myself behind a wall of flesh.

Armin covered his mouth with his hand to try and stifle back a laugh. “You’re lucky that client of yours was kind enough to cover you in a blanket before he left. Jean just wrapped you in the sheet and carried you to the car. He didn’t see anything, I promise!” He took his right hand, clenched it in a fist, and put it over his heart. That was a little inside joke we made one day while we were putting on our outfits and makeup. It means ‘I swear’ or ‘I promise’; something along those lines. “But, I’ve seen you change enough times, so I was the one who put those on you. And, let me just say that you have a very colorful assortment of underwear.”

So, Armin was digging around in my drawers, I see. I’ll get him back soon enough. “Oh,” Armin said. His face lit up and he took his hand and tapped his finger on his chin. “Marco said that Reiner and Bert were going to take over our shifts and that we could have the day off tonight. Marco sure is nice, hm?”

Let me just emphasize this again. Marco is like fucking Jesus Christ or something. He’s like, some kind of Freckled Jesus. That name has a nice ring to it, don’tcha think? “Thank the heavens,” I said while falling backwards on my bed. “I think I’ll take Mikasa and Annie to the park then.” Annie was Reiner and Bertholdt’s adopted daughter. They decided to take their relationship to the next level and get a kid. Even though it’s weird for them to be in a relationship in their line of work, they know that it’s all business. They don’t seem to mind that their boyfriend has sex with random men and women every night.

“I would join you,” Armin said. “But Marco wants to talk to me in a bit. So, I guess I’ll head out now. Tell Mikasa I said bye!” Armin waved his hand, stood up from his chair, and left the room so he could let himself out. He’s a nice guy. But, I could never fall for him. I just don’t really think he likes men. That lucky bastard. Marco makes sure to emphasize that Armin only takes women, so he doesn’t have to go through what I do.

I got up from my bed and walked over to my dresser. I pulled open a drawer and took out some clean clothes to change into. “Mikasa!” I yelled. I heard her feet run through the hall and saw her stop at the door, a brown crayon in hand. “I’m going to take a shower real quick. After I get out, I’m going to get you changed and maybe I’ll take you and Annie to the park.”

The smile on her face was the thing that made my day.

-x-

After my shower, I put on a clean pair of boxers, some blue jeans, a blue shirt, and a red hoodie that said “Titans” on it in black bold letters. This was actually the sweater I wore on my interview, so Marco came up with the name “Titan Shifter.”

I slipped on a pair of black Converse and walked out of the bathroom to see that Mikasa had laid out her outfit on the floor in the living room. There was a light pink dress, a pair of black leggings, and black slip on shoes. And, of course, she was planning on wearing her scarf.

“Alright,” I said. “Time to get you all nice and pretty!”

Mikasa crossed her arms and pouted her lip. “Are you saying I’m not pretty already?” She always says this, and I always know what to say in order to make her smile.

I walked over to her and picked her up, spinning her in the air. “Did I say pretty? Oh no, I meant prettier! But, I don’t think that’s possible considering how beautiful you already are.” I kissed her cheek and set her down on the floor. “And when you get older, I’m gonna put makeup on you so you can look like a big girl. But, we can’t do it yet because you’re too young to wear makeup.”

I told Mikasa to take off her shirt (don’t worry, she had on a muscle shirt under her night shirt) and to put on the dress. Well, I had to help her with the dress. I slid it over her head and told her to put on her leggings. This she could do by herself. But, I had to put on her shoes. Ugh, I’ve been taking care of her by myself for almost a year now and I still can’t put on her shoes for her. What a smart one I am.

After her shoes were on, she wrapped her scarf around her neck and put her arms in the air. I picked her up, along with my car keys and phone. “Can we go get Annie now?” she asked. Annie’s her only friend. I don’t know how she ended up in the orphanage, but that doesn’t matter. As long as Mikasa has a friend the same age as her, everything was fine. What’s even better is that Annie can protect herself and Mikasa for the most part. She’s a tough kid.

“Alright, let me call her dad so I can tell him we’re coming over.” Mikasa nodded while I took out my phone. After three rings, Bertholdt picked up. “Hey, Bert,” I said.

“You better not be asking for any more favors,” he grumbled. “Reiner and I have to work double since Marco gave you and that blond kid the day off.”

“His name is Armin,” I stammered. I can’t let him distract me. “Anyways, can you get Annie dressed? I’m gonna take her and Mikasa to park and maybe she can spend the night, too. I’ll be over there in ten minutes so you can’t say no. Bye!” I pressed the “end call” button and put my phone in my pocket. There’s no way he can say no now.

“Let’s get in the car so we can go pick up Annie,” I said with a smile. It made me really happy that Mikasa had a friend. I really love to see her smile and I would do anything to make her happy.

I put Mikasa in her booster seat and strapped on her seatbelt. I sat in the driver’s side and drove my way over to Bert and Reiner’s house. I picked up Annie and put her in the car with the second booster seat I had in there. It was meant specifically for her. Oh, and what a surprise, Annie was wearing the exact same thing she always did.

She had on a pair of jeans, a pair of blue sandals, and a white sweater zipped up whatever shirt she decided to wear under it that day. Oh, and did I mention she was also wearing a blank expression like always? Well, it doesn’t mean anything. She’s always like that, even when she’s happy. But, sometimes, when she gets really excited, she’ll manage a tiny smile. Those are the happiest days for the two of them.

~

After a five minute long drive to the park, I opened their doors and walked them over to the play area. “Annie,” Mikasa said. “We should go on the monkey bars and show all the boys that we’re better than them!” Mikasa is a competitive little shit. I mean, I love this girl to death, but she always tries to be the best in everything. Just another trait she picked up from me.

Annie grinned a little and said, “Yeah, let’s do it.” She doesn’t really say much, and she’s quiet. But, when she doesn’t get her way, she’ll scream and cry until everything is how she wants it. Such a sweet little girl they have.

I sat down on the bench and watched them swing on the monkey bars, telling the boys that they were better than them. It was cute, really. The boys would say stuff like, “no way! You two are girls, so you can’t be better!” And then Mikasa and Annie would do the monkey bars perfectly and quickly without slipping the tiniest millimeter. Then when the boys tried, they would usual fall or slip just a little bit. It was kind of fun watching them underestimate those two.

“Can you just shut up already?” I turned my head to see where the voice came from.

It belonged to an all too familiar short man. He was apparently telling this girl with brunette-red hair. She was wearing glasses and from what I could tell, she was chattering excitedly about something that had to do with plants or some shit.

That’s when it all went spiraling down. That man, Levi, noticed me staring at them and his eyes met with mine. “Eren?” he said. Fuck. Last thing I needed was for him, the guy who gave me a blowjob the night before, to see me outside of work. Especially when Mikasa and Annie were around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I had to include the term, "Freckled Jesus" in there XD
> 
> I think i might start another SnK fic (an Ereri one) So, i might not upload a chapter every day. But, i might do it every other day. Sorry! I've had this idea in my mind and i really have the urge to write about it


	4. Why Don't We Have A Chat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi bump into each other at a park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love a protective Eren ^.^

Levi got up and stood in front of me where I was sitting on my bench. He put his hands on his hips and raised his eyebrows. “What are you doing here? I never would have expected to see you in a place like this.” I bit my lip and forced a smile.

“I’m here with my sister and her friend,” I said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I might have forgotten something in my car.” That’s when Mikasa and Annie ran up to me. Annie had a scratch on her elbow and Mikasa had a scratch on her face.

“Annie, Mikasa, what happened to you two?” Who hurt my babies? I swear to fucking god if I find who hurt them I will kill them. Well, maybe not, considering that I’d go to jail. I grabbed Annie’s arm and checked her cut. It wasn’t too deep. Only some skin was peeling off. I grabbed Mikasa’s face in my hands and stared into her eyes. Her eyes were watery and she was fighting back tears. “Let’s go get you two cleaned up. While I do that, I need for you to tell me what happened. I swear if those stupid boys laid a single finger on you, then I might end up going to jail.”

Mikasa giggled and I earned a small smile from Annie. “Nii-chan,” Mikasa said. “We’re fine. Those boys were telling Annie that she was stupid so she punched them in the face. She fell when they kicked her though, but she took care of them. I fell when Annie tripped me on accident, though. We’re okay.” Mikasa gave me a hug and a smile while Annie tugged on my sleeve.

“Who’s that?” she asked. I forgot that Levi and his friend were there. He was staring at me.

“Oh, that’s somebody I know, Annie,” I said. “Why don’t you and Mikasa go play while I finish talking with him?” She nodded and grabbed Mikasa’s wrist, dragging her to the park. She always did what she was told as long as she wanted to cooperate. I turned over to Levi and crossed my arms. “Well, is there something you needed?”

“Uh, nothing,” he stuttered. Looks like I caught him off guard. “It’s just that, for somebody in your line of work, I never would have expected for you to be so good with kids like that.”

That’s when his friend stood up and grabbed my hands into hers. She flashed a big smile and laughed. “My name’s Hanji! It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she said. “I don’t really know how you know Levi, but that doesn’t matter. Did you know how interesting plants are?” I could tell she was about to lecture me on the interesting aspects on plant life when Levi stopped her.

“Hanji,” he muttered. “Can you please, shut the fuck up already? Or so help me I will drug you and stitch that horrid mouth of yours shut.” He pressed his fingers to his temple and started rubbing his head. 

Hanji covered her mouth with her hands and sat down on the bench I was sitting on just a while ago. Did this Levi guy really have the power to sew somebody’s mouth shut? I better not test my luck with him.

“If that’s all you had to say, then I guess I’ll be going,” I said. I crossed my arms and made my way over to the play area where Mikasa and Annie were. They saw me and Mikasa practically dragged Annie to me because of how fast she was running. “Time to go, Mikasa,” I said. I picked her up in my right arm and Annie in the left. I walked across the park and stopped at the sidewalk when Mikasa wouldn’t stop squirming. “Mikasa, what is it?” I set her down and saw her run to Levi and Hanji. I ran behind her and tried to pick her up when she hit my arm.

Annie seemed to notice how upset I was getting because she started laughing. “Looks like Annie isn’t getting any ice cream,” I whispered. She covered her mouth with her hand like Hanji had earlier and tried to hold back her giggles.

“Are you Nii-chan’s friend?” I heard Mikasa ask. She was staring up at Levi and had her hands placed stiffly at her sides. It was pretty cute considering that her head was already a little bit past his waist.

Levi looked up at me and then back down at Mikasa. He crouched down and met her face-to-face. That didn’t take much effort. “I met your brother yesterday,” he said. His tone was delightfully cheerful for a man that looked as unsettling as he did. “But, I don’t think we’ll be running into each other anymore. But, you better take good care of him, alright?” He ruffled Mikasa’s hair and stood up straight, a smile plastered on his face.

Mikasa smiled bright and nodded, running towards me and grabbing my hand. She waved and next thing I knew, Levi and Hanji were both waving back. Did they have a soft spot for kids? They must have. Why else would they be at a damn park? I shot them a small smile and turned to walk away before either Levi or Hanji could register what I just did. That would be so fucking embarrassing if they found out.

I walked over to the car, Mikasa holding my hand and Annie in my arms. I set Annie down, unlocked the car, and put them both in before getting in myself. “So, Mikasa, Annie,” I said. “Did you two have fun?” 

Annie looked away from me and out the window. I swear sometimes she could be such a damn brat. “It was okay,” she muttered. Well, that means she had a little fun, right? Oh, what the fuck do I know? Of course it wasn’t fun for her. Ugh, I’m such a failure. I can’t even manage to keep a kid happy for a day.

“Nii-chan,” Mikasa said. Her voice didn’t sound cheerful. What the fuck did I do wrong? Don’t tell me she’s changing the god damn subject. “That man was really nice. I like him.” No. No, no, no, no, no. She cannot like Levi. Now way in hell will I try to associate with him.

“Well, I’m sorry, Mikasa,” I said. I turned my head around to look at her instead of through the rearview mirror. “I don’t think I’ll be talking to him again. I met him at work, so I don’t think we’ll meet again.”

A frown as clear as day overcame her face. How attached had she become with Levi within the minute she talked to him? Well, she likes anybody who’s nice to her, but he wasn’t doing anything special. “Mikasa, Annie, how about we go to McDonald’s and get some ice cream?” Annie and Mikasa nodded their heads in unison, a frown still visible on Mikasa’s face, and no expression on Annie’s. What a surprise.

-x-

When we got home, I told the girls to stay in the living room with their ice creams. I put on My Little Pony (Mikasa loves that show, I don’t know why) and walked into my room. I fell on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Should I try to become friends with that Levi guy? Well, the first impression he had of me probably was that I work at some whorehouse and had nothing better to do than sell my body to men. Well, that is partially true. Okay, mostly true. But, I think his impression of me may have changed when he saw me with Mikasa and Annie. Does this mean it’ll be easier to get to know him?

No, I can’t become friends with him. I don’t care if it’s for Mikasa’s sake. I don’t know if I can trust him. The only thing I do know about him is how good he is in bed. (He is a-fucking-mazing.) I don’t even know how good he is with people, much less kids. And if he makes any bad moves on Mikasa, then it’ll be on my conscience knowing that I tried to make him a part in my life.

Just then, Mikasa ran into my room, threw a paper on my face, and left. For a fucking five year old, that paper hurt. God damn, what is this anyways? I unfolded it and read the note. “Call me sometime,” it read. Then it had his number in black pen. He must’ve given it to her when I wasn’t looking. Well, there’s no way in hell that I’m ever going to call that bastard.

Mikasa came running back into the room, but this time with Annie. “I know what that says,” Annie muttered in her expressionless voice. “And I told Mikasa what it means, too.” Damn, that girl is smarter than I expected. Who knew she could read? Well, she is five years old already. But, I should be more surprised at how Mikasa can’t read something as easy as that.

“Can we call him, Nii-chan?” Mikasa pleaded. “Please!” Why did he have to give her that paper? Now she’s going to keep whining. She might be an angel, but I never said anything about her being the perfect child.

“Mikasa,” I said. I sat up in the bed and put my hands in my lap. “I barely know him. I only met him once while I was at work. You don’t even know his name. We shouldn’t call him anyways. We’d only be a bother.” I folded the paper back up and set it on my pillow. 

I was about to get up and tell Mikasa to go to the living room with Annie so we could draw or something, but my phone rang. I picked it up and looked at the screen. Now, let me just tell you now. I have a shit memory. So, when I saw a number I didn’t know on that screen, I just thought it was somebody with the wrong number. But no, I was so wrong. I never even bothered to see if the number Levi gave Mikasa and this one matched. I’m just that stupid.

So, me being the idiot I am, I answered the phone. “Is this Eren?” The voice asked. It sounded all too familiar. A soft, quiet voice that’s still loud and powerful all the same.

“Who’s asking?” I said.

“Levi,” he said. “You know, it wasn’t very smart of you to have your little sister memorize your phone number. You didn’t even see me bring out the pen and slip of paper I had in my pocket. You need to work on your senses, you know.” I could practically hear him smirking.

“What do you want? I don’t even know you. I don’t see why you’re trying so hard to talk to me.” That’s right. Why would somebody like him, try to talk to me?

“Because, I like you,” he said. Wait, what? He likes me? No, you’ve got to be kidding. I pushed the girls gently out of my room and closed the door behind them.

“What do you mean you like me? We only hooked up for one night. And, if you didn’t know, it’s kind of my job to forget about all the clients I sleep with so that I can move on. You know nothing about me,” I said. He can’t possibly like me after that one night. I mean, he doesn’t even know what kind of a person I am.

“Well,” he sighed. “You’re right about that. But, I’ll only tell you why if you agree to meet me somewhere. I don’t know… How about we meet at that park again and go for a walk?” How much does he want to see me? I guess if I want to get this over with I’m gonna have to meet up with him.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “What time?” I guess I’ll have to call Mikasa’s babysitters and tell them to do some last-minute babysitting.

“That’s the spirit, brat. Why don’t we meet there at 7 o’clock? See you then.” He hung up and I heard the beeps that followed. I didn’t have to agree to this, so why did I? Do I want to see him, too? No, that’s not it. Well, I do want to see him. No, Eren, you don’t even know him. I can’t just fall in love with his face.

I checked the clock that hung up on my wall. It was already 5:30. I should probably give Connie and Sasha a call. I dialed Connie’s number in my phone and waited for him to answer. “Hey, Connie,” I said after he picked up. “Can you and Sasha do some last minute babysitting for Mikasa and Annie? I’ll pay you double. I just really need for somebody to watch them and Armin’s busy.”

“Sure, Eren,” Connie said. “But, you don’t have to pay double. I know you’re in a tight spot already, so don’t sweat it. Besides, Sasha usually watches Annie anyways so they sort of have a weird friendship, I guess. What time do you need us?” 

“How does 6:30 sound?” 

“That’s fine,” Connie said. “And, sorry about last time we came. I’ll be sure to buy Sasha some food or something before we go.” Last time I asked for Connie and Sasha to babysit, Sasha had raided the fridge and pantry, clearly forgetting that she wasn’t in her own house. I had to go grocery shopping the next day even though I had enough food that would last me and Mikasa almost a month.

“Ah,” I muttered. “It’s fine. I’ll see you at 6:30 then.” I hung up the phone and walked over to the living room where the girls were at. They were drawing picture of the ponies. I saw that they had already finished drawing and coloring Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Pinky Pie, and Rainbow Dash. I also noticed that the two girls were both working on drawing Applejack. 

“Mikasa, Annie,” I called out. “In a little while, I have to go do something important so Connie and Sasha are going to watch you, okay?” They both nodded and I sat on the couch, having nothing better to do, and watched MLP with them. Man, this show is girly as fuck, but I’m fucking glued to the TV screen. 

-x-

“You girls behave, okay?” Mikasa and Annie both nodded, still drawing the ponies (but now they were drawing Rarity) while Connie and Sasha were both sitting on the couch together.

Connie had actually meant that he would get Sasha something to eat before he brought her over here. Well, he actually brought everybody something. He had gotten everybody one burger from McDonald’s. Well, everybody except for Sasha. He bought her five hamburgers. FIVE FUCKING HAMBURGERS. Oh, and not those cheap ass dollar burgers either. He bought her five fucking Big Macs. Oh, I think it’s also time to mention that she got three orders of large French fries. So, while everybody was eating normal serving sizes, Sasha ate enough food to feed me for like, three days or something. You should’ve seen how empty my pantry was that time she went through a raid in my kitchen.

“I’ll see you guys later,” I said. I closed the door behind me and walked to the car. I turned it on and stuff and began driving to the park.

I really need to stop doing what other people say. Like, this is getting out of hand. I’m taking orders from a stranger that I hooked up with for one night. I can’t stoop any lower than that, can I? Of course not.

I parked my car in the parking lot and sat on the bench that I had been on earlier. But, this time I was waiting for somebody. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. It was already 6:53. I guess it can’t hurt to wait a little longer.

Just then, I felt a hand fall on my shoulder and I could’ve sworn my skin was tingling under than hand. I wonder if they could feel the shiver that went through me. I turned my head around and saw Levi standing behind me. He sat down on the bench next to me and put his arm around the back of the bench. “So, shall we introduce ourselves better?” He said. 

Mikasa, Annie, I’m sorry if I come home with a broken nose. I guess I should try to put a stop to this guy. Broken nose or not, I need to get him off my back. I just hope this works.


	5. The Walk That Went Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren go for a walk, but something happens at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys!! I've been having writers block, so I couldn't write anything. But, I think I'm better now :D

“How old are you anyways?” If I’m going to try to become friends with this guy, I should at least know his age. I definitely can’t get close to him if he’s over thirty years old.

Levi hesitated before answering me. “I’m 26.” Twenty-six?! He’s eight years older than me! Mikasa, you better be grateful that I’m even considering being his ‘friend’. “How old are you?”

I looked at him, and, what a surprise! He was staring at me with those piercing, gray eyes. I could feel my skin burning under his gaze. No, stop thinking about that. “I’m 18,” I said. Relax, Eren. 

“So you’re still in school,” he muttered. “I don’t see how you can take care of that girl, have a job, and study for a real career.” He pulled a cigarette box out of his pocket, along with a lighter, and lit one. He stuck in his mouth and took a long drag out of it before letting the smoke escape his mouth. At least there’s nobody at the park to see us together like this.

“Actually, I dropped out of school about a year ago,” I said. “My dad left us, and my mom died in a car crash when I was 17.” No, this is already too much. This is too much of my past to tell him about. I need to stop. “I dropped out of school in order to take care of Mikasa. The job I have now was the only one with a decent enough pay, so I applied. They hired me, but I’m still struggling to keep Mikasa healthy enough.”

I didn’t even notice I was crying until Levi had pointed it out by wiping my tears with the sleeve of his jacket. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable with,” he said. I nodded and stared down at my shoes. I knew it. I said too much. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”

I was thinking about changing the subject when my phone rang. Levi nodded, so I took the phone out of my pocket. Huh? Why’s Sasha calling me? I slid the screen and heard Sasha panting on the other end of the line. “Eren!” she yelled. “You need to get to the hospital right now! Mikasa’s sick again, but this time, it’s far worse than usual. I’m at your house with Annie and Connie. He tried to ride with them to the hospital, but since there wasn’t a family bond between them, they refused to let him go.”  
An ambulance? Why is she in an ambulance? She’s never been that sick. Oh no. I have to leave right now. “I’m on my way,” I said. I hung up the phone and stood up slowly. “I’m sorry but, I have to go somewhere right now. It’s an emergency.”

I took a step forward, but fell on the ground instead, the tiny rocks digging into my face. I felt Levi pick me up. “What’s wrong? Where do you need to go?” he asked, concern visible in his voice. Where do I need to go, again? Oh, yeah, the hospital.

“San Maria Hospital,” I said. “I need to get there, as soon as possible.” I tried to take another step, but my legs felt limp beneath me.

“Come on,” he said. “I’ll drive you there. You’re in no condition to be behind the wheel, and I walked here anyways, so let’s go.” I felt Levi pick me up (bridal style) and he carried me to the car, laying me down in the back seat.

I felt the car move, and before I knew it, Levi was already on the highway. Well, whatever. I don’t care if he has to steal a fucking cop car to get me to the hospital. I just need to get there as soon as possible. I have to see Mikasa. I need to make sure she’s alright, and that she’s not scared. 

While I was busy spacing out, Levi had been hauling ass trying to get to the hospital. We were already there in five minutes, when in reality, the drive should’ve taken fifteen minutes. 

He helped me out of the car and walked me into the hospital. “Eren,” he grunted. Was I really that heavy, or is he exaggerating? “I need you to tell me your sister’s name so I can tell the secretary that you need to see her.”

“Her name is, Mikasa Jaeger. Yeah,” I said. “Eren and Mikasa Jaeger.” 

“Alright,” he said. “But, you need to walk by yourself or else they’ll send you to your own hospital room.” He stopped next to the doors, making sure that we weren’t seen by the patients inside. I slid away from his arms, slowly, standing up on my own.

“Okay,” I sighed when I was sure everything was fine. “Let’s go.” Levi nodded and we made our way over to the receptionist desk or whatever the fuck it’s called. I don’t know, it’s not really my job to know what it’s called.

“I’m here to see Mikasa Jaeger,” I said. “I’m her brother, Eren Jaeger.” 

That lady, by the name of Christa (I read her nametag,) looked up from what she was typing on her computer. “Okay,” she said with a smile. “Let me look her up.” I waited a couple of seconds before she gasped and a frown showed on her face. “I’m sorry, but Mikasa Jaeger isn’t allowed to have visitors until the doctors feel she’s recovered from her surgery.”

Surgery? No, I can’t afford surgery. I can’t afford for Mikasa to be sick enough to have surgery. I can’t see the look on her face when she realizes that I’m not coming to see her. She’ll feel abandoned. Abandoned like when she was in the orphanage.

Levi apparently seemed to notice that I was panicking mentally, so he took the liberty of parting ways with the secretary and taking me to sit down in the waiting room. “Levi, what do I do?” Well, fuck. I hardly know this guy and I already have him driving me places and telling me what to do. How much more humiliating can this get? “I can’t go home, and I can’t go to work tomorrow. Fuck, I can’t even afford to pay the house bills, so how am I going to pay the fucking hospital bills?”

“Eren, calm down,” he said. His voice was calm and soothing, relaxing me almost instantly. “I’ll let you stay at my house, and then you can call a friend of yours. Well, I assume you have friends, right?”

“Of course I have friends!” I yelled, making everyone else in the waiting room stare at me. I lowered my voice and they all turned back to what they were originally doing. “But, I can’t stay at your house. You’re already doing so much for me.”

“Well, you’re still not in the state of driving, and I can’t walk home from the hospital. So, looks like you’re staying with me,” Levi said. I could see amusement spark in his eyes. So, even in a family crisis, he could be a total dick. Well, I guess I have no other option.

“Alright, fine,” I sighed. “But, can we go, like right now? This hospital is making me kind of depressed.” I hate hospitals. It’s like, a sanitary prison. Everything is white, everything is sterile, and everything is scary as fuck.

“Of course, your highness,” he smirked. “Let’s go.”

-x-

His place was so clean, everything was practically sparkling. It’s like, he’s fucking Mr. Clean or something from that commercial. “Try not to get the place dirty while you’re here,” he said. “If you do, then I’ll be forced to cover you in plastic wrap and lay you in the bathtub so you don’t contaminate anything else.”

So, this guy’s a clean freak. I guess we have that established. “Okay,” I said. I kicked off my shoes at his door, just as he did, and sat on his black, leather couch. I guess I should call Jean, Armin, and Connie. I pulled out my phone and dialed Jean’s number. Ring, ring, ring, yes, phone, I know how it goes. 

“What the fuck do you want, Jaeger?” Jean muttered. Oh, right. I forgot how unpleasant this son of a bitch is. “You better be grateful that I gave you the night off.”

“Uh, Jean, about that,” I said. “I can’t make it tomorrow, either. Mikasa got really sick and so she’s in the hospital, but I have to make sure that she’s alright.”

“Alright, fine,” he said. Mikasa, if only I was cruel enough to always use some sort of excuse having to do with you to get out of work. “But, don’t be expecting to get another day off for at least two months, you got that? We’re losing money here.”

“Whatever. Thanks, Jean,” I said. I hung up the phone and dialed Connie’s number next. I should at least ask them to watch Annie for the night at my house.

“Eren!” Connie yelled. “Where are you?!”

“Relax, Connie,” I said. “I’m going to be staying at a friend’s house tonight, as I’m in no state to drive. So, can you and Sasha watch Annie for the night?”

“Of course. We just want to help. Well, take care, alright?” We parted ways and hung up on each other. I was about to call Armin when Levi snatched my phone out of my hand.

“Give that back!” I yelled. “I need that! And what right do you have to take people’s things?” I stood up from the sofa and tried to grab my phone when he put it behind his back. I guess he’s too short to raise it above his head without me grabbing it.

“You’ve been talking on the phone for too long,” he muttered. “Besides, you need to eat something or else you’ll complain that you’re starving when you wake up.” He put my phone on his black (like everything else in his house) coffee table and shoved a bowl of ramen noodles in my hand. “Eat. Now.” It wasn’t a question asking if I was hungry. It was a command. 

“Okay, fine,” I agreed. I grabbed the bowl from his hands, along with a fork, and started eating while he sat on the other couch, watching me.”I’m eating like you told me. Is there something else you want me to do?”

“No,” he stated. “I just never really have anybody over. And when I do have people over, they annoy the fuck out of me.” He put his head on his head and stared at me. This guy is a total creep.

I finished the ramen as fast as I could, and then walked over to the sink and placed the bowl in. I should probably wash it too, considering that it needed to be clean enough for his standards. His house was as sterile as the hospital, if not cleaner. I began washing the bowl as he came up behind me and took both the bowl and sponge from my hand. “Don’t you know how to fucking wash dishes?” he grumbled. He turned the water extremely hot, and began scrubbing furiously as if the bowl did something to deserve that sort of punishment. Well, the bowl doesn’t deserve that so he needs to fucking cool down or else he’ll end up killing it. Wait, can bowls die?

“Well excuse me, Mr. Clean. Go ahead and bring out your magic eraser while you’re at it.” Oh fuck, did I just say that out loud? 

“For your information,” he growled. “I don’t own any Mr. Clean products because they don’t clean as well as I would like them to. I buy better products that actually get the job done.” 

“How well do those magic erasers even clean?” Wait, hold up. Are we seriously going to be arguing about fucking cleaning supplies? “You know what? Ignore that question. I don’t even know why we’re arguing about sponges.”

Levi chuckled a bit before putting the bowl on the drying rack. “Why don’t we get you to bed? I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow so you can sleep on the couch.”

“That’s not very nice,” I said. “Aren’t you supposed to ask if I’d like to sleep in your bed while you sleep on the couch? And then I’m supposed to say that I’d be a bother, but then you eventually convince me to sleep in your room.” 

“Why the hell am I going to let a slob like you, sleep in my room?” He raised one eyebrow and dried his hand on a red rag. “Unless, you’d like to sleep in the bed with me?” He winked and pushed me out of the way. “I’m kidding. I’ll go get you the blanket.” I guess he could see the horror on my face when he said that.

“Whatever,” I muttered under my breath. I walked over to his couch and sat down, staring at the ceiling. I’m fine, now. I can drive myself home, so why am I still here? Why haven’t I gone home? Ugh, I’m so disappointed in myself. Well, more than usual, that is.

I was broken out of my haze when a blanket was thrown at my face. Oh, what a surprise! It was black, like every other piece of furniture in his house. Then, a (oh wow! Black!) pillow sped towards my face, but I caught it, only to see an even bigger frown form on Levi’s face. “You’re no fun,” he sighed.

“Oh well,” I said. “Deal with it. I’m going to bed.” I lay down on the couch, a pillow behind my head, and a blanket covering me.

Levi crossed the room and leaned his face over mine, giving me a kiss on my cheek before going back to his room.

My skin tingled from where his lips left my face. My heart started beating faster and I stared at the ceiling. Am I falling for him? No, I can’t be. I have to stay focused on Mikasa, not my love life. Wait, love life? No, you have got to be kidding me. I’m already considering this guy an option for a lover. 

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can somebody draw a picture of Eren wrapped in plastic wrap, laying in the bathtub, please? And if you do, can you submit it to my tumblr? XD
> 
> Oh, and if you ever wanna talk or just.... bother me or anything, visit my tumblr ^.^  
> tokiyaismine.tumblr.com
> 
> If you don't know who Mr. Clean is, then look him up on Google Images or something XD


	6. Let Me Take Care of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NO SUMMARIES TODAY. IT'S A SURPRISE ;D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i haven't updated for like five days!! I feels terrible DX  
> School has been keeping me busy, and I had a cold for like three days. Plus, my laptop was being a little bitch and it wasn't letting me get onto Microsoft Word. But, I finally got it to work! So, here you go ^.^

"Wake up you piece of shit."

I woke up to a slap to the face. Wow, what a way to wake up. This day is off to a beautiful start, isn't it? I opened my eyes and saw Levi leaning over me, a mug of coffee in hand. "Well, are you gonna get up, or am I gonna have to pour my coffee on your face?"

I saw him smirk while I shook my head violently. I already got slapped in the face, and I'm getting threatened to have hot coffee poured all over me. I would rather prefer being woken up by the first choice.

"I'm awake," I muttered. "What time is it?" He handed me my phone. 10:15. I guess I slept in considering the fact that Mikasa would always wake me up at around 7 or 8 o'clock in the morning. Even on weekends. Wait... Where's Mikasa? Oh, right. She's in the hospital right now. Are they letting her have visitors, yet? 

I stood up from the couch and looked for my keys. "If you're looking for your keys," Levi said. "I have them. I called those babysitters of yours and asked them if they could drop that blond girl off at her house, since I'm planning on spending the day with you." He sipped his coffee before sitting down next to me. "I'm not letting you drive like this. You get all shaken up when you think of your sister, so I'm gonna give you time to calm down. Besides, you don't have to work today, so how harmful can this day be?"

"But, what about Mikasa?" I said. "I need to see her." He can't just decide how I'm going to spend my day. I have a life, too.

"I already called the hospital and they said that she can't have visitors for another three days or so. So, you won't be able to see her for a while." Levi set his cup down on the coffee table and stared at me.

"What?" I asked. 

"Follow me," he said. He stood up from the couch, and to avoid any more difficulties, I followed him into the hallway. "You're lucky I have an extra toothbrush. Your breath stinks, so you'll have to use one of the extra toothbrushes I have to fix that." Oh, so he's not only obsessed with being clean on the outside, but you have to be clean on the inside, too.

He opened a white door, and I really wish I had some sunglasses or something. Everything was white, and everything was practically shining with cleanliness. This guy has a fucking clean fetish or something. I blinked a few times, and grabbed the red toothbrush when he handed it to me. "Go ahead and shower too," he said. "I'll wash your clothes while you're in there, so take all the time you need. You don't need to worry about water bills or anything." Is he being considerate, or does he really have some sort of clean fetish like I thought?

"Uh, sure," I said. "So, can you get out so I can like, take a shower?" I don't need this guy seeing me naked. Well, I don't need for him to see me naked, _again_.

“Tch, whatever,” he said. “I don’t see why’d you mind, considering I’ve already seen you without any clothes, begging for me to-“

I covered his mouth with my hands and bit my lip. “Don’t say it out loud! I might work a lot, but it doesn’t mean I’m not embarrassed about it.” It’s true. Even though I’ve accepted what I do for a living, it still doesn’t mean that I won’t get a little red over somebody mentioning it. “Just, get out so I can shower!”

“As you wish, my queen,” he chuckled. He left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

Well, now that he’s gone, it’s best that I don’t think about him. Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Right now, I really need to focus on what I’m going to do with Mikasa.

I turned the shower on (it took like, five minutes before I figured it out) and made it go to as hot as it could be. I don’t know why, but I always need hot water and steam to think. It’s just a habit I picked up from my mom, I guess. I undressed and stepped in, letting the water run through my hair, down my face, and down my body.

So, there’s one problem. Now that Mikasa’s in the hospital again, I need to pay for the bills. But, I’ll have to get extra money since she had surgery done. That means that I’ll need to get a second job. A second job means that I won’t be able to see Mikasa during the day, and that she’ll never get to see me. Now, I know that it’s not all that hard for her not to see me, but she just got out of surgery. She’s probably scared out of her mind right now, waiting for me to come and see her. I can’t just leave her all alone while she’s in the hospital. On the other hand, I can’t stay with her 24/7 since I need money to pay the bills. So, no matter which way I go, I’m bound to disappoint somebody. Just like it’s always been.

I put my forehead against the tiles on the wall and closed my eyes. I felt the water seep through my hair, reaching my scalp. I felt it run down the nape of my neck, trailing down my back, past my legs to my ankles. I felt the water gather in the tub, burning my feet as if I were stepping in lava. I felt all the pain from the moment dad left us. I was feeling too many things in that shower.

That’s right. Dad left us on Mikasa’s fourth birthday. He left us without a word and never came back. He never even came back to pick up his stuff. Mom was so devastated. She was crying so much, which in turn made Mikasa cry. I was 17 already; I knew that I was going to lose my parents some point in my life, so I didn’t think much of it. I just grasped that thought of dad leaving, and buried it deep in my mind, never to be found again. But, that all changed soon enough.

When mom died in that crash was when I realized that I needed to cherish everything I had. I couldn’t take anything for granted. I couldn’t be selfish. I had to take care of everything and everyone that I loved. I had to take care of Mikasa. She’s all I had left. She’s all I have left, even now. She’s the only family I have, just like I’m the only family she has. 

It must suck for Mikasa. Her parents were killed in front of her eyes, trying to protect her. Now, her dad left her on her birthday, one year after she was adopted, and never returned. About a month or so after, her mother was killed in a car crash. She’s lost her parents twice. I can’t let her lose me. She needs to know what it’s like to be in a normal, happy family. If I could just grant her that, then I wouldn’t need anything else. My one and only reason for even going on in life is because of Mikasa. I’m trying my hardest to support her, and I can’t give up.

But, Levi is changing all of that. He’s appeared into our lives without me noticing. Before I knew it, I had already started considering him a friend. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what went wrong. For one night, I was vulnerable. And in that night, I had somehow let him start caring for me. I had let him help me. I was being selfish. There’s no reason for Levi to have to worry about us, so I need to get away from him. I can’t hurt him, too. I can’t hurt him like I hurt all of my old friends. But, how am I supposed to escape from him when he’s got such a tight grip on me?

I was distracted from my thoughts by a knock on the door. I heard it open and somebody walked in. “Oi, brat,” he said. Who is he calling brat? “Your clothes are on the counter. I have lunch ready, so hurry up and get out before it gets cold.” How long have I been in here? Well, he did tell me to take my time. But, it’s already been about two hours since I got in here. I guess I’ve been thinking for longer than I thought.

I heard him close the door before I turned the water off and shook my head. I heard the water droplets hit the tiles and shower curtain before stepping out, and grabbed a towel to dry myself with. I held the towel up to my face and began to dry my hair, shaking the towel around my head furiously. I moved on to my arms and body before getting my clothes.

I put on the clothes I had been wearing the other day and walked out of the bathroom, turning off the light. I saw Levi sitting at the kitchen table, another mug of coffee in his right hand. He was wearing a black t-shirt and black-ish/gray-ish jeans. “I didn’t get to go shopping, so you’re eating raviolis today,” he said after he sipped his coffee. “I hope you like Chef Boyardee. God, I don’t even know why I buy that crap. I don’t even eat that shit. It’s fucking disgusting.”

“What’s so bad about ravioli?” I asked. Wait, I think I remember seeing his name somewhere around the house. Oh yeah. I happened to see a driver’s license on the table before I went to bed. “And isn’t your last name Ravioli or something? Rivers. Ravioli. Rivare. Ravioli. Rivelle. Wait, maybe your last name is Ravioli.” I’m pretty sure I annoyed him because set his mug down and began rubbing his temples.

“My name is Lance Rivaille,” he said. “But, Lance is fucking retarded, and I don’t want people to use my fucking last name. So, I adopted the name Levi. Levi Rivaille. Not, ‘Levi Rivers’. Not ‘Levi Rivare’. Not ‘Levi Rivelle’. And it sure as hell is not ‘Levi Ravioli’.” 

Lance ‘Levi’ Rivaille, huh. It’s not a bad name for somebody like him. What is that anyways? German? French? Wait, I think it is French. Well, I don’t know. I never paid any attention in history or my foreign language class. 

I walked over to the table and saw a bowl of raviolis. These aren’t terrible, but they aren’t the perfect cup of tea either. I picked up the spoon from the bowl and began moving the raviolis around. Ugh, this is crap. I only eat these when Mikasa wants them, and that isn’t very often.

“Oi, stop playing with it and eat,” he snapped. “And don’t say this isn’t fair, because I had to fucking eat Spaghetti-o’s or whatever they’re called. Fuck those are gross.” He glared at me until I shoveled a few spoonfuls of my “lunch” into my mouth. “Good boy.”

I am going to kill this midget. Hah, I think midget is more of an under-statement. If he heard me say that, I wonder what he’d do to me. I better not push my luck.

I quickly finished my food and put the bowl in the sink before turning on the water and washing it. I finished washing the bowl and set in on the rack to dry along with the other dishes he had. I sat down on the table and stared at him.

“Do you have a job?” I asked. This had been on my mind for a while, to be honest. I don’t know why, but it’s been bothering me.

“Yeah,” he said. “I work in a restaurant as a chef. Well, actually I’m the one who cleans before we open and after we close. But, whenever I’m not busy doing dishes, I cook the food.”

“What restaurant do you work at?”

“’Rose’s French Cuisines’,” he said. “I have some French heritage in me, so since I was born with some French, of course my mother wanted me to learn about the language and history and all that crap. I only picked up some of the greetings and stuff when I was learning the language, but I learned how to cook French dishes and cuisines. So, since I can cook them, I figured I should make use with my skills.”

Levi sipped his coffee and stared at me for a while. I was about to say something when he interrupted me, changing the subject. “You know, you don’t need to keep working where you are. Get a job at some convenience store, and you and Mikasa could move in with me. I’d pay all the hospital bills, and all the house bills. Then, whatever money you do earn, you can keep it for yourself.”

He wants me to move in with him? Well, as good as that sounds, I can’t do that. It’d be selfish of me. I’d feel like I was taking advantage of him. “But, Levi,” I said. “I can’t do that. I can’t have you spending your money on me and Mikasa. I don’t want to be a burden.” I looked down at the table and felt my eyes try to hold back tears. Why am I crying? Fuck, I’ve always been sensitive. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? “I don’t want to take advantage of you. I don’t want to use you for my own personal wants and needs. I can’t do that. I can’t let other people worry about me.” I saw a drop fall on the table and heard Levi walk over to me.

“Eren,” he whispered. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for me. I’m doing this because I want to. I want to help you, and I want for you to have a happy life free of worries.” He grabbed my chin with his fingers and titled my head up. I darted my eyes away from him, focusing on the table. “Dammit Eren, look at me.” I moved my eyes slowly and looked him in the eyes. “I want to help you. I want to keep you safe. I want to make sure that you two are okay. No, I need to make sure you two are safe. Please, let me do that, Eren. You don’t need to worry about money, or about being a burden. I just want you to be happy.”

His eyes started twitching, and I knew that he was trying to hold back tears just as I had been trying earlier. “I don’t know if I can, Levi.” I can’t grow attached to him. I can’t let him care about me. But, we both know that it’s already too late to turn back. It’s too late for any of that. He’s already made his way into my life. He’s made his way into my heart. In the few days that I’ve known him, he’s managed to break the barrier I made around my heart to keep from loving anybody but Mikasa. He’s broken that barrier, and I don’t think I have enough time to try and rebuild it. “I can’t let you do all those things for me. It wouldn’t feel right.”

I felt Levi’s lips hover over mine. “Well, what if I’m doing this because I love you? Then, would you let me help you?” His lips pressed onto mine. It wasn’t one of those demanding kisses, either. It was a gentle, soft, comforting kiss. It was light, and quick. He pulled away and I could see that I was hurting him by rejecting his offer. “Will you let me help you, now? Please, Eren.”

He kissed me. He kissed me… What didn’t shock me was the kiss, but the fact that I yearned for him was what surprised me more. I wanted him to kiss me more. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. His face, his body, his love; everything. But, I can’t be in love with him. I can’t. I need to know more about him. But, when you’re in love, there’s no time to waste, right? So, if I truly love him, then wouldn’t that mean that I wanted him as soon as possible? Well, that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.

“Well,” I said. “I won’t accept it at first. But, maybe someday, I’ll let you take care of me, for real.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and sighed. “But, I can’t let you do everything for me, alright? I still need to take care of myself, so if you do want to help me, then we’re going to have to take it slow.”

I felt his arms wrap around my back. I felt his warmth through the clothes we were wearing. I felt loved. “We’ll take things as slow as you need,” he whispered in my ear. I shivered when I felt his breath reach my skin and squeezed him tighter. “I know that you won’t accept this within a day. I know that this will take some time to get used to, but I think I can wait. I’ll wait for you to be okay with all of this. And when you are, I’ll be extremely happy.”

“Okay,” I said. I was at a loss for words. I knew Levi had liked me, since he actually told me straight up, but I never knew that he cared about me this much. And he’s probably holding himself back. He probably wants to say so many other things to me.”So, then does that mean I should quit my job?”

“Well, I would like it if you did,” he said. “I know somebody else would hire you. But, you can’t just leave your job. Since today is a Wednesday, tell your manager that you’ll be leaving on Saturday. That way, they can make reservations for you. And if he asks why you’re leaving, just tell him it’s for personal reasons and nothing else. Don’t tell him anything more than that. Don’t tell him about Mikasa having surgery, don’t tell him about me, and don’t tell him about anything that I just told you. Got it?”

“Yeah.” I pulled away from Levi and smiled a little. “I’ll make sure I don’t fuck this up for you.” I got off the chair and made my way over to the door. “But, since I was actually supposed to go to school with Mikasa today, why don’t you drive me to work? I don’t feel like driving, and I don’t want to spend a quiet drive there. Besides, we have nothing better to do, right?”

“I was going to clean, actually,” he sighed. His eyes swept over the house before landing on me. “But, I guess that can wait a little longer considering that you look hyper today.” He grabbed a coat and put his phone in his pocket. “So, let’s get going, shall we?”

“Uh sure,” I said. He winked and I felt my face get hotter by the second.

“You get flushed over nothing,” he laughed. He pushed me through the door before I could come up with another comment that would probably embarrass me even more. “Just get in the damn car.”

I walked over to my blue car (I don’t even care what model it is as long as it works) and opened the door, waiting for Levi to get in after he finished locking the door. He stepped in the car, closing the door behind him, before putting the keys in the ignition and adjusting the rearview mirror.

“I wonder if they’ll be okay with this, though,” I said. I know, I know. Now isn’t the time to get cold feet. I can’t be having second thoughts about this. If Levi thinks it would be best that I quit this job and get another one, then it probably is. “I mean, I don’t want to see Jean’s face when I tell him I’m quitting. Oh, god. And I don’t want to see Marco or Armin when they find out either. I can’t see them. They’ll be so disappointed and they’ll probably be mad at me and-“ I was cut off by a pair of lips on my own.

“Everything’s gonna be fine, alright? I just so happen to know what that Marco guy is like. He’s friendly, so he won’t beat you up about it. And that Armin kid won’t really care as long as he can still keep in touch with you, right?” I nodded. “Good. Now, that Jean guy is a tough one. But, who cares what he thinks, right? I’m sure he’ll let you off easy if you threaten him saying that you were planning on leaving today. Then, he’ll at least be grateful that you’re gonna go in for the rest of the week.”

I didn’t even have time to process that Levi had kissed me, yet again. I was too busy worrying about Jean, Marco, and Armin. But, Levi’s right. This will all work out just as planned. “Okay,” I said. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Eren and Levi were seriously fighting over raviolis. Deal with it.


	7. Don't Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren meets with Jean and runs into some old guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say that tumblr user sillycili is like, the best <3 she's so nice, and she drew me AMAZING fanart so yeah. Just thought I should give a shout out ;D

“What do you mean, _you’re quitting_?!”

“It’s exactly how it sounds, you fucktard,” I said. “I’m quitting. But, I’m not leaving until the end of the week, so just be glad I’m coming to work at all.” That’s right. I was supposed to make Jean think that I was just going to stop coming here after this meeting under direct orders from Levi.

“May I at least ask why the fuck you’re quitting on such short notice, Jaeger?” Jean asked. His teeth were clenched, his eyes were shut, and his hands were in fists on his desk. He looks so much like a fucking horse I swear to god. 

“I have my reasons,” I said. “Personal reasons. And, that’s all I’m required to say.” I wonder what he would say if I told him my reasons for quitting. _Yeah, so I’m quitting cause one of my clients wants me to and I’m thinking about maybe giving him a chance._ Well, I don’t really know why Levi wants me to quit, though. We’re not going out. Or, wait, are we? Does that kiss from this morning count as like… A confession of love or something? Well, it kind of does, right? Relationships are so confusing. I don’t know how people can do this.

Jean unclenched his hand and ran his fingers through his mane. Wait, I mean hair. “You could have let us know sooner, you know,” he sighed. “I have to cancel some of your clients, and then I have to make arrangements for the other workers. Jesus Christ, Eren, you’re gonna make me die young.”

I watched as Jean kept running his hands through his _hair_ and heard the door to his office open. Marco stepped through, closing the door behind him. He walked over to Jean, putting his hands on his shoulders. “So, you’re really quitting?” Marco asked. Oh no. Fuck, Marco, you’re going to make me cry. I can’t help but feel like I disappointed him.

“Yeah,” I muttered. I clasped my hands together and looked down at them in my lap. “I’m really sorry about this, you know. It’s just that I have some things going on, and I need to deal with some things. It’s something I have to take care of right away.” I looked up and saw Marco smiling.

“Well, it’s fine by me,” he said.

Jean bit his lip and looked up at Marco. “This isn’t fine!” he yelled. “We’re losing money here! He’s been working with us for a year, and he’s just leaving without even telling us why! Marco, don’t you see how bad we’re going to suffer if he goes?”

Marco kissed his forehead and smiled even brighter. “It’s because of that, Jean,” he said. “Since he’s been with us for so long, and he’s leaving without notifying us, it must be very serious. So, we have to respect the fact that he’s going, alright?” He released himself from Jean and walked over to me. “So, I’d just like to thank you for all the hard work you’ve done for us this past year, and I hope you sort out all your problems.”

He ruffled my hair and walked out of the room, leaving Jean staring after him with his mouth open. A drop of drool fell on his desk, so he closed his mouth and frantically wiped at his workspace. “Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll let you go on Saturday. Now leave before I throw my desk at you.”

“Uh, sure,” I said. I stood up from the chair I was sitting on and opened the door. “And I really am sorry. So, please, don’t be upset with me.” I closed the door behind me and walked over to my dressing room. Maybe Armin is still in there getting ready.

I opened the door to our dressing room and saw Armin putting on his shoes. He was wearing black platform shoes, and white pants. He had on a thin, glittery, see-through black shirt and black eyeliner on. “Eren, what are you doing here? Marco told me today was your day off,” he said.

I walked up to him and put my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry, Armin,” I whispered. “But I’m leaving this place on Saturday. But, let’s not stop being friends, okay?” Armin is the one person I don’t need leaving my life. Yeah, I want to keep in touch with Marco, but Armin is my best friend. I can’t lose him.

He patted my head before pushing me away. Confusion made its way onto his face and he bit his bottom lip. “Why are you leaving, though?” he asked. “You’re been here longer than I have, so I don’t know why you’re leaving.” He looked almost as if he were hurt that he wouldn’t see me every day. Well, I would be too. Our schedules aren’t easy to work around.

“I just need to take care of some things with Levi and Mikasa,” I said. Shit. Fuck, I said Levi’s name. Kill me now, please. Put me out of my misery from embarrassment.

“Ooh,” he cooed. “So who’s Levi? Is he your boyfriend? Huh, is he?”He poked my side and threw me a couple of winks.

“What are you talking about?!” I yelled. “He is _not_ my boyfriend! It’s, um, it’s kind of complicated. I mean-“ Armin covered my mouth with his hand and began laughing.

“I was just teasing, Eren,” he said after containing his fit of giggles. That bastard. “But, now I know that there _is_ something going on with you and this Levi guy. But, save me the details for later. I have to get going. I got a client in room five.” He removed his hand from my mouth and ruffled my hair just as Marco had done earlier. Armin walked over to the door and waved goodbye before closing the door behind him.

Well, at least he isn’t totally upset with me. I guess I should leave, since Levi told me to only see Jean and then go back to the car. But still, I can’t help but feel that Armin might be a little sad that I’m leaving. He’s probably just hiding his feelings for me. He’s always been like that. Quiet and reserved. He does everything for my sake. He makes other people his first priority, so he can’t even take care of himself. He’s kind of like Marco, in a way, except Marco does things that benefit both himself and others.

I walked out of the dressing room, making my way to the lobby. I checked the board that had the workers’ pictures and info taped to it. Let’s see. Reiner, Bertholdt, some random guy I don’t know, some random girl, Armin, and then me. Eren Jaeger. I remember when I took that picture. Jean told me to stand in front of the camera and smile. I did as I was told, but I ended up sneezing when he snapped the picture. So, we had to do about five more retakes before I finally got it right. My eyes were closed, and my smile reached all the way to my ears. My head was also tilted a bit to the side. Hmm, I don’t know how people find _that_ attractive, but whatever.

I made my way over to the door when a man in his 30’s grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks. He was bald, but he had hair growing on the sides of his head. He was wearing a gray sweater, and black pants. “You’re that boy on the wall, right?” he asked. I nodded. He tightened his grip on me and moved his lips closer to my ears. There were plenty of people around, so why didn’t they stop him? Maybe because they’re all just horny fucks who don’t give a shit for a kid like me. “How about we come over to my place, and I’ll pay you double?” He wants me _alone?_ Well, no way in hell.

“Actually,” I muttered. “Today is my day off, so I’ll be going now.” I tried to pull away from him, but his grip only tightened. “Can you let me go, please?” He shook his head and dragged me over to one of the doors that lead outside.

I felt all of the air leave my lungs when I hit the wall. I slumped to the floor and looked down at my hands. “Now,” he cackled. “If you’re done struggling, maybe I won’t throw you against the wall, again. How about we go back to my place? Or, better yet, we can stay here so we wouldn’t have to wait for the long drive home.” Pervert. He’s just an old man who wants to take advantage of a kid like me. That’s what they all are. All of them. Every single one of them. I hate them all. They can just die if they think that doing this is okay. 

He grabbed my wrists and pulled me up to my feet, slipping his arm around my waist. His breath reeked of alcohol, so I turned my head to the side. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him, but I shut my eyes tight. I should’ve just walked out of the lobby instead of reading that stupid bulletin board.

“You look so cute, like that, you know?” he whispered. I shook my head and tried to get away from him, but he pulled me closer. “It’d be a waste to let you go.”

I heard a door open and then footsteps running. Who’s there? I don’t care. They won’t help, right?

I fell to the ground as I felt that the man was no longer holding me. I opened my eyes, only to see Levi beating the shit out of him. He punched his face, repeatedly, making blood gush everywhere. He probably broke his nose. Oh well. Levi threw the man to the ground and kicked him in the side, making him clutch at his stomach in pain. 

I stood up from where I was kneeling on the ground and ran over to Levi. I grabbed him from behind, my arms wrapping around his waist, and pulled him away. He kicked and punched the air, trying to get away from me so he could continue to beat the shit out of that guy.

“Levi, you’re gonna kill him!” I yelled. But, isn’t that what I wanted? I wanted all of them dead. Every single customer who came into this building. Well, everybody except for Levi. Levi isn’t the type to take advantage of somebody like that. He wouldn’t hurt someone unless completely necessary, right? “I’m fine! Everything’s alright.”

He stopped struggling and turned around to face me. I let go of him, only to have a pair of arms wrap around my neck. “You idiot,” he whispered. “He was going to drag you away and do who knows what to you. He was trying to hurt you. And nobody even tried to stop him as he dragged you outside. I was so scared that I wouldn’t make it in time. I was scared that he would hurt you.”

I wrapped my arms around Levi and gave him a tight squeeze. “Well, you made it, okay? Are you satisfied? You also beat him so bad that he might die if he doesn’t get help. So, we should probably leave, like right now.”

I heard Levi laugh in my ear before planting a kiss on my neck. I shivered under his touch and let go of him. I took one last look at that guy before I followed Levi into the building. His nose was gushing out blood, and it looked kind of… lopsided. He was clutching at his sides, and I think I saw a few tears slip from his eyes.

I followed Levi through the lobby. I could tell that both men and women wanted to approach me like the other man had, but Levi would shoot them with a glare, making them reconsider. We walked out through the glass doors, and got in the car.

“You’re lucky I’m even letting you go to that hellhole tomorrow,” Levi mumbled. “If it were my decision, I wouldn’t let you work at all.” He crossed his arms, sitting in the driver’s seat.

So, does that mean that Levi is kind of jealous of my clients? Just the thought of him being jealous makes me laugh. “Well, just be happy that I’m quitting,” I said. “Do you know how hard it was for me to face Marco? God, I feel like I fucking let him down. I’m such a fucking disappointment. Even Jean and Armin were upset.” I put my hands over my eyes and sighed.

“Well, excuse me for not liking the fact that you have to have sex with random guys every night when you could be spending that time with either me or Mikasa.” So… since he included himself in that sentence… he _is_ jealous. “I just don’t like that they take advantage of you like that.”

I removed my hands from my eyes and placed them on Levi’s thigh. “It’s okay,” I murmured. “We have security, so if they try anything, we just press a button and then either our manager or somebody else comes to our rescue. So, it’s fine.” 

Levi sighed and put the key in the ignition. “I guess you’re right.” He drove away from where he parked against the curb and drove to a McDonald’s before parking in the parking lot.

“Oh, are you hungry?” I asked.

“Ugh, like I would ever eat at this dump,” he said. “I want to see your house. So, since I don’t know where you live, you’re going to drive me there.” He got out of the car and crossed over to the side where I was sitting. “So get your ass off of that seat and drive.”

I opened the door and stepped out, crossing over to the other side. I got in the driver’s seat the same time Levi got in the passenger’s. Okay, I can do this. Just because I’m driving with Levi in the car, doesn’t mean anything. I adjusted the mirrors and put the car in reverse, as I was taught when I was younger by my mom.

I drove out of the parking lot and down the street, making my way to my house.

-x-

“Your house is a mess.”

“I’m so sorry that I can’t clean well enough to your standards, all mighty cleaning lord,” I snickered. “Just shut up so I can find the money I keep hidden in case of an emergency. Go watch TV, or something.” I walked over to my dresser and was about to open a drawer when Levi wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my back.

“Are you kidding?” he scoffed. “Watching TV won’t distract me from how messy your place is. I want to do something else. Besides, TV is way too boring for my interests.” He turned me around and wrapped his hands around my neck, pulling my head down and moving his lips to my ear. “You’ll do what I want, right?”

A chill ran up my spine at the words he whispered in my ear. I hope he can’t feel how much I’m shaking. “Uh, L-Levi,” I stuttered. Oh fuck. I never stutter. This is so bad. “S-shouldn’t we get c-cleaning? I mean… Don’t you w-want to clean? I can get out the bleach and s-stuff.” Great job, Eren. So much for not making a fool of yourself.

“Is somebody, nervous?” he smirked. He moved his lips away from my ear and raised an eyebrow. “I can’t believe how much you’re fucking shaking. Jesus, Eren.” So, he _can_ feel me shake. Well, I guess we’ve gotten the embarrassing part of this conversation over. Well, I hope.

“Of course I’m fucking nervous!” I wrapped my arms around Levi’s back and buried my head in his neck so he couldn’t see how red I was getting. “I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I don’t even know what to do. You kind of _forced_ me into this relationship, actually.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I can’t just do this stuff with you if I know we’re both going to be serious about it.” I’ve only ever had sex with men for money. I don’t even know the first thing about “making love”. I only know the meaning of “fucking”. And, that isn’t a very good way to put what Levi wants to do into words.

He ruffled my hair with his hand and kissed the back of my neck. “You’re adorable, you know that? But, that’s not the point here. What I want to say is that we can take things slow, if that’s what you want. I know, I actually did force this relationship on you, and I’ll admit to that, but we can slow down. I’m just happy that you didn’t push me away. Letting a total stranger into your life takes a lot of courage. So, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, alright?”

“Sure,” I muttered. We stood there together, for I don’t know how long. I felt like hours. I was leaning over with my arms around Levi’s neck, and he had his head resting on my shoulder with his arms around my waist. It felt kind of good. I felt loved. Well, I know Mikasa loves me, but it’s kind of like she has to. It’s conditional love. Since I’m her brother, she has to love me. 

But, this feels different. I’m loved by somebody who isn’t related to me, blood ties or not. Somebody apart from my family and friends cares about me. I know, I probably sound like a schoolgirl talking like this, but it’s kind of my first time being with somebody. So, I feel special. I feel wanted.

I picked my head up from Levi’s neck and looked at the clock hanging on my wall. It was already 3:37. Damn. I should probably make lunch or something, right? Hmm, but sandwiches aren’t romantic, are they? No, Eren, sandwiches are _not_ romantic. Are you fucking retarded? Actually, yes I am. Okay, I really need to quit talking to myself in my head.

“Hey, Levi,” I said. I pulled away from him and smiled. “Do you want anything for lunch? Well, to be honest, I suck at cooking, so I guess I’m pretty limited on options. But, I’m sure I can make-“ Levi shut my lips with his fingers and sighed.

“You really need to stop talking,” he said. “Let’s just go out or something. I don’t know how your cooking is, and I don’t want to cook.”

“I can’t have you spending your money on me like that,” I said. “It’s just not fair! You want to do everything for me, and I can’t do shit about it. I can’t do anything, so it’s just not fair for you to do things for me if I can’t do anything in return.”

“Eren,” Levi whispered. “It’s fine. Trust me. Money will never be an issue for me, alright? And I’m not talking about my job. So, you don’t need to worry. You can be as selfish as you want, and I’ll buy you and Mikasa whatever you need. It’s okay.” He stood on his tiptoes and kissed my cheek before turning around and walking to the door. “So, follow me and we’ll go eat out.”

It seems he got over my problem quickly. Whatever. It’s not like it matters, anyways. He won’t let me do anything for him, but he’ll do anything for me. Such a fair bargain. “Uh, sure,” I muttered. “Where are we going?”

“I dunno,” he said as I followed him down the hall. “But I’m fucking starving. Those fucking Spaghetti-o’s didn’t do shit. So, we’ll just drive around and see what we find.” Well, it’s not like I had anything particular in mind, so this will have to do.

“Okay, but can we not go anywhere fancy? I’m kind of just wearing a hoodie and some jeans.” This is how I always dress, so I don’t own any expensive clothes. If I could afford things like that, I would buy Mikasa all the dresses she wanted. But, that doesn’t happen in reality.

“Fine, we won’t go anywhere fancy. But,” he said. “It can’t be a shitty restaurant like McDonald’s either. But choose anything else besides _that_ and any other fast food restaurants. I’m not a big fan of those fake, greasy foods.” I kind of guessed that. Nobody as fit as Levi could ever eat fast food. Well, Sasha could, but she’s not really “fit”. She’s just thin. I guess it’s kind of lucky to have a fast metabolism, huh?

“Fine by me,” I muttered before slipping out of the door, followed by Levi. Now, the only question is, _where do we want to eat?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I was gonna put some smut in there, but Eren's never really had sex with anybody cause he loved them so he's kind of new to it. That's my reason for having no smut and you can't make me change my mind about it ._.


	8. Learning the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finally discovers why Levi has a fancy towards him.

So, Levi ended up picking Subway. I mean, I’m not complaining (okay, maybe I am) but I didn’t think _this_ is what he had in mind for food. I could’ve made the exact same thing at home for _free._ And what makes it worse is that he said he was paying.

So, not only is he going to some place that makes sandwiches no better than I do, he wants to go ahead and buy it, too. What’s worse is that I let him. I do all of this complaining, yet I don’t do a damn thing to fix it. Just fucking great, Jaeger. Wonderful.

Levi sat across from me, picking at his sandwich. He got like, turkey slices or something, lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese. He kept lifting up the top slice of bread and letting it fall onto the rest of his meal.

I looked down at my food. I don’t ever come to Subway, so when I do, I always order the Meatball Sub. Just some meatballs with cheese inside two slices of bread. Now, the only reason I get that is because I _hate_ ordering for myself. So, this is what I usually get. Sure, I get tired of it, but it’s better than having to embarrass myself when trying to order something complicated.

Thankfully, since we were sitting in a corner of the restaurant with nobody surrounding us (there was only like, 3 people there, not including us,) I could ask him a question that’s been on my mind. Well, one of them, at least.

“Why do you like me?” Well, that didn’t come out as smooth as I wanted it to. My voice had cracked, and I bet he could tell I was nervous about all of this. Way to go, Ace.

Levi looked up from his, now destroyed, food. He put his head on his hand and stared at me for a few seconds before answering. “Because you’re cute,” was all he said.

“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, why would a complete stranger like you, fall for somebody like me? I’m a fucking prostitute for Christ’s sake.” 

Levi closed his eyes and sighed. “Because, you reminded me of myself,” he said.

“How?” I wonder what he was like when he was younger. What did he used to do for a living? Yeah, I know he works as a chef/janitor now, but what about when he was a teenager? How did he make money? Well, it’s not like you need money at that age, but it’s nice to have some, right?

“Let’s just say I did some bad things,” he said. “Things that got me in a lot of trouble. I’ll tell you all about it when we get home, but for now, just shut up and eat your fucking sandwich.”

I pursed my lips together and squinted my eyes at him. All I earned was a, “Jaeger, quit acting like a fucking idiot and eat your damn food already,” in return. 

-x-

After we finished eating the horrid meals we had ordered, I told Levi that I would drop him off at his house and then go home. Well, I wanted to do that in the first place, but I needed to ask him some things. Hopefully, those questions won’t take too long.

I sat on the couch across from Levi and clasped my hands together in my lap. “So, what were those ‘bad things’ you mentioned?”

“What a subtle way of asking,” he sighed. “You’re lucky I’m even going to answer that. I’m not gonna go into detail, though.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked up at the ceiling. “I used to be in a gang. We called ourselves the _Survey Corps._ Don’t ask me where that name came from, because when I joined, that name was already chosen. I used drugs, prostituted myself for money, those kinds of things. And that’s all I’m telling you for now.”

I didn’t get much out of him, but at least it was something, right? Wait, I can’t let Levi get anywhere near Mikasa if he was in a gang. Well, maybe I can, but I need to at least see if he’s not some sort of rapist or something. That’s all I can do for now. I hope…

“Uh, so like, you’re not dangerous or anything, right?” I asked.

He bit his lip, closed his eyes, and turned his head down to face the floor. “Yes,” he sighed. He brought his head up so that he could look me in the eye. “I’m very dangerous.” Is he joking, or what? There’s like no way to read this guy.

“Wait, what?! What do you mean you’re dangerous?!” My eyes widened and I could feel the air stop flowing into my lungs before I remembered to breathe again.

“It’s exactly as I said it, kid,” Levi grumbled. “But, I’m only dangerous when I need to be. I won’t hurt people for no reason. But, I know the basic moves, you know? I can break somebody’s arm, leg, hand, finger, neck, you name it.” Is that really something to be impressed of? Well, that’s pretty cool when you think about it. Wait, no, it’s not. His hands are lethal weapons and who knows what he’ll do when he’s upset. 

But, he did say he would only use violence when he has a reason for it, right? So, doesn’t that mean he won’t punch somebody out of nowhere?

“You’re not gonna hurt me, right?” I muttered. My words sounded weak and pathetic, barely audible. But, somehow he had heard me quite clearly.

“I’ll hurt you if you make a mess in my house, that’s for sure,” he chuckled. “But, other than that, no.” 

Okay, so we’ve established the whole gang thing, right? “Okay, so moving away from that area of discussion,” I said. “That still doesn’t explain why you want me to like you the same way you like me. I mean, you’re a stranger I barely know, yet you claim you have feelings for me.”

“You’re no different yourself. A complete stranger confesses his love to you and you don’t reject him. You’re such a smart kid, you know that?” Well, he got me there. “I could be an axe-murderer, trying to kill you, and you wouldn’t even know it.” I tensed in my chair and clenched my fists. There is no proof that he _isn’t_ an axe-murderer, so how can I feel safe around him? “Relax kid,” he said. “I don’t even own an axe, much less know how to use one.”

Should I feel relieved, or…?

“But, if you must know,” he said. “It’s because you’re vulnerable.” Vulnerable? “I felt that since you reminded me of myself when I was younger, that you needed help. You probably didn’t have anybody to protect you if something went wrong. I wanted to make sure that somebody who was in the same situation that I used to be in, could be able to go home and sleep happily knowing that they won’t get hurt the next day. I had wanted for some goofy brat like you to be able to go home safe and sound. You and that dumb face of yours. And when I thought about that, I started to notice the little things about you.

“I remembered how when you first opened that door, you looked so stupid. You couldn’t hide that surprised look on your face. So, when I remembered that, I wanted to see you again. I wanted to talk to you and get to know you better. I wanted to see if you were more than just some toy for people to play with. When I saw you at the park, I was so happy. The only thing ruining it was Hanji. But, other than that idiot, it was perfect. And then I saw you with Mikasa and that little blond girl. I was thinking, _Why is he with those two?_ I knew that there must’ve been more to you, so that only intrigued me even further. I actually love kids, to be honest, so I was overjoyed that Mikasa liked me. Usually kids just run away from me, but she was different. She became special to me. And that’s when I decided that somehow, over the short span of time I’d known you, I’d fallen for you.”

This is just… Wow. I can’t even take this all in. So, because of some stupid expression I made, he ended up wanting to know more about me, and then he ended up liking me… That may have been the weirdest love story I’ve ever heard. Like, _hey kids! Wanna know how I met your father? Well, one day, I was running some errands at some sort of whore-house, and I met your father. He looked really stupid, so I fell in love with him!_ Okay, well, it sounds way worse than it’s supposed to, but you get the point.

“So,” I started. “It was… Because of a stupid face I made?” That doesn’t sound very romantic when you think about it, huh.

I saw a little smile form on Levi’s face. “Yes,” was all he said. 

“I can’t even believe this,” I said, moving my hand up to cover my face. I leaned back in the couch and shook my head. “That was a horrible first impression. I can’t believe I’m that stupid. Actually, I _can_ believe it.” I’m so fucking embarrassed right now. Send me away to the moon for all I care.

Levi had made his way over to me while I was submerged in the memories from the first night I met Levi. He pried my hands away from my face and kissed my forehead.

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks, and I bet Levi could see the red form on my face.

“See? You’re vulnerable,” he said. “You need to keep your guard up.” Levi sat down next to me, only to lay his head down in my lap. He reached his hand up and started playing with my hair while I stared down at him.

What is he thinking? Does he have no shame? Well, I, for one, have plenty of shame, so if he wouldn’t mind, I’d like to get the hell out of here. But, of course, he does mind, because the second I tried to get up, he pushed me back down.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he smirked. “But you don’t need to worry yourself, kid. I’m not gonna try anything on you, okay? You and your sexual needs don’t need to be so on edge. I said I was gonna take things slow with you, so I’ll keep my word.”

Who said I needed him for my “sexual needs”? I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes. “Whatever,” I sighed. “I still need to go home so I can be ready for work tomorrow.” I had tried to find a clock, and I ended up finding one on the stove. It was already 7:28. How it got that late so quickly was something that I will never live to explain.

“Fine,” Levi sighed. He sat up and planted a kiss on my cheek before standing up. “And, I never said that I wouldn’t kiss you, so you can’t make me stop.” Somehow, I think he was born specifically for pissing me off.

I clenched my teeth and stood up. That bastard. Well, who cares? I just need to focus on my own things. I made sure I had my keys in my pocket, along with my phone, before walking over to the door.

I opened the door and took a step out before I heard the same deep voice speak again. “Later Jaeger!” I heard him call out. I stepped out and closed the door, making my way over to my car. Yes, this guy must have been born to annoy me. It’s the only explanation.

Well, the good news is that the day after tomorrow, I’ll finally be able to see Mikasa again. I’ll get to see if they’ve been treating her good. But, is that really something I want to see? Do I really want to see her heartbroken face when she remembers that I didn’t visit her?

This isn’t the time to be thinking about that. I got into my car and drove away, making my way to my house.

It’ll be a miracle if I make it there without crashing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated for like, a week!!! I'm really sorry u.u  
> I've been busy with school, and I found out that I have to go see my doctor so she can ask me questions, only to have her send me to some stupid fucking counselor.  
> So, that's been worrying me lately. I'll try to update more and faster!!! And, I'll try to make the chapters longer too!  
> If you wanna ask me anything about the fic, or just need to vent or anything, hit me up at my tumblr...  
> tokiyaismine.tumblr.com >.


	9. Why Did You Come Back?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren goes back to work, and gets an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I have a whole ton of things going on right now DX  
> So, it turns out i have to go to a psychiatrist (boo)  
> I'll try to update faster! I promise!

Mom, what do I do?

I was thinking about seeing if my relationship with Levi would actually work out, but I didn’t think it _would_ end up going alright. Ugh, this is what I get, huh. Try to humor somebody, and I end up slowly falling in love with them. Love is so difficult.

I mean, I don’t even know if I love Levi or not. Well, I love the way his voice sounds, I love the way he can be a jackass, yet be a total flirt at the same time. I love how… Oh god, don’t tell me I’m actually falling in love with him.

Get it together, Jaeger. I only wanted to experiment with this; I never thought it would work out so perfectly. But, I have to admit, I was attracted to him a little. Well, only to his face and stuff, though. I never imagined that he would end up getting me to open up to him, even if it was just a little bit of information. I don’t really regret it, but it’s just unexpected is all. I didn’t want to toy with him, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just wanted to see if we were compatible. Well, we are. Surprise… But, if I tell Levi, then he’ll only make me do something I don’t want to do. So, I can’t tell him quite yet. That, and because I’m still not 100% sure of my feelings.

I lay down in my bed, already in pajamas, waiting for sleep to take me away. Hopefully, I’ll have a peaceful night. Maybe I won’t have any nightmares. Sure, I haven’t had them for a while, but you can never be too sure.

Now, all I need… to do… is… wait…

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_”I’m sorry, Mr. Jaeger. There’s nothing we could have done for her.” I watched as a doctor and a nurse walked away._

_It was quiet. It was cold. It was white. I was in a hospital. It’s empty, though. Why is it empty?_

_The room shifted, and I was left alone, in the dark, crying._

_They couldn’t save Mikasa. They let her die. Those stupid fuckers. How could they let a girl so young die like that?_

_I cowered into myself, holding my arms. I was shaking. I was shaking so much. It doesn’t matter. There’s nobody here to see me like this, right? That’s right. I’m all alone now. I have nobody left._

_That’s when I saw a hand appear in front of me. A hand? I looked up and saw Levi. He wanted me to stand up, right? But how can I? I can’t do it._

_He apparently noticed that I was too weak to stand, so he sat down next to me. He wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry into his shirt._

_Levi is nice. He’s comforting, and safe, and he won’t leave me. Right? He can’t leave me. He’s all I have left…_

_Why has it suddenly gone cold?_

_I picked my head up and looked around. Levi was gone. Where did he go? Is he leaving, too? I guess I’m better off alone after all._

**___________________________________________________________________________________________________**

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, drenched in sweat. I looked around my dark room, panting frantically. I ignored my alarm and ran over to the wall so I could flip the switch and turn on the lights. The events of last night’s dream haven’t worn off.

I walked over to my bed when I verified that the lights were indeed, on. I grabbed my phone and turned off my alarm, making my way over to my dresser. I opened it, hoping to find a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

I picked out a pair of navy blue sweats and a green t-shirt, and grabbed a towel from my closet. Hopefully I could take a shower. The dream I had last night had made me sweat like a fucking dog or something. Do dogs sweat? Can dreams make you sweat? How is that even possible? Like, I’ve seen it in TV shows and stuff, but I thought they were just exaggerating. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Now isn’t the time for philosophical thinking, Eren. You need to take the damn shower. I mean _I_ need to take the damn shower.

~

After my shower and taking several minutes in there pondering whether or not my dreams were, in fact, exaggerating, I got dressed. I pulled on my clothes, just like after every other shower I’ve ever taken.

I grabbed my phone off of the bathroom counter and walked out, heading towards the living room. I had some time before work, considering it was only 9:48 in the morning. I walked to the kitchen, bringing out a carton of eggs.

Eggs are weird, you know? They’re like, dead babies and it’s just really gross when you think about it too much, so I’m not going into detail. But seriously, they’re like, all yellow and stuff. It bothers me. I don’t know why I’m getting bothered because of eggs, and I don’t care.

I got out the pan and all the other stuff you use to make scrambled eggs and started cooking. Maybe, just maybe, this meal will turn out enjoyable. 

I remember one time I had made eggs for Mikasa, and they had gotten cold, so I put them in the microwave for about a minute, and let me tell you this: I was cleaning like there was no tomorrow. Apparently, eggs do not belong in the microwave, so they fucking exploded in there. There were egg stains everywhere, and the microwave had broken. I don’t even know what I did wrong, and personally, I don’t want to know, either.

After like, five minutes of cooking the eggs on high, they were ready. I put them on a plate and brought them over to the living room, along with a spoon.

So now, while I eat this disgusting breakfast, I can plan out whatever the fuck I’m going to do until twelve in the afternoon. Jean is making me go in earlier than usual so I can bring in more money since I’m quitting on Saturday. Considering today is Wednesday, I would assume that I have about four more days of work and then I need to go job hunting.

I still don’t know how Levi managed to get me to quit my job. I never thought I would leave that place, but it turns out I did. Where else can I work? Not many places accept high school dropouts. Ugh, and I really don’t want to work at those stupid fast food places. Those “restaurants” are gross as fuck and their food is as real as a Barbie doll. And let me just say, Barbie dolls _do not_ taste good at all.

Anyways, that’s beside the point. So, for today I’m going to have to do nonstop working. That means I’ll have like ten customers today. This sucks so much. I really don’t feel like selling myself today, but there’s nothing else to do. I don’t have a backup job, and I certainly don’t have any money to pay the bills for this damn place.

Prostitution was not the right way to go, now that I think about it. But, I was a fucking retard (I still am) who didn’t know anything better to do than to sell myself out for money. I probably could’ve worked at McDonald’s or something, but I am _not_ getting paid minimum wage.

I finished my plate of eggs and put my plate and spoon in the sink, along with the other dishes piled up. I should really clean them, but I just don’t feel like doing it right now. I don’t feel like doing anything, but I guess I need to suck it up.

~

After almost three hours of watching movies and doing nothing, I grabbed my keys and walked out to my car, driving to work. If only I hadn’t agreed to work for the rest of the week.

When I got there, I parked my car in the back of the building and headed inside through the back door so I could avoid any of those creeps in the lobby. I usually try to avoid them as much as possible, but some days I just get lazy and forget. Those are usually the days I almost get molested, but end up getting saved by a certain Horse-Face because he needed to tell me something. Those are also the more embarrassing days of my life.

I walked through the thin hallway, walking past several sheets and containers of bleach before I found the hallway that contained all of the dressing rooms. I walked to the end of the big hall and found the door that said “Armin & Eren” on it. It’s kind of sad knowing that soon it’ll just say “Armin”.

I knocked on the door softly and opened it slowly, making sure I wouldn’t walk in on an undressing Armin. Fortunately and unfortunately, Armin wasn’t in there. He probably had to go to work already.

I sat on the bed in the room (we had it there in case we got tired) and took my phone out my pocket. I decided to at least text Jean so he would know that I was here.

 **Me:** _im in the dressing room so hurry up and come bring me my outfit_  
 **Jean:** _Whatever Jaeger. I’m on my way._

A minute or two later, Jean showed up with my clothes and left, letting me change.

~

The outfit was kind of revealing, if you asked me.

I was wearing a green cape that had black wings with white wings overlapping it on the back. I didn’t have a shirt, so I had to button the cape closed. I was wearing shorts that cut off right after my butt ended. I had on black knee-high socks and black heels that were about three inches tall. Now, all I need to do is my makeup. Well, maybe I’ll skip the makeup this time.

All in all, I looked pretty damn good.

Just then, I heard a knock on the door before Jean walked in again to tell me where my next client was.

“Room three, as usual,” Jean said. “But, let me just warn you ahead of time: your next client is kind of pissy, so I recommend that you don’t get him angry.” Well, I guess I can always trust Jean for getting me some really nice people. _Jean: The Protector of Eren._ Yeah, right.

“Okay, I’ll get going, then,” I sighed. 

I walked over to the door, passing Jean on my way out to go to work. Since my dressing room is right near the stairs that take me up to all the rooms, I just need to make a right and start walking up. And, walking up in three inch tall heels isn’t easy. 

By the time I got up what felt like a thousand stairs, (but in reality is only like thirty or something,) I walked in the thin hallway on the second floor. I stopped when I approached room three.

Let’s just see how pissy this guy can be.

I quickly opened the door, stepped inside the room, and closed it behind me. I turned around to face the man. I could feel the fear envelop my body. It was as if darkness had consumed me. In a way, it was.

The man who stood before me was none other than _Grisha Jaeger._

“D-Dad,” I stuttered. “W-what are you doing h-here?” Why was my _dad,_ of all people, here? He left without telling us where he was going or even why he left, and now he’s back. Why now? Of all times, why now?

“I should be asking you the same thing, son,” he spat. “You’re pathetic. I knew you were disgusting, but I never thought you would be _prostituting_ yourself for money.” He put emphasis on the word _prostituting._ Way too much emphasis, if you ask me. “You don’t deserve to be alive if you’re going to be working here. You don’t deserve to have Mikasa, either. Where is she?”

I can’t tell him where she’s at. I can’t risk losing her. My fear was soon replaced with anger and hatred for my father. “What does it matter to you?” I growled. “You left when she was four, so why do you want her? She doesn’t want you, and she doesn’t need you, either. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of Mikasa.”

I walked over to my sorry excuse of a father and crossed my arms. Thanks to the heels I was wearing, I was the same height as him. 

We glared at each other for a few seconds longer before my dad broke the silence. “I don’t want my daughter to be raised by a hooker,” he said. “I don’t need her to grow up to be some sort of whore. She can do so much better without you. I bet you’ve already got her wearing miniskirts, heels, and makeup.”

“I’ll have you know,” I said through clenched teeth. “I’m making sure she avoids that crap. I don’t need her growing up like that. So, don’t fucking tell me that she’s gonna be like me. Don’t you fucking dare, _Grisha._ ” He’s not my father. No, he’s not. I don’t need him and neither does Mikasa. I’ve grown up without him for a year now, and even in the other seventeen years, I didn’t see him. He was always on business trips, so why do I need him now?

“What the fuck did you say? Eren Jaeger, if you give me attitude one more time, I swear, I will do everything in my power to kill you.” _Kill me?_ Nice try. I know he’s bluffing. We have security here, so they always get a pat down and that other shit at airports. Like, that bar thing that scans you to see if you have metal. I don’t know what it’s called, but who cares. There’s no way he can kill me if he was checked to see if he had any harmful objects on him.

“Nice try,” I scoffed. “But you get a pat down, right? So there’s no way you could have snuck anything in. Besides, they have those metal detectors, so you couldn’t have brought anything in here.” 

I stepped back, and felt a blast of pain overcome my face. I fell on the floor as I felt pain form on my side, and then spread to the rest of my body. I looked up and saw that he was kicking me. He wasn’t holding back, either. I closed my eyes and cringed. 

He stopped kicking me for a second, so I took off my heels and stood up, looking for the security button that was in the room. I never had to use it before, so I didn’t bother memorizing where it was located. I just knew that we had the button somewhere in here.

When I finally saw where it was, my dad had stepped in front of it, holding a pocket knife. How did he sneak that in?

He lunged at me, with the knife pointed towards my throat, and I took a step to the side, barely missing the knife point. He turned around, running towards me. I tried to side step it, but I wasn’t quick enough. He cut through the cape and cut my side. I felt blood drip down my stomach, rolling down to my legs. I put my hand over the wound, trying to stop the bleeding as much as possible.

I saw my father smirk when he could see how much pain I was in. The pain from both the cut and the punches and kicks were taking their toll on my body. I stumbled towards the door, opening it, when he pulled me back. Thankfully, the door didn’t close, but I was also on the floor, unable to move.

“This is it,” my dad said. “This is where you die.” He looked down at me, an evil smile plastered on his face. He had the knife pointed down at me, ready to stab.

“Not yet,” I coughed. “JEAN! MARCO!” The only thing I could do now was yell and hope that somebody would hear me. “ JEAN! HELP ME! Jean, please! Help, me.” I heard sick laughter pour out of a certain psychopath’s mouth.

I closed my eyes, accepting my fate, when I heard footsteps running towards the room. I opened one eye to see Jean run in the room, throwing my father down. The knife fell to the ground. Jean was punching my dad, making sure he wouldn’t be able to get up to get me. I looked back towards the door to see Marco reaching down to pick me up.

Marco looked like he was going to cry. It’s best if I don’t see it. I closed my eyes and focused on how he was holding me. He was holding me bridal style, making sure that I wouldn’t fall.

I wish I could just pass out. I want to be able to escape this pain, if only for a little while. I don’t want to endure this. I just want to sleep so I could get through this. But, the amount of damage done isn’t enough to make me go unconscious. Maybe I’ll pass out from blood loss. Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s just hope that I don’t die.

I opened my eyes again to see that I was in my dressing room, lying down in the bed. Marco was wrapping me in bandages. I could see how sad he looked. He was biting his lip, his eyes were squinted, and he just looked plain upset that I was hurt.

“Marco,” I whispered. He looked away from the bandages to look at my face. I’m guessing I looked pretty bad, because he didn’t look anywhere near relieved that I was able to talk considering how much pain I was in.

“Shh,” he whispered. “You need to rest. Go to sleep.” Is sleep okay in this sort of situation? Well, I don’t care. I just want to escape this cruel reality for a little while.

I closed my eyes, feeling drowsiness pull me under. 

Maybe I’ll be able to have a dreamless rest. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tokiyaismine.tumblr.com ~ if you need to ask me anything or whatever, go talk to me there ^.^


	10. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets a jetpack, and by jetpack I mean visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update guys!!! I have a whole bunch of stuff going on!  
> Oh yeah, and so I go to the psychiatrist starting Monday (WHYYY)

Pain. Pain is the only thing I’m feeling. Damn, this hurts. What was I doing anyways?

Oh yeah, now I remember.

I had walked into my usual room, and saw dad there. Then, he got all fucking madman on me and tried to kill me with his stupid pocket knife. I don’t know what ticked him off, but whatever it was, it must’ve been bad. 

I opened my eyes, fighting the urge to go back to sleep. After a few seconds of trying to pry my eyelids open, I was able to keep my eyes open and regain my consciousness slowly.

I have a massive headache, my side hurts like I got hit by a truck, and my face and every other part of my body is throbbing. Dad really _was_ trying to kill me. He wasn’t holding back in the slightest bit.

I looked around the dressing room from where I was laying, and my eyes landed on something dark. My vision was still a little bit fuzzy, so I can’t really tell who it is. But, the person looks really familiar. I blinked a few times before my vision cleared and I could make out who it was. _Levi._

How did Levi get here? More importantly, _when_ did he get here? How long have I been asleep?

“Levi,” I whispered. My throat hurt, and my voice sounded raspy. “What are you doing here?”

I tried to sit up, but failed miserably. Apparently, when your arms get kicked and stomped on, they get weaker. Who knew? Levi helped me up and put a pillow behind my back. When I was propped up on the bed, he handed me a glass of water with a straw in it. To be specific, it was a green _bendy_ straw. How fancy.

I sipped the water through the straw, listening to Levi speak. “One of your friends called me and told me to come over here. So here I am, and now that we have that out of the way, _what the_ fuck _happened to you?”_

I finished the water and gave it to Levi so he could put it on the floor. “Well,” I sighed. My throat didn’t hurt as much thanks to the water, but it wasn’t 100% pain free, either. “My dad found out where I worked, and he kind of requested me. And then, I got the crap beat out of me. That’s about it.” I managed to make a smile form on my face, but it soon disappeared. I was remembering the things he had said to me.

 _”You’re pathetic. I knew you were disgusting, but I never thought you would be_ prostituting _yourself for money.”_

I know I’m disgusting, dad. You don’t need to tell me that. I’m fully aware of it.

Levi pulled me into his arms and tangled his fingers in my hair. “Don’t cry,” he whispered. I hadn’t even known that I was crying until he pointed it out. That’s been happening a lot lately, huh.

I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, hoping I would be able to stay like that for a little while longer. Thankfully, fate felt like it was cruel enough to me, so I got something I wanted for once. Levi still had his arms wrapped around me, and I was still trying to get as close as possible to him, but something felt off. I listened closely, only to hear that Levi was sobbing quietly. 

I patted his head and ran my fingers through his hair, trying to comfort him. “Now you’re the one crying, Levi,” I said. “I’m fine, okay? It’s alright.”

He pulled away and looked me in the eyes; fear and confusion splayed across his face. It’s pretty weird, since I can’t really read people’s emotions easily. But, something about Levi’s expression is showing that something is definitely wrong. I just know it.

“You don’t know what you look like, do you?” he asked in a hushed voice. Usually, that might have sounded extremely sexy, but now, it sounds painful to my ears. I could clearly see how hard it was for him to fight the urge to throw himself at me. “I need a mirror. Where do you keep them?”

“Uh, there should be one in the drawer over there,” I said, pointing at my vanity dresser. Levi walked over to it, quickly found a mirror in the messy drawer, and sat back down on the bed. He handed me the mirror, biting his lip and forcing himself to look away.

I held the mirror up to my face, and what I saw looked nothing like me. 

My right eye had a purple ring around it, and my cheeks were puffy and swollen. My lip had a cut on it (I don’t know how I got that one) and my jaw had a black bruise on it. I can’t wait to see what the rest of my body looks like.

Levi had every right to cry. I probably do, too, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to feel bad about myself. I don’t deserve Mikasa, and I definitely don’t deserve Levi. But, one thing I did deserve was having the crap beat out of me. Yeah, I definitely needed that.

“Oh,” was all I managed to say after looking at myself in the mirror. What else is there to say, really? I don’t need Levi to worry about me more than he already does. Well, even with Levi pushed aside, there’s still one more person I don’t want to worry. Mikasa. What on earth am I going to do about Mikasa? I don’t need her seeing me all bruised up. Can I cover this with makeup? No, I can’t. The bruises are too dark and that would require a shitload of makeup, and I don’t really have a whole bunch to spare.

Levi turned to face me, and I could clearly see that he had trails of tears on his cheeks. Did I really mean that much to him? Or, was my bruised up body making him remember those days from when he was in that gang of his? It could be either one, but I don’t know which one I want to prefer.

Levi clutched onto me, as if he were the one bruised up and needed comforting. It actually hurt, kind of. I still have a slash on my side, and I have bruises everywhere, but I didn’t complain. I know Levi only means the best, even if he forgets that I’m in so much pain right now, but no biggie.

We stayed like that for a little while longer until Levi finally calmed down. (I should be the one that needs to calm down, but whatever.) And, fortunately, somebody decided to visit after Levi’s little breakdown.

A slight knock was heard on the door before a certain blonde showed up with a few other people. Everybody piled in, and then I got to look at their faces when there was no more movement in the room.

Armin was there and apparently he had brought some of the other workers. There was Bertholdt, Reiner, that random chick I didn’t know (I think her name was Claire) and that random guy I don’t know (I think his name is Arthur.) I don’t really know the other two, but I know the two blondes and the extremely tall man.

Armin walked up first and gave me a hug. A hug that was too tight, if I might add. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Levi get off the bed and stand in the corner. I guess he doesn’t really like people.

“I glad you’re okay, Eren,” Armin whispered in my ear. “Sorry this happened to you.” I returned the hug, and gave Armin a squeeze that wasn’t as tight as the one I had gotten.

“I’m fine,” I said. “I just need some rest, that’s all.” A whole month of rest should do it. 

Armin pulled away from me with a smile. I don’t know what I did, but at least he’s kind of happy, I guess. Well, not happy, but at least he might be relieved. I don’t know.

Armin went and stood back in line with the other four people. He’s definitely the smallest out of everybody who works here. He looks especially small since he’s standing next to Reiner and Bertholdt. Not a very good choice, if you ask me. Reiner took two steps forward and coughed, as if he was trying to clear his throat. As if somebody forgot, Bertholdt took as step forward. So maybe he didn’t have to clear his throat, but call Bertholdt over. That’s what I call teamwork.

“We just want to say that we hope you get better and feel well soon,” Reiner said in his all too loud voice.

“And, I just want to say that uh,” Bertholdt said, very shyly if I might add. “It’s sad to see our Titan-Shifter go, but at least we get to keep in touch. Take care of yourself, Eren.” With a nod, the two of them took their place back into the line. Well, this is more of a presentation rather than an actual sincere “Get Well Soon” or “We’ll Miss You” party.

“Uh, thanks?” I said, making sure the confusion was evident in my voice. Reiner flashed a smile, and Bertholdt’s lips tugged up at the ends, only visible if you were paying attention.

At that point, the other girl, Claire stepped forward. She had green eyes and brown hair, like me, except her eyes weren’t as beautiful as mine. Mine are a lovely turquoise, hers are just green. There’s a big difference, okay? Her hair goes to her shoulders, and she’s pretty timid if you ask me. Levi’s intimidation only spread throughout the room, so she was shaking more than usual. It’s weird, actually. She can have sex with random strangers, but she can’t make a decent conversation with her co-workers. Maybe it’s because they _are_ strangers.

“Uh, I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better soon,” she said, barely audible. With a slight nod of her head, she went back in line. I guess she doesn’t really talk. Not like I care…

When she stood back in the line of workers, Arthur stepped forward. He had short, black hair. It was kind of the same length as mine. He also had dark blue eyes that stood out whenever you looked at his face. He was kind of pale, really, so that’s why his features popped out. He was also pretty thin, but I heard that he’s pretty built for a guy his size. I don’t know who came up with that rumor, since he doesn’t share a dressing room with anyone, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have to believe it. It’s fun to pretend.

He stretched his hand out to me, which I grabbed, and he our hands. And I mean, he shook _both_ of our hands. Now I’m definitely going to believe that rumor. “I know I don’t talk to you, but I hope you get better, and it’s sad to see you go, Titan-Shifter.” He said that last part with a wink, and I really hoped Levi didn’t see that. It’s not that I was embarrassed (I kind of was) but I just hate it whenever people say my stage name with a wink like that. It’s like, I don’t know, it just bothers me.

“It’s pretty sad to go, actually,” I admitted. “I’ll miss you guys.” Arthur pulled his hand away with a smile and stepped back in line next to Claire. I looked at the line of people. It’s pretty upsetting to know that it’s only going to be those five working here from now on.

“We’ll be going now, Eren,” Armin said. “I’ll talk with you later, okay?” I nodded and Armin led the group out of the room. I don’t know where Armin’s going, considering this dressing room is his. 

When the door closed, Levi sat back down on the bed. He crossed his arms and put one of his legs over the other. “Why do you guys only have one girl?” he asked. 

“Well,” I said. “Jean said it was because this place was like, for gay men only. But then, the owner of this place wanted more business, so he said that it could also be for women and straight men. That’s when he started looking for girls, but only one had applied for the job. But, Jean said that a couple of other girls were going to be interviewed in a couple of days.” Truth be told, Claire makes us a lot of money. Since she’s the only female here, she has both men and women wanting her. She’s like our own little pot of gold.

“I see,” Levi muttered. “Well, anyways, we should probably get going. I don’t want to stay here, and I’m pretty sure that Armin guy would like to use his own dressing room.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I guess you’re going to have to carry me, then.” I put my hands up, motioning for him to pick me up. To my surprise, he actually did. I knew he was strong, but I didn’t think he could pick me up. I weigh like what, 140 pounds? I don’t even know.

“Say goodbye to this place, Eren,” he said, “because you’re not coming back here.” There’s no way I can work the rest of the week like this. And there’s certainly no way Levi is gonna let me work here again. It’s time to forget about this place, I guess.

Levi took me outside to the back of the building and found my car. It’s not hard to find, actually. It’s the oldest one there is. Levi opened the door and placed me on the passenger’s seat and got in himself.

Time to go home, I guess. Or, time to go to Levi’s home. Yeah, that sounds just about right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren is very protective about his eyes because he knows that they're really pretty, okay?
> 
> Follow me on tumblr! tokiyaismine.tumblr.com  
> I'll also be tracking the tags: #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine  
> So, if you want me to see something, use those tags ^.^


	11. Nap Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi talk at home. Yeahhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get a special surprise this chapter c:

“What am I gonna do about Mikasa?” 

“Beats me,” Levi said. He walked through the door and brought me a cup of tea. Green tea, to be exact. “What does it matter? It’s either you worry about your face and don’t see the brat, or you quit looking at yourself and see her. Pick one and then you can be on your merry way.” Well, that wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but at least he tried.

“I know,” I sighed. I brought the cup to my lips and drank, careful not to spill it. Levi had carried me into his room and told me to lie down. His room was, to say the least, sparkly. Everything was cleaned and organized, and everything was either black or white. “I just don’t want her to be scared or sad if she sees me all bruised up. I don’t know how she’s gonna react, and I don’t think I want to know, either.”

“That’s the problem with little kids these days,” Levi said. He sat down on the bed next to me and took a sip of his tea before continuing. “You can’t raise them up in a family friendly environment or else they’ll never get used to the cruel reality that is Life. If you keep them safe and sound, they won’t know what to do when danger comes.” He has a point there. Except for one thing…

“You do know that Mikasa saw her parents get killed when she was three, right?” Do you really call _that_ family friendly? If you do, then you must not know about the word traumatizing.

“Well, she’s probably forgotten about that. Even if she hasn’t, that still isn’t enough to have her not be afraid of dangerous situations. In fact, it should scar her and make her feel even more scared.” Damn Levi and his ability to always be right.

“So you want me to show up at the hospital with a fucked up face?”

“Basically,” Levi sighed. He set his cup down on his nightstand, along with my cup. I saw him sit down on the bed next to me, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Just see what the kid says. If she gets scared, tell her you were saving a dog from getting hit by a truck or something. Tell her you were protecting some kid from getting beaten up. Maybe then she’ll think that you were doing something heroic, so she won’t be scared.” There we go again with the always being right.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll do it.” I crossed my arms and closed my eyes, trying to think of an excuse to make.

Maybe I could tell her that a little girl was getting picked on, and that I was trying to help her. Or, I could tell her that I saved a dog from getting hit by a car. She’ll probably believe me if I say I fell down the stairs somewhere. Well, one of those will work, right? Yeah, there’s no way I can go wrong with that. Well, maybe the stairs story might freak her out, but it’s worth a shot. I’ll say whatever I think of when I get there.

I sunk down into the bed and turned to face Levi. “Hey, Levi,” I said. He looked down at me and lifted up an eyebrow, as to show that he was listening. ‘’Can I take a nap?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Of course you can take a nap, nobody’s stopping you.” 

“Well then, can you take a nap with me?” He blinked a few times and cocked his head to the side. It looked kind of cute, to be honest. I sighed and pulled him down so he could lie side by side with me. “Like this.”

“I know how to fucking lay down, kid,” he grumbled. “I mean, _why_ do you want me to do this with you?” 

And thus, the heartfelt and cheery mood has been lifted and has been replaced with an unsettling mood, instead. I actually wanted to take a nap because I’m tired as fuck and these bruises hurt, but I didn’t want to risk having another nightmare. Usually, whenever I sleep with Mikasa, I never have bad dreams. But, when I sleep alone, there’s no telling if I’ll have a nightmare that night, and if I do, I’ll never know how bad it’ll be. I just thought that if I had another person’s warmth, I would have a peaceful rest. But, there’s no way I could tell this to Levi.

“Well, you expect us to be lovers, so shouldn’t we try doing something like this?” I rolled my eyes and turned my body so my back was facing Levi. “But I guess you just don’t want to do it.”

At that, Levi wrapped his arms around me. Our legs intertwined a bit, and he felt kind of tense. “Shut the fuck up, Jaeger. I do what I want, when I want.” Yes, Levi was definitely acting stubborn and he was absolutely terrified. He doesn’t even know how cute his voice sounds like that. It’s like he’s trying to raise his voice at me, but he’s staying really quiet about it. How charming.

“If you’re gonna do this,” I said. “You shouldn’t be so tense. You can relax a little, okay? I’m the one who suggested this, so you don’t need to worry about how I’ll react to any of it.” Levi relaxed, and I felt his forehead rest against my shoulder.

“I know,” he said. “I know why you wanted me to do this. You can’t hide it from me.” There’s no way he could possibly know why I asked him to do this, right? “I may be right, and I may be wrong, but don’t think I’m oblivious enough to not make up an excuse for why you want me so close to you. Well, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just go to sleep or something.”

“Yeah,” I muttered. What if his reasoning is right? Well, it’ll be all that easier to not try to hide it. I guess I’ll just see how this plays out. 

I shut my eyes and tried to concentrate on sleeping. Levi was warm, and he felt really comforting. It was like even though we both did some inappropriate things in our life, we could throw it all away and forget about it and try to live a normal life. Sooner or later it’ll come back to us, but for the time being, it was best to just forget everything. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do; at least, while I’m asleep. It’ll work out just fine. I just know it.

[ **LEVI’S P.O.V.** ]

I held my arms around Eren, and heard his breathing slow, which meant he fell asleep.

I know why he wanted me to take a nap with him. His eyes show all of his emotions, so he’s easy to read. The kid’s like an open book. When he asked me, his eyes were dull. It was like he was scared of what was going to happen if he didn’t do what needed to be done. I had realized that he must’ve been having nightmares. He never wanted me to touch him, so he craves another person’s touch to make it through the night. I don’t see why he couldn’t just tell me, though. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I still get nightmares at my age, but I’ve learned to manipulate them.

Maybe he didn’t tell me straight up because he feels like he’s relying on me too much. Well, I don’t blame the kid. I pretty much made him become my lover. I thought he would put up more of a fight, but I guess not. He just wants all the help he can get, doesn’t he? Maybe if I got the help I needed, would I be the way I am now? No, stop thinking like that. I have to focus on Eren. Sweet, innocent Eren. His cute face only adds to his innocence. And those eyes. Oh god, his eyes are so weird, but in a good way. They’re like a mixture or turquoise, green, and blue. It’s like, a vibrant green that has a hint of aqua, yet it’s not bright enough to stick out. It’s really tough to describe, but it suits him perfectly.

I guess I should take responsibility for my actions. If I want Eren to trust me, then god dammit I’m going to make him trust me whether he wants to or not. I want him to rely on me and I want him to look for me whenever he’s in trouble. He doesn’t deserve to have all those burdens laid on his shoulders, so I have to help him. He doesn’t need all of this trouble in his life. He would’ve lived a happy, normal life if his stupid dad hadn’t left. He wouldn’t be hurt right now if it weren’t for his dad. What other problems has that man caused? It doesn’t matter what they are anymore. What’s done is done. But, he better pray that he doesn’t cross paths with me. I swear, if I see him, I’m beating his ass for causing so much pain to both Eren and his family.

I turned my head and looked at Eren’s sleeping face. His mouth was open a little, and I could see how relaxed he was. He didn’t look angry or worried, or anything at all for that matter. He looked tired and younger. He looked like he was 15, to be honest. Thank God he’s 18, if not, then what I’m doing with him would be illegal. 

What am I doing with him anyways? I’m 26 years old. I don’t need to be looking after some kid. But, my emotions tend to differ. My emotions are what made me tell him I liked him. Usually, I never would have told him. I actually never would have fallen for him. But, something about him made me want to take care of him. Maybe it was the fact that he had to prostitute himself in order to pay the bills. Yeah, that’s probably it.

I closed my eyes and sighed, tired and upset. I’m not sure why I’m upset, but let’s blame it on my lack of sleep. Speaking of sleep, I should probably get to doing that. 

[ **EREN’S P.O.V.** ]

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, drowsiness still lingering on my body and mind. I want to go back to sleep. Sleep sounds like a fabulous idea right now. I turned my head down to see Levi sleeping. I had broken free of his arms, so he woke up. He pulled me back down onto the bed and rested his head on my shoulder. Does he always act so childish when he barely wakes up?

“What time is it?” I asked. 

“It’s like 10 at night or something. Go back to sleep,” Levi muttered in my shirt. When I got to Levi’s place, he lent me some clothes that his friend left here. They were a girl’s clothes, but thankfully she seemed to wear clothes for men. So, technically, I was still wearing clothes made for a man.

“Fine,” I sighed. Before I could even process what I was doing, I turned my body to face Levi and wrapped my arms around him. Sometimes I would sleep like this with Mikasa, holding her so she didn’t get nightmares, so I got used to sleeping like this.

I rested my face in Levi’s hair. His hair smelled like coconuts and it was really soft. Huh, you never would have guessed that such a scary guy would have such great smelling hair. I closed my eyes and waited to fall back to sleep.

Tomorrow, I would get to see Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys!!! I was planning on making this chapter longer, but that would have taken waaaaay too much time :C So, i decided just to upload this and be on my merry way. Anyways, i hope you enjoyed this!! I already have the next chapter planned out and maybe the next two following that, so don't worry, okay? ^.^
> 
> Remember, my tumblr is tokiyaismine.tumblr.com just in case you wanna talk.  
> I'm tracking the tags #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine ~ so use those tags if you want me to see anything


	12. Quit Staring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren wait in a stupid waiting room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late and just ugh im sorry its so short, too. im sorry for everything.  
> school has been on my ass lately, my grades suck and i have a shitton of homework to do, so im not able to always write. Plus my sister keeps taking my laptop to do her homework on, so that's eating up my computer time, as well.
> 
> but, even though this is so short, i wanted to update something so you guys know that im not abandoning this!!! so, yes.... im sorry. Scold me, say its fine, do whatever you want.

I covered my face with my hands and sighed. “They keep staring at me,” I said. Ever since I got to the hospital, 1 hour ago, all the kids and adults were looking at me.

“Well, I would stare at somebody if their face was bruised up, too,” Levi countered. “I mean, they’re pretty fucking curious to know what happened, right?” When Levi said the word _fucking_ the lady next to us got out of her seat and moved somewhere else, taking her son with her. She’s been giving us strange looks all morning because of the way he talked, but I’m glad she’s gone.

“I know, but I just wish I could get rid of them somehow.” I would feel flattered at all the eyes on me if the situation was different. Maybe. 

Levi took off the black jacket he was wearing to reveal a white long sleeve shirt underneath it. He threw the jacket over my face and clasped his hands together in the seat. “Use this to cover your face then,” he said.

“Why didn’t you give this to me an hour ago?” I asked.

“Because whenever they stare at you, I glare at them, and it’s fucking hilarious to see their reactions,” he stated. When he puts it like that, I can’t help but agree with him. “Especially the little kids. They tear up and try not to bawl their eyes out.”

“And you’re proud of that?” I asked while putting the hood over my head. I didn’t even bother with the sleeves because I knew it’d be too small for me, so the hood would have to do.

“Why wouldn’t I? Well, the only time I’m not proud of my glaring is when it doesn’t work on certain people. That’s when I have to use other means to warn people off.”

“Like what?”

Levi chuckled at that. “You’ll see soon enough,” was all he said. Okay, I’m not sure if I should still trust him, or if I should cower and hide. 

“Eren Jaeger,” a voice called out. I looked up and saw a nurse holding a clipboard. Levi stood up and walked a couple of steps before looking back at me, and I followed suit. I tried to hide my face with the hood so I could avoid the people’s stares while I walked, but they just never stopped. Levi had apparently noticed since he turned his head around and glared while flipping everybody off. I don’t think showing that certain finger alone in a hospital with kids is very appropriate, but who am I to judge? All the eyes quickly turned away and Levi turned back around, grabbing my hand.

“Levi,” I whispered in his ear. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m giving them a reason to stare at, you idiot,” he whispered back. “If they wanna keep their dirty eyes on you, then they’ll have to keep their eyes on our hands, too.” It makes sense now that I think about it.

So, hand in hand, we followed behind a petite nurse with brown hair and stayed quiet. While we walked through the halls, I could see people giving us ugly looks. Whether it’s from my bruised up face and the intimidating man next to me, or from our hands being locked together. Who knows? The world is so judgmental these days, it could be either one.

After passing by eight people, and making three turns in the stupid hospital, the nurse finally stopped in front of a white door. She turned around and said, “This is the room,” before walking away. It’s nice that the staff here do their job right.

I reached out to the door handle, but my hand only made it halfway. I could see that I was shaking. I kept my left hand locked with Levi’s, but I turned to face him and leaned my head onto his shoulder. I had to bend my knees a little in order to do it, but I don’t care.

“What do you think she’ll say?” I asked quietly. “If she doesn’t believe what I tell her, or if she doesn’t think it was worth it, what do you think she’ll say?”

Levi placed his free hand in my hair and ran his fingers through the strands, sighing. “Maybe you should just tell her the truth, then,” he said. “The worst that can happen is that she‘ll want nothing to do with your father, but I doubt that’ll be much of a problem.”

“You always say just the right things,” I laughed. “You’re like a therapist, or a psychic or something.”

“Just shut the fuck up you stupid brat,” he growled. I could hear a little laughter in there, and I could practically see the smile forming on his face. I felt Levi kiss my forehead, and smiled at the warmth.

I lifted my head up and straightened my legs, my lips still smiling. I was glad Levi was here to help me through this. I was happy that Levi was here, with me. “Then let’s go in,” I said. I turned to face the door, grabbed the handle, and opened it.

A burst of cold air hit me when I walked through the doorway. It was freezing in here, and everything was white, which somehow only added on to its coldness. Levi followed me in and closed the door behind him, sealing us in this frozen tundra masked as a hospital room for children. I walked over to where a curtain was drawn shut, and opened it. There was only one bed in here, so I didn’t have to worry about opening the wrong one, or being too loud.

My eyes met with Mikasa’s, and I could see her light up with joy at the sight of me, despite my horrid face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember, if you ever want me to see anything, im tracking the tags: #fic:the things i do to live #tokiyaismine
> 
> and if you ever wanna talk or get ahold of me or something, go talk to me at tokiyaismine.tumblr.com
> 
> ._. or you can ask me for my skype whatever


	13. Mr. Levi, Eren, and Mikasa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Mr. Levi see Mikasa in the hospital. hooray!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked writing this because Levi has another side to him when he's around children, okay... well children he doesn't hate.

“Nii-chan, what happened to you?”

I sat on a chair next to Mikasa’s bed, and Levi was sitting in the other one, next to me. I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand, and clutched Levi’s jacket in my lap with the other. “Uh, well,” I stalled. I looked over to Levi, only to see him with his same stony expression. He’s such a great help. I sighed and put my hand down. “I saw Dad at work and then he did this to me.” I pointed to my face just in case she didn’t know what I meant.

Mikasa’s lip quivered and she crossed her arms. “I don’t like daddy,” she said. “He’s a big fat meanie and I don’t want him to be my daddy. I want Nii-chan and Mr. Levi to be my daddies.”

I choked on my spit and started a fit of coughing. While I was struggling to breathe, I heard Levi whistle behind me; a long whistle, at that. When I could finally regain my composure, I decided to ask something. “Uh, Mikasa, what brought that up?”

It was as if that one question alone made her forget about my bruised face and how mean our father was. She put her finger on her lip and smiled. “Well, last time when I saw Mr. Levi, he was really nice to me. And, you went on a walk with him, so that means he’s nice to you, too, Nii-chan. If Mr. Levi is nice, then that means he will be a good daddy, and then you can be my other daddy, too!” Mikasa flung her hands in the air and allowed giggles to escape her mouth.

“Maybe if _Nii-chan_ let me, I can be your other daddy,” Levi said, making sure to use the same keyword as Mikasa. “But, sometimes he can be really mean to me, so I don’t know about that. He’s super mean to me, and it really hurts my feelings, sometimes.”

“Nii-chan!” Mikasa yelled. She went from downright happy, to fucking sad and angry, back to happy, and now she’s mad at me. Children are so hard to deal with. “Don’t be rude! You have to be nice, or else people won’t be nice back to you, and then you’re going to cry.”

“You don’t have to be so mean, Eren,” Levi sighed. “Maybe I want to be Mikasa’s other daddy, hmm.”

“Yeah! So don’t be mean to Mr. Levi!”

How did I become the center of this conversation? And, why am I being the one targeted?

I faced Mikasa and sighed. “Okay, I’ll be nicer to Levi.” In the corner of my eye, I could see Levi smirking. “But, that means you have to eat your broccoli when I give it to you.” Mikasa hates broccoli, so it’s probably gonna be hard for her to give in at first.

“Okay,” she agreed. She didn’t even hesitate to answer that. It’s like these two made a pact or an alliance or something.

Just then, a doctor knocked and opened the door. Not a nurse, but an actual doctor. He looked kind of like a penguin, and I could barely see where his nametag read, “Günter”. He stood halfway in the doorway, and halfway in the hallway. I couldn’t help thinking of Marco and his skin condition; the way it made half of his body a slight shade of gray. I wonder how he’s doing right now. “Mr. Jaeger, if I could have a word with you in the hallway.”

I nodded and followed to the doctor to the hallway. Before I walked out of the room, I could see Levi talking to Mikasa, and I couldn’t help but feel a little happy at the thought that Mikasa wanted us to be her fathers. I can’t tell if I raised her right for not hating homosexuals, (even if she didn’t know what that was,)or if I raised her wrong for being okay with it. You can never tell with a society as fucked up as ours.

The doctor, Günter, closed the door behind me and held his eyes closed for three seconds before talking. “You don’t look like you can understand medical terms, so I’ll just tell it to you straight up.” So he’s a casual doctor, I see. “Something happened in Mikasa’s body that made her lungs stop functioning right. It was only temporary, but it put her into some sort of shock. We’ve had nobody visit her for the past few days because if she got too excited, then her lungs would’ve spazzed out like before. Since we kept the visitors away, we were able to regulate her breathing and take her off of her IV, as you see now. We decided to keep her away from people because while she was here in the hospital, so she could heal faster, and she kept going on and on about how Halloween was her favorite holiday, so we wanted her to have some fun. She should be able to leave today.” That’s right. Halloween is on Saturday, and today is Friday.

“Does she need to come back after Halloween, or…” I let my sentence trail off. Surely he knew where I was going with this.

“Yes, she needs to come back the following day. She is scheduled to have surgery. Her operation isn’t urgent, so she can go home for a couple of days, but it’s better to get it done as soon as possible to prevent any other incidents like that from happening in the future.”

“How much is this gonna cost me?”

“Well, the past three days she’s spent in the hospital amount to about $300, and the surgery will be about $1,800. It’s very difficult and takes skilled surgeons to operate on a child, so the price is a tad high.” A _tad_ high? That’s fucking out of my budget.

“I see,” I sighed. “Uh, thank you very much.” He nodded and walked away, leaving me to go back into the room. I walked in and saw Levi carrying Mikasa on his shoulders.

“Nii-chan!” Mikasa yelled. “I’m taller than you now!” Well, she’s right, but she’s only taller than me by a few inches.

I took this as an opportunity to get Levi back for what he did to me. “You’re right, Mikasa! But, it’s such a shame that Levi’s still smaller than me.” I pouted my lip and got on my tiptoes. I kissed Mikasa’s cheek and then crouched down to kiss Levi on the forehead. Mikasa was beaming with joy, while Levi was… Well, let’s just say he was more than annoyed. I wore a smug grin on my face and took Mikasa off of his shoulders. I held her like I used to when she was little; my arm behind her back, and my other arm beneath her knees. Technically it’s called Bridal Style, but I don’t think that title suits a five year old.

“Looks like you get to leave today,” I laughed. “No more hospital. We can go home! And the first thing we’ll do is bake a cake!”

“Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!” Mikasa kept chanting the word _cake_ and Levi was getting his emotions in check after that kiss. Serves him right.

“I guess I’ll go pay the hospital bill,” Levi yawned.

“Levi, you don’t have to. I can pay for it.”

Levi let out a sarcastic ‘hah’ and wiped his eye. “You don’t have to money for it, kid. Besides, it’s fine. I never told you how rich my family is, so now you know. I’m loaded with money, so don’t worry about a thing.”

 _Loaded with money_? I guess he spends it all on cleaning supplies.

“If you’re okay with it then,” I agreed. “I guess it’s time to go.”

“Time to go home!” Mikasa yelled.

Yes, it’s time to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you wanna talk or just whatever my tumblr is tokiyaismine.tumblr.com
> 
> im tracking the tags: #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine ~ so if you want me to see anything, use those tags


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi spend part of the day at home, and then they go to the store. Not much happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there's no drama or angst in this chapter so feel free to relax and stuff

“Hey! Don’t stick your grubby fingers into the cake batter.”

“But, Heichou~”

I laughed to myself in the living room as I watched Levi and Mikasa try to bake a chocolate cake. Mikasa had wanted to taste the batter, so she stuck her fingers in the bowl. She had apparently learnt that _Heichou_ meant ‘captain’ or something while she was at the hospital from a Japanese native that worked there. And, Levi wasn’t one to complain, since he was basically going to be _Captain Levi_ from now on. Except for the fact that she only called him Heichou when she wanted something.

I walked into the kitchen and picked Mikasa up off of the stool she was standing on. I twirled her around as I held her and heard her laugh. It’s been a while since she’s done that. Sometimes, I like to think if this was how she would’ve been with her birth parents, or with Mom and Dad, had they both not disappeared.

I let go of Mikasa over the couch and she turned into a ball, which only meant that she wanted me to pick her up again. 5 year olds have too much energy. I can only imagine how much of a sugar rush this cake is going to give her.

I picked her up again and brought her into the kitchen. She was still in her little ball, with her knees tucked into her chest and her arms around her legs, so it wasn’t a very easy task to do. Levi had just finished putting the cake in, and holy crap I have never noticed how hot he looks in an apron. Well, sure he still has on pants and a shirt, but only he could pull that off. Seriously what’s wrong with that guy, though? He looks good in whatever you put him in.

Mikasa squirmed in my arms so I put her on the floor, and right when her feet touched the ground, she pulled Levi into the living room and sat him on the couch while she looked for god knows what. I sighed, because why did she make me carry her into the kitchen when she wasn’t even going to stay in there? Well, I didn’t have to take her into the kitchen, per se.

I sat down next to Levi as Mikasa looked for whatever it was she was looking for, and I decided now would be the right time for a kiss. So, I did just that. As soon as my lips touched his cheek, Levi was already pushing me away. I couldn’t help but laugh, because clearly he was embarrassed. I’ve gotten comfortable around him, mostly with Mikasa’s help. She doesn’t have a problem with him, so there’s no reason I should be so stiff and tense. In fact, Levi’s gotten more comfortable, too. It’s like we’ve been together for months, or even years. But, we’re not, so it’s kind of weird how natural I feel around him, but whatever.

Mikasa stood in front of the coffee table and dropped crayons, paper, pencils, and pens onto the table. She sat down on the floor and passed out a paper to each of us, gave Levi and I a pen, and she started coloring some sort of… thing with her crayons. It’s really hard to tell what she’s coloring, but from this view, and by looking at the colors she’s using, I’d say she could only be drawing one thing: Fluttershy. She really loves Fluttershy, okay.

“Hey, Levi,” I said. He turned towards me and lifted his eyebrow. “Write your name on your paper. Your _real_ name.” He stared at me for a full three seconds before sighing and replying with, “Whatever.”

Holy shit. His writing is… Terrible. I’d have expected for his hand movements to be as graceful as his body ones, but oh I was so wrong. So very wrong. It looked a little better than Mikasa’s sloppy writing, so Levi can barely write better than a five year old.

I laughed out loud, (instead of in my head, much to my mistake) and Levi punched me in the gut, but he made the blow softer than intended so it wouldn’t hurt much. I clutched my stomach and rested my head on his shoulder. “It’s not my fault you suck at writing,” I chuckled.

I regained my composure as fast as I could and picked up my pen. On the paper I wrote, ‘Eren Jaeger’ and let me just say this: it looked beautiful. I’m not lying. I’ve always been good at writing really pretty, so it’s not like I had to practice or anything. I smirked to show my accomplishment, but Levi grabbed the paper and crumbled it up. He stood up from the couch to go throw the paper away, and I followed.

“I’m sorry okay,” I sighed. I wrapped my arms around his waist and whined in his ear. Surely he would get annoyed at that, and that means he would have to give in.

“Sorry for what?” He muttered. Oh. My. God. Mikasa used to do that when she was four, and I really don’t miss hearing that phrase.

“I’m sorry for making fun of your handwriting, and I will never do it again,” I mumbled. He turned his head to face me and nodded. I’m starting to think that Levi is the 18 year old in this relationship, and I’m the 26 year old.

Mikasa ran over to us and Levi put his arms over mine so I couldn’t leave this position. Mikasa didn’t seem uncomfortable in the least, so I guess that made me a little happy. She showed us a picture and Levi grabbed it out of her hands, smirking as he saw it.

Mikasa had drawn me and Levi. I was sitting in the corner labeled, _Timie Outie,_ and Levi was laughing at me. Mikasa was in the corner looking angry. My guess was that I did something to upset her, thus getting me sent to time out, and Levi laughed at me while I was in the corner. I have no idea where she got this idea from, and I hope I never will.

“Nii-chan!” Mikasa yelled. “Can you hang the picture on the wall? I don’t think Mr. Levi can reach it.” I laughed as I pulled away from Levi and snatched the picture out of his hands.

“Sure thing, kiddo,” I chuckled. Levi was left in the kitchen scowling as I looked for a thumbtack in the living room, followed by Mikasa. I looked around and found one on the coffee table. I walked over to the wall that had Mikasa’s other drawings. (More specifically, the ponies from My Little Pony.) I tacked it to the wall and picked her up. “Now you better go apologize to Levi for calling him short, or else he’ll put _you_ in time out.”

Mikasa screamed in my arms, and this day couldn’t possible get better.

-x-

This day just got a whole lot better.

Levi had invited his friends over to my house so we could leave to go shop for Halloween costumes. We should’ve done it a long time ago, but it’s better to get them the day before than to not get them at all.

Levi’s friends are a bit of an… odd bunch. First, let’s start with Hanji. Apparently, she’s obsessed with anything and everything having to do with science. She also wears a lot of red and yellow, and Levi told me those are just about the only two colors she owns. Good to know.

Next is Erwin. Levi said that he owned the place where he worked at, and that everybody called him, _Commander Handsome._ No name is more perfect for him than that one. The only colors he wears are various shades of blue, except his shoes are either black or brown.

And finally, we have Mike. Levi said he was a chef and that his sense of smell is really good, so if he ends up smelling me, (which he did) I shouldn’t be scared. He never said anything about being freaked out, though. He wears just about every color known to man.

With the four of them, wearing blue, red and yellow, black, and like pink or whatever color, they kind of clash, so when they’re together, they definitely stand out.

Moving on from that, Mike drove us to a thrift store in his minivan. A _pink_ minivan, to be exact. I hated it, but Mikasa loved it. She said she felt like Barbie. The world ride to the thrift store was spent with Erwin and Mike talking in the front, Levi and I in an awkward silence, and Mikasa and Hanji talking about Barbie dolls. The ride couldn’t have been any more comfortable.

When we got into the store, Hanji offered to take Mikasa off my hands and go find her a costume. At least that gets rid of two chatterboxes. But, they also took Mike with them, so it was just Erwin, Levi, and me.

I felt kind of out of place since Levi knew Erwin and I didn’t, but it’s not like he’s gonna talk to me or anything.

“So, Eren,” Erwin said. “How did you meet Levi?” Oh, and now he’s talking to me.

“Uh, well,” I muttered. “Why don’t we ask Levi?”

“I fucked him on the first date,” Levi stated. He was expressionless when he said it, too, so that made it about 3000% worse.

“Thank you for lying like I was expecting for you to do,” I said. I could feel the blood rising to my face, and I was sure that they could see my cheeks growing pinker by the second.

“By date, what do you mean?” Erwin asked. Maybe I could lie as much as possible while still telling the truth. Maybe... Unless Levi ruins it.

“Well, he showed up at a place where I worked, and then we started talking and then next thing you know… We, uh, did it?” Oh God, I’m so horrible at explaining things.

“Eren,” Levi said. “You don’t have to tell that piece of shit anything. He already knows how we met and what your job used to be, so don’t try to hide anything.” There are no words to describe exactly how embarrassed I feel right now.

“Oh my God,” I sighed. I covered my face with my hands and heard Erwin’s laughs as Levi dragged me around the store. “Why are old people so mean?”

“Eren calm down,” Levi grumbled. “I’m not even old, and Erwin’s only 27. It’s not like we’re in our forties or anything.”

“But you’re still old,” I said, underneath my hands.

“Whatever, just hurry up and try to find Hanji, Mike, and Mikasa. I want to get the hell out of here. The people here are filthy.” 

Erwin reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “Hanji and the others are waiting for us in the front,” he said. “And she said that we should make sure we don’t laugh at Mike when we see him.”

“What did she do now?” Levi complained. I had already removed my hands from my face, so Levi took one of my hands in his and grabbed Erwin’s arm with his other one and dragged us to the entrance of the store. We got there a couple of minutes later, but Levi said he wanted to be careful because he didn’t want to “bump into any of the filthy people shopping here”.

Hanji and Mikasa thought it would be a great idea to put a princess tiara on top of Mike’s head, and she had already taken a picture of him for everybody to have. Including me, since she said that we should have each other’s numbers in case of an emergency. But, I think she just wants to tell me some embarrassing things about Levi, considering that she has been doing just that.

“I also bought costumes for you guys, too!” Hanji exclaimed. I picked up Mikasa and she nodded.

“Nii-chan, you’re going to be a kitty cat,” she said. “Ms. Hanji is going to be a science person, Mr. Mike is a princess, Mr. Levi is going to be a devil guy, and Mr. Erwin is going to be a surfer! But, my costume is the best because I’m going to be a pretty angel!”

“I bet you’ll look fantastic,” I said. Hanji gave me a bag that held Mikasa’s, Levi’s, and my costumes in it, and she had the other one that held her’s, Mike’s, and Erwin’s.

“Now take me out of here so I could go somewhere where the air isn’t contaminated with germs,” Levi mumbled.

“Alright,” Hanji sighed. “Come on, Mike. Time to take them home.”

Hopefully Halloween will be a great holiday for Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is tokiyaismine.tumblr.com and i'll be tracking the tags #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine ~ so if you want me to see anything use those tags or like message me or something idk


	15. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween. Hooray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk guys I know this is late but I really like Halloween.

“Don’t I look beautiful?!”

“You look absolutely lovely,” Levi muttered.

Levi sat in the living room, brushing Mikasa’s hair. She was seated on the floor, sitting on top of a red pillow so she wouldn’t get her costume dirty. Mikasa had gotten in her costume not too long ago, and so did Levi and I.

I was wearing a headband that had cat ears glued to it, along with a removable cat tail. I didn’t have an actual costume, so I wore a black, short sleeve shirt along with black pants and white shoes. Levi had on red devil horns, and he wore a plain, red t-shirt with black pants and red shoes. Mikasa had on a white, silk dress, white dress shoes, and white wings. She also had a halo, but it was on the coffee table.

Over the short while that Mikasa has known Levi, she’s grown to like him a lot. She always wants him to be with her, and it’s just really cute, actually. It’s especially cute because Levi always compliments her, and he lets her boss him around.

I stood in the kitchen, leaning over the counter when I heard a knock on the door. I walked over and opened it. Three people stood before me. The Hulk, also known as Reiner, a vampire by the name of Bertholdt, and Cinderella, whose real name is actually Annie. I had invited them to come trick-or-treating with us since I didn’t want Mikasa to be alone, but when I had invited them, I didn’t even know Levi at the time.

Levi put the halo on Mikasa’s head, and she immediately ran to Annie so she could compliment her on how she looked. Annie just kept nodding, listening to Mikasa babble on and on. Bertholdt went to sit next to Levi, and when I closed the door, Reiner stood by the doorway with me.

“So,” he whispered in my ear. “You finally got somebody to like somebody as stupid as you are. How did you bribe him? Money? Sex? A-“ I cut him off with a jab to the chest with my elbow. “I’m joking,” he choked out.

“And I don’t care,” I said. I walked over to stand in front of Bertl and Levi who were sitting comfortably on the couch. Well, they would have been if Bertl wasn’t shaking so much. He was actually shaking more than usual, so I had assumed that Levi was intimidating him too much. “This is Reiner and Bertholdt,” I said, motioning to the two. “I used to work with them. And, this is Levi.” I waved over at Levi and offered a smile. “He’s uh… My uh… Boyfriend, now?”

“Damn right,” Levi muttered under his breath. I really hope they didn’t hear that, but oh how cruel fate is to me. Reiner snorted and coughed to try and cover it up. He had moved to stand next to me, away from the doorway, so I jabbed him in the chest, yet again.

“Alright, enough of that,” I announced. “Why don’t we go get some candy already?” Mikasa and Annie broke away from whatever conversation they were having and started bouncing up and down. Well, Annie was actually just clenching and unclenching her fists, but Mikasa looked like she was about to jump through the ceiling.

“You got her candy bag, right?”

“Oh yeah,” Reiner said. “It’s right here.” He pulled out a plastic bag from his pocket, and I have never been so disappointed in my entire life.

“I’ll be right back,” I muttered, walking over to my room, snatching the bag out of Reiner’s hand on the way. Levi followed me to my room, closing the door behind us.

I grabbed a pillow from Mikasa’s side of the bed and pulled off the sleeve. The pillow case had Cinderella on it, so I thought it would be a pretty good fit for Annie’s costume. I also pulled the case off of one of my pillows, only because Mikasa would need one of her other pillows to sleep tonight. So, she would have to use a plain white one, but at least it’ll match her costume.

I turned around to walk out, but Levi had wrapped his arms around my waist, so I wasn’t able to move.

“Thanks,” he said into my shirt. “This is the first holiday I haven’t spent with Erwin, Hanji, or Mike, so I’m really happy I get to do this with you, even if Halloween isn’t considered an actual holiday around the world.” I smiled to myself and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I remember how he said he used to be in a gang, so that must’ve taken some of his free time, but just how lonely is he? Are those the only friends he has?

“You waited until we were alone to tell me this?” I said.

“Well,” he sighed. “I’m not gonna say it in front of those fuckers.” Levi tore himself away from me, and it kind of felt bad. Maybe when we come back home, we can just snuggle on the couch, because even as cliché as that sounds, I really want to feel his touch. “Come on, Eren. We don’t wanna stay in here all night, now do we?”

“Well, actually I kind of do, but I can’t so…” That may have been the stupidest answer I have ever given in my entire life. “Right let’s go Levi!” Just walk it off and pretend it never happened.

I opened the door and walked out with the pillowcases. I handed them to each of the girls, and after much of Reiner’s complaining, he finally accepted that he wouldn’t get a candy bag from me. Levi walked outside saying that he needed “to do something important”. Whatever that meant.

Mikasa and Annie went outside so they could run around or something, (I don’t know what five year olds do). “Have you two fucked yet?” Reiner asked once the girls were out of earshot.

“Reiner!” Bertholdt called out from the couch. “Don’t be so rude.”

“I’m joking, alright? C’mon, let’s go get some candy then, Mr. Polite.” I still think that Bertl is too good for Reiner, but they make a good couple. Wow, okay, that sounded like I was a teenage girl comparing the cutest couples in school. How about I never do that again.

Bertl got up from the couch and followed Reiner out the door. Well, he would’ve gone through the door, had Reiner not jumped and screamed. In the blink of an eye, Reiner was already clinging to Bertl and nobody knew what was going on. Annie and Mikasa had stopped talking and started laughing, because obviously they could see something I couldn’t.

Levi stepped into the doorway and laughed to himself. “Oh gosh, I didn’t think I’d scare him _that_ much.”

Reiner detached himself from Bertl and sighed. I bet he would be red right now, but who knows since he has green paint all over him? “Whatever, let’s go,” Reiner grumbled. He might have sounded mad, but that smile on his face betrayed him. I guess he’s glad Halloween is off to a scary start.

We all walked out to the lawn and began walking to find a house that was giving out candy. Annie and Mikasa were leading the way with their candy bags saying something like “the bags can tell where all the candy is”. Reiner and Bertholdt were walking in front of Levi and I, and they were talking about something. From the tiny shrieks I could hear coming from Bertl, I could tell Reiner was trying to scare the poor guy. Reiner’s an asshat.

Levi was holding my hand while we walked. But, from the squeezes he gave me every few seconds, I could tell that something was wrong. When Mikasa and Annie went to knock on a door for some candy, Levi clung onto my arm. “What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you’re _scared_ ,” I teased.

“Shut up,” he barked. “I’m freezing my ass off out here, and I want a jacket or something.” It wasn’t freezing cold, but it was still kind of cold for Halloween.

“Well, it’s not my fault you insisted on wearing a t-shirt.”

“Yeah yeah,” Levi growled. Mikasa and Annie came running back to us. Mikasa was holding both bags and was telling Reiner how much candy they got. She seemed overly excited for just a lollipop, but Annie knew how crappy that was, so she wasn’t very enthusiastic. I just know that she’s gonna go places when she grows up.

We followed the girls for a little while longer until we reached the end of the block. We’ve already been to ten houses, so a few more couldn’t hurt. Reiner and Bertl were in back now, and I could practically see Reiner smirking at the way Levi was clinging on to me. Apparently, he hated cold weather, so he wanted me to keep him warm. Mikasa and Annie were in front of us and Mikasa started coughing. Coughing isn’t good at all. I knew I should’ve gotten her a sweater or something.

Annie put her hand on Mikasa’s shoulder, and I could tell that she was asking if she was okay. Cute. What wasn’t cute was the blood that Mikasa coughed into her hand. No, not cute at all. “Holy shit,” Levi whispered. I ran over to her and got on my knees. Her hands were covered in blood and it was dripping from her mouth, coating her white dress.

Levi had kneeled next to me and I looked over to Reiner, who was already calling an ambulance. Bertl carried Annie a little further away from us and tried to give us as much space as possible. Good.

Levi was doing everything he could to try and see what was wrong, but I knew he wasn’t able to find anything. It had to have been something happening inside of her body, and it must’ve been something that didn’t show any signs on the outside. Why didn’t I just skip trick-or-treating and do the damn surgery?

I looked around and saw that we had created quite the scene. A devil and a cat kneeling next to a little angel who was coughing up blood, some giant Hulk guy, and a sweaty vampire trying to keep a screaming Cinderella at bay. There were people pointing at us, and I just know that they’re wondering if this is some sort of prank. Some people are actually waving us away. If only they knew that this little girl’s life was in danger. Maybe then they would pay a little mind to us.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her,” Levi whispered. His eyes were wide and they were twitching a lot. Something doesn’t seem right here. “Come on Honey; try to stay with me, okay? If you stay awake, then Heichou will take you to buy a whole bunch of toys and pretty dresses, okay?” Mikasa had tears trailing down her face, and the blood falling from her mouth wasn’t making the sight any less disturbing. She nodded faintly, and I could tell that she wanted to scream and cry and just leave the pain. But my poor baby can’t. She has to suffer through it until they put her to sleep so they can operate on her. She’s already been through so much, so why is she cursed like this? Why does she always have to experience the worse things that most people don’t even go through in their entire life? And she’s only five. Only _five_ years old.

Annie was wailing in the distance, but her cries were soon drowned out by those of an ambulance. The noisy vehicle stopped near us and the noise soon disappeared, only to be replaced by Annie’s pleas. I hate knowing that she has to go through this trauma, and I really wish she never has to experience this ever again.

Paramedics dispersed out of the ambulance and brought out a stretcher to lay Mikasa on. They strapped her on and brought her into the vehicle, dragging me along so I could ride to the hospital. I looked back at Reiner and saw that he was waving me off. He’s a really good guy, sometimes. When he’s not being a complete asshat, that is. I dragged Levi along with me into the ambulance, much to the paramedics’ annoyance. I could tell they didn’t really want to bring him, maybe because they felt that two people were too much, or they just got a bad vibe from him. Whatever the reason, I don’t care.

The doors closed once I was situated with Levi and the sirens turned on again, filling the air with its cries of attention. I had finally noticed how much I was shaking. Maybe I’ll shake the ambulance so much that it’ll tip over and then they’ll have to call another one.

People were messing with tubes, valves, wires, and pretty much everything else in an ambulance. I could hear Mikasa crying, but I think they put some sort of sedative on her, since they soon stopped. I turned my face in Levi’s shoulder and felt his fingers run through my hair. I knew something wasn’t right with him, but decided to talk about it with him later. Now isn’t the time for worrying about that. Now is the time to worry about if we’re going to make it to the hospital on time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorrynotsorry
> 
> my tumblr is tokiyaismine.tumblr.com  
> i track the tags #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine ~ so if you ever want me to see anything use those tags


	16. Hospitals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited chapter is here!!! Yay~
> 
> Enjoy then, I guess....

**_Levi_ **

Eren’s breathing slowed, and his crying finally stopped. I was seated on a small loveseat, and Eren was curled up next to me. He was hugging his knees to his chest since he was too tall for the chair. I’d already taken off my horns, and Eren had taken off his cat ears and tail. It looked kind of cute on him.

It’s been a while since Eren and I got to this stupid waiting room. Those surgeons were giving Mikasa the surgery she needed, so all we could do was wait for them to finish operating. They’ve been at work for almost four hours now, but I feel like they’re still going to need more time. They’re working on a child, after all. They’ll need to be quick, yet extremely precise, lest they fuck it up.

When we arrived at the waiting room, there were about four other people in here. There was a woman with a small child, an old man, and a man who looked to be in his mid forties. Time passed, and soon it was just the woman with her son, and us. She was quite bothered by Eren’s crying and numerous breakdowns, but how would she like it if her kid was dying before her eyes? How would she react to her son having to go into the hospital countless times before he could be redeemed, ‘healthy enough to go home’? She wouldn’t like it for shit, I bet.

Eren had fallen asleep, so relief had washed over her face all too noticeably. Either she thought he was annoying, or she just really hated how close we were to each other. She doesn’t need to be so forward about it, though. I hate how filthy she is, and I’m not spraying disinfectant all over the place.

I looked down at Eren and toyed with his hair, twirling it between my fingers. He looked cute and gentle; adorable for an eighteen year old. So why is he put through so much trouble like this? He doesn’t deserve it. But, then again, what about when I was eighteen? Did I deserve all that crap, too?

\---

My family has always been rich. My father owned some major corporation and my mother was a supermodel. I was always able to get whatever I wanted, thanks to them. But that was the problem. All the freedom I had to buy what I wanted and do what I pleased. It gave me the thrill I wanted, yet it destroyed me all the same.

When I was fifteen I had decided to do hang out with the wrong crowd. The crowd my mother told me to avoid. She didn’t want me to get ‘tainted,’ so that’s exactly why I did it.

I had bought drugs from various dealers, and I sold them to even more druggies. It was perfect since I would never run out of money, so I would always be popular among all the addicts. 

I had soon gotten into prostituting myself by the age of seventeen. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted a rush. There was no better choice for me at that time than that. I had gotten with numerous girls, but even more guys. I had done it to piss off my parents in case they ever found out, but then I just started doing it for the high it left me with when it was over.

Half a year later I had been invited to join a gang called, _The Survey Corps._ They were a colorless gang, so they didn’t have a symbol or a certain color to put on your bandana. Nobody would know you were in it unless you went to the meetings.

By the age of eighteen I was soon promoted to head of the gang. I was in charge of everybody, and that meant doing whatever I wanted.

I got into countless gang fights, and I won almost all of them. I had learned how to be even better at hand-to-hand combat, but I was even better with a weapon. Needless to say, I put a lot of people in the hospital.

I had learned first aid while I was captain, because I wanted to be able to determine the condition of my gang members without having to take them to the hospital. Hospitals meant paperwork, and paperwork meant questions. I didn’t have time to deal with doctors and what not, so my first aid was the best there was.

Somewhere along the way, I had started smoking cigarettes. It was mostly to take away my stress, but it also kept me away from the drugs I would sell. I didn’t want to get addicted on those and have to go to rehab or some shit, so cigarettes would have to do for me. They still do, but Eren helps me cope with my stress somehow.

I continued to run _The Survey Corps_ for another year until I met Erwin Smith. I was nineteen, and he had just turned twenty. We had been going to school together, and he convinced me to get my shit together and actually start a life. It took a while, but finally broke free of my thug gangs. Tons of people were pissed off. I had stopped supplying drugs, I quit selling my body, and I dropped out of my gang. I’d be surprised if nobody was pissed. I was the best of the best.

But most of all, my parents were flipping their shit the most. I had been using their money to buy all the drugs I needed and anything else I might have wanted. They weren’t very proud of me when they had seen how much money I took, but they soon waved it off since I was their only child.

I had gotten my life back in order, and Erwin soon introduced me to Hanji and Mike. Things went fine; we spent lots of time together, and I even dated Erwin for a while, but it didn’t work out. Neither of us held a grudge over it though, we were just experimenting.

Then, one day, Hanji told me to try out this weird sex club called _Trost_. I told her I didn’t want to, but she wouldn’t shut up so I had to agree. She even recommended somebody for me, so I knew that something was bound to go wrong.

I waited in my designated room for about five minutes before he showed up. He looked like a clumsy kid, and it was kind of endearing, really. I didn’t think there was any way to fuck up the job, besides getting fucked. But, you never know.

I didn’t really want to do this whole thing, but I was already there, so I just decided to go along with it. But, when I saw him, something in me sparked. I wanted to see him more. I wanted to know how he got into that line of work, and I wanted to help him any way that I could. I didn’t want anyone to go through the things I did, and so I vowed to myself to try to find out who he was. 

I didn’t expect the kid to give me his real name, but when he did, I felt like the happiest guy alive. I knew nothing about Eren, yet I wanted to learn everything about him. I don’t remember what I was thinking at the time, considering I was doing something else at the moment.

I wasn’t quite sure of myself, but I had come to the conclusion that I may have had a little crush on Eren. I’m still not sure why, but maybe it was because I saw so much of myself in him. I wanted to protect him with all of my heart, and it spiraled into a love for him. I’ve never loved anybody, so I don’t really know what to expect with the kid. I don’t even know if I actually love him or if I’m just being hormonal all over again. I just hope that my feelings are true.

I know I’m being unreasonable with Eren, but I really can’t think while I’m around him. I want him to be mine, I want to keep him safe, and I want him to be loved like he used to. He doesn’t deserve any of this bullshit. He’s just a kid, and he doesn’t even have a proper education, so why did he get stuck with all this adult crap?

Life sure is cruel.

\---

**_Eren_ **

I opened my eyes slowly and saw Levi looking down at me. Oh god, I fell asleep, didn’t I?

“Good morning, Sunshine,” he greeted.

“What time is it?” I asked. I still felt way too tired to even move my mouth, and I certainly didn’t have enough energy yet to take out my phone.

“It’s like, one in the morning?” Levi guessed. He helped me sit up and I rubbed my eyes. I wonder how I looked to everybody else in the waiting room. Well, to that lady and her son, that is. She keeps staring at me. Was I drooling?

“Why is she looking at me?” I whispered in Levi’s ear, keeping my eyes trained on her.

“She’s been giving me a bunch of weird faces and shit, so don’t worry. Well, we could worry, but I really don’t want to.”

I looked around and took in the horrible scent and scenery of this horrible hospital. Everything was white, except for the doors and the chairs. Those were more of a beige color. Dull and drab as usual.

“Did anything happen while I was asleep?” I asked.

“Some lady came and told me something about insurance and shit, but that’s it,” he answered. “She said that your insurance or whatever doesn’t even cover a portion of the surgery since they’re using top-notch doctors or something, and that you’d have to pay for all of it. It’s fine though, it’s not a lot.” My ‘a lot’ is different from Levi’s. Way different from his. He said that his family has always been rich, so he must think $100 is nothing to spend on clothes. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to keep up with him.

But, he did say that they were using top-notch doctors, right? So that means Mikasa will be safe. That’s great. Mikasa is gonna be alright. My little angel is gonna be safe, I just know it. Everything is gonna be okay.

“But I can’t let you pay for the surgery,” I said. “You’ve been too good to me, and I don’t need you to do all of this.”

“Relax, Eren,” Levi muttered. “I’m doing this because I want to. Just let me take care of you, alright? Even if it’s just for a little while longer.” I can’t let Levi do everything for me. I have to do something for him in return, don’t I? I can’t just let him be my second mother, caring for me and picking me up when I fall. But what do I do for him? Buying him a present is out of the question, since I don’t know anything he likes. Maybe I could start with asking about his hobbies and see what I can get from that.

“What do you like to do?” I asked, all too eagerly. Slow down there, Eren.

“Where’d this come from all of a sudden?”

“Just answer the damn question.”

“Whatever you say,” he sighed. “Well the only things I actually enjoy doing is cleaning, cooking, and baking. In that particular order.” That’s so lame. He might as well join a knitting club or something. “Oh, and _you_ of course.”

He says things like that way too easily. Joke or not, it embarrasses the hell out of me. “Never say anything like that ever again, you got that?” Levi wore a smug look on his face. He’s planning something, I bet.

“Sure thing, _Titan Shifter,_ ” he teased. Oh god, I forgot I had that stage name.

“Levi!”

“I’ll stop,” he laughed. I bet he likes seeing me like this; embarrassed and flustered. I’d like to see _him_ like this.

“Anyways,” I said, trying to change the subject. “You should go to sleep, too. It’s the middle of the night and you haven’t slept at all, so you need to take a nap.” Levi must be tired, too. I’m not the only person who needs sleep.

“I’m not tired,” he complained. He sounds like Mikasa when she wants to stay up later than normal and eat ice cream while watching a My Little Pony marathon. “Besides, I think there’s a doctor over there to either call for you or that chick over there.”

I turned back around to see the lady staring at us, eyeing us like a lion about to kill its prey.

“Eren Jaeger,” the doctor said. I got out of the chair and walked over to the doctor, but he quickly motioned for me to sit back down.

“Is something wrong?” My voice sounded soft and nervous, if voices could even sound like that.

“I’m sorry to say that your sister didn’t make it through the surgery.” What? “I’m afraid she lost too much blood, and there wasn’t anything we could do for her since we hadn’t prepared enough blood bags.” You’re kidding, right? “We’re very sorry for your loss.” She didn’t make it?

“Thank you for everything,” Levi said. The doctor nodded, and after watching me for a few seconds, he walked away. Levi pulled me into his arms and put my head against his chest. “Stay calm, Eren. Just stay calm, and you’ll get through this.” Tears spilled out of my eyes and part of Levi’s shirt turned a darker shade of red, due to the wetness.

Mikasa isn’t here anymore.

I can never see her again.

My little angel is gone forever.

_Mikasa._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO FUCKING SORRY OKAY just... im sorry
> 
> find me at tokiyaismine.tumblr.com  
> I track the tags #fic:the things i do to live #tokiyaismine ~ so if u want me to see something use one of those tags.... yeah


	17. Momma Will Protect You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin is really great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short 'cause i have something planned for the next one, and hopefully chapter 18 will be longer. Waaaaay longer than this. Hopefully it'll be the longest one yet. That said, enjoy uwu

“Eren, you need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Armin sat with me on my couch, trying to feed me cereal. _Rice Krispies_ , to be exact.

Levi already dealt with the hospital and the bills, and it’s been two days since Mikasa passed. Two days without my angel. At least I have a picture of her in her angel costume. It’s my last memory of her, so I treasure it a lot. And I have her scarf since she didn’t wear it on Halloween, so that’s good, too.

“Eren, please eat something,” Armin whined. “Levi’s gonna kill me if he knows that you’re not eating your food.” Levi is at work right now, since he took a week off. His only other days off are on Saturday and Sunday, and Erwin (his boss) said that he couldn’t take any more vacations for a while.

“Maybe I’ll eat if we get takeout,” I mumbled. My legs were pulled as close as possible to me and my chin rested on my knees. I feel like a baby.

“Takeout it is,” Armin agreed. He got up from the couch and started pacing around the living room with his phone in hand. He dialed a number and started talking, but I just tuned him out.

I failed, Mom. I couldn’t protect Mikasa at all. She’s gone now because of my idiocy. If I had noticed the signs; the shivering, the coughing, anything, then she would still be here. I can’t do anything right. I have no family left. I don’t have anybody besides Levi and Armin. Those two are the closest I have to family, and I don’t want them to leave me, too.

I’m sorry.

I was crying, and I was well aware of it. I was hiccupping, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Armin hung up the phone and ran over to me, trying to calm me down. I’d done this plenty of times the past two days, so he knows how to deal with me. But there are still some times when he can’t calm me down, like right now, unless he uses desperate measures.

“Eren, it’s gonna be okay,” Armin whispered. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”

“Not it’s not!” This is the first time I’ve ever raised my voice at Armin, and I just know that he’s either scared, or freaked out. I would be, too, if he started yelling at me. But, I couldn’t bring my voice down. I guess I’m just in one of my shouty moods again. “She’s gone because of me! I fucked up, and now I can’t bring her back!” My voice softened to a slight whisper, and my words were dripping with sadness and regret. “It’s because of me that she can’t enjoy her life. I’m sorry, Mikasa. I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry… Eren…”

Armin wrapped his arms around me and rubbed circles on my back with his thumb. That was usually only one of the ways to calm me down. It reminded me of my mom, so it was no wonder that it always worked. 

Another thing was singing. And thankfully, Armin had a beautiful voice.

“ _Close your eyes,_  
 _You’ll be safe,_  
 _Momma will protect you_  
 _From anything.”_

Armin rubbed my hair and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. I’ve only ever heard this about twice, and this is the second time. His mother used to sing this song to him, so if he’s singing it to me, he must really care. 

“ _Take a deep breath,_  
 _Settle down in slumber,_  
 _Momma will protect you_  
 _From anything.”_

His voice is calm and it sounds like it’s made of silk, if that’s even possible.

“ _You’re doing great,_  
 _Nothing will harm you,_  
 _Momma will protect you_  
 _From anything.”_

I can’t help but be calmed by his song.

“ _Momma will protect you,_  
 _From anything._  
 _Momma will protect you,_  
 _From,_  
 _Everything.”_

I had stopped crying towards the beginning of the song, and I was calm enough to stop shaking. “Thanks, Armin,” I whispered. “You always know what to do.”

We stayed there on the couch for a few more minutes before somebody knocked on the door. Armin got up to answer it and came back with our food. He ordered Chinese food, much to my excitement. Now that I wasn’t crying or upset anymore, I was really hungry. I forgot when the last time I ate was, and I forgot what it was. It’s not like I have a good memory, anyways.

We sat on the couch and ate our food quietly. It was kind of awkward, but it shouldn’t be, right? No, I don’t think it should.

After the meal, we slept the rest of the day. I can’t help but feel bad knowing that Armin is taking time off from work to care for me.

I should do something for him, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the song Armin sang was written by me... and it probably sucks *claps* Hah but who cares
> 
> you can find me at tokiyaismine.tumblr.com  
> im tracking the tags #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine ~ so use those tags if u want me to see anything


	18. There Is No 'Fun' In Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully the length of the chapter is noticeable!!! Usually chapters are 5-7 pages long on Microsoft Word, and this chapter was 12 1/2 pages long ^~^ So uh yeah. Enjoy

It’s been three days since Mikasa left me, so now it’s time for her funeral.

I sat in Armin’s car (he has a silver Prius) and rubbed my palms on my black pants. I really don’t want to go out there and witness her being buried along with my mother. At least I don’t have to make a big speech, right? I had to make one for my mom, and I fucked it up, but for Mikasa, it’ll only be Armin, Jean, Marco, Annie, and I.

“I guess we should go now,” I sighed. I turned around to face Annie in the back seat. “Let’s do it together, okay?” Annie nodded. Her eyes were red and she had red streaks across her cheeks from how much she had been crying. She wasn’t happy in the least that Mikasa left her, and she’s been bawling non-stop. Reiner and Bertholdt let me have her for the funeral though, so I guess that’s pretty good.

I opened my door and got Annie from the back so we could go and stand with Armin where he was waiting outside. He had on a black suit, like me, and dress shoes. Annie was wearing a black, silk dress and dress shoes along with a black headband with white flowers adorning it. She would’ve looked cute on some other occasion, but now she just looks miserable.

I walked over to Armin with Annie in my arms and saw that he had seated himself on one of the five chairs that were in the area. There were tombstones and graves surrounding us, but there were none directly next to us, so we had plenty of room to walk around. My mother’s grave had been dug up and they had placed Mikasa’s ashes in the coffin that was in there. I didn’t want her lifeless body to be in the ground, but I still wanted her to be with Mom. I also got some of her ashes for a necklace of mine. It was shaped like a key, and it was empty on the inside, so the ashes fit perfectly in it.

When Jean and Marco get here is when the coffin will be placed back into the ground. It should take them about ten more minutes to get here. Ten minutes until my baby can rest in peace.

I sat down on one of the chairs next to Armin with Annie on my lap. “What are they going to do with Mikasa?” Annie asked. Now that her best and only friend is gone, she’s been very talkative. Maybe she’s lonely. I should be her friend, then.

“They put her in that box with my mom, so they’re going to put them in the ground,” I explained. “Now they can be together again.” Please don’t cry. Not this early. The funeral hasn’t even started.

“That’s like my mommy,” she said. “Daddy Reiner said that they put my mommy in the ground, too. He also said they put my daddy in there with her. And that’s why I have two daddies.” I’m not sure that’s why she has two fathers, but I don’t want to mess with her head too much.

“Well now Mikasa is going to go into the ground with my mom,” I said. “Then later on, me and you can come and visit them. Does that sound nice?”

“Maybe we can leave her toys so she can play Dollies with your mommy,” Annie offered. She’s a cute kid; it’s just that she’s always been so quiet and reserved. Now that she’s lost somebody she’s gotten close to, she must want to be able to express herself as much as possible so the people she knows will understand how she feels. She doesn’t want them to be mistaken when they eventually pass away.

“We can bring them lots of toys!” I exclaimed. “Then they can never get bored.” Annie nodded and got up from my lap saying she wanted to, “say hi to the other people”. She’s a nice kid.

“You’re taking this better than I expected,” Armin said. I had almost forgotten about him. “I thought you’d still be a crying mess.”

“I can’t cry in front of Annie,” I sighed. “Who knows what she’ll think.” Maybe it’ll make her sadder than she already is, so I can’t shed a tear in front of her at all.

“Well either way, we both know that Jean is gonna cry a lot.” Jean took a liking to Mikasa as soon as he met her, but she didn’t really start liking him until four months ago. Not much time to spend with somebody you care about. “Let’s just hope Marco can keep him in check.”

“I hope he can,” I mumbled.

I looked over to where Annie was and saw that she was kneeling by somebody’s grave. It seemed that she was talking to whoever was buried there, so I didn’t disturb her. Maybe we have more in common than I thought. For one thing, we’ve both lost very important people. I lost my father since he left us, I lost my mother in a car accident, and just a few days I ago I lost Mikasa. Annie lost her mother and father from who knows what. Then she lost her only friend a few days ago, too. We both lead a sad life, don’t we?

I hung my head backwards and closed my eyes, sighing as I bit my lip. Am I ready to say goodbye to Mikasa? Sure, I can accept the fact that she’s gone, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. And I don’t like it one bit. I hate how she was taken away from the world so early in life. It really sucks.

I opened my eyes and saw that the guys who were going to be placing the coffin back into the ground had arrived. Now I just had to wait for Jean and Marco to show up.

I looked down the road and saw a black car park into the parking lot. Jean doesn’t own any black cars, and neither does Marco. Then it must be…

Sasha and Connie stepped out of the car and walked over to where the “funeral” was going to take place. I stood up and Sasha wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. Her plain, black dress brushed against my legs and her black ribbon tickled my forehead.

“I’m sorry this happened,” she whispered. “If you ever need somebody to cheer you up or anything, Connie and I will always be here for you.” I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a quick pat before she let me go. Connie shook my hand and nodded. He was wearing a suit, too. Except he was wearing black Converse with it.

“We’re here for you, Eren,” he said. They know how much I love Mikasa. Not ‘loved’, but _love_. Present tense. They were always around to see how much I would cling to Mikasa before I left to work or to do anything else, really.

And now we are going to run out of chairs.

There are only five.

Ugh. I guess I have to stand.

I hadn’t really expected for the two babysitters to come, but the more the merrier, right? Maybe not in this case, but whatever. After Connie and Sasha sat down and started a conversation with Armin, I walked over to where Annie was crouching in front of one of the many graves.

“What are you doing, Annie?” I asked.

“I was visiting this boy,” she said. I looked over at the tombstone and noted that she was indeed talking to a boy. It read: _Thomas Wagner. 1993-2000. Rest in peace, my baby. May your heart receive as much love as you can get in Heaven._ He was only seven when he died, and he’s been buried here for just about 13 years. Poor kid. “I think he likes trains.” I looked around on the floor and saw that there was a little train toy lying on the floor.

“I bet he does,” I agreed. “Maybe when we come to visit Mikasa we can bring him a little toy train, too. Does that sound good?”

“Mhmm,” she hummed. “Then he can be even happier since he got another toy to play with.”

I picked her up off of the floor and fixed her headband. “Well you should say bye for now,” I said. “Because now we have to go back to Mikasa’s funeral, so we have to see Thomas later.” She nodded and waved her hand at the grave. She just wants to make everybody happy now, doesn’t she?

I carried her back to where everybody was seated. Jean and Marco had just arrived and walked towards me.

“And who’s this?” Jean asked. He flashed a smile, masking the sorrow I knew he felt.

Annie turned her head away and nuzzled her face into my neck. I guess she’s back to being quiet and reserved. “This is Annie,” I introduced. “She’s Mikasa’s friend. But you probably know her as Reiner’s daughter.”

“Hello Annie,” Marco piped up. “It’s very nice to meet you!” Marco smiled and Annie turned around to face him. She held out her hand and he shook it, leaving Jean very disappointed and heartbroken. Kids will never like him.

They took their seats and I fixed Annie’s headband, yet again. I looked around to see where I should put her. She doesn’t like Jean, and she doesn’t really know Marco, so that’s a no. I don’t really think she knows who Armin is, and she never really took a liking to Connie. Sasha it is, then. “We ran out of chairs, so you’re going to have to sit on Sasha’s lap, okay?” I whispered. She nodded and when I put her on the floor, she walked over to Sasha and was welcomed onto the babysitter’s lap. Good.

But now I have to talk in front of everybody. I thought I wouldn’t have to do this again. But at least it’s only like six people, so that’s not really bad.

I clasped my hands behind my back and managed a fake smile. “So, uh, thanks for coming,” I greeted. I’m a real smooth talker. “It really means a lot to know that you guys came all the way over here to be a part of this makeshift funeral I have here for Mikasa.” I fumbled with my hands behind my back and hoped that they couldn’t sense how nervous I am. “And I don’t really know what else to say, now. So why don’t we hear a few words from Jean?”

Said person tensed up when he heard his name and received a reassuring pat from his boyfriend. Jean stood up and walked over to where I was standing and I took his seat next to Marco.

“Thank you, Jaeger,” Jean said, voice laced with sarcasm. “Well, Mikasa was a sweet girl. Sure, she was always quiet around me, but she was still very energetic and loud and it was really cute. I never thought a five year old could be that caring and fun. Then when she came to like me, she had wanted me to give her piggyback rides sometimes. It was nice. I’ll never forget that little smile of hers for as long as I live.” He nodded and walked back over to where I was seated, and I was forced back into the front.

“We might as well make this a thing,” I announced. “Does anybody else want to share something?”

Sasha put Annie in Connie’s lap and walked over to where I was standing. I stole her seat, as well, and she began talking. “Some of you don’t really know me,” she said. The only people who didn’t know her were Jean and Marco. “But I was Mikasa’s babysitter, along with Connie, over there.” She pointed at him and he nodded. “When we would watch her, it was always really fun and I really loved being around her. She’s always so nice and caring, and I loved her so much. It felt as if she were my little sister. And it was nice, y’know? Hanging out with the people you care about, watching over them and all that stuff.” Sasha had started crying, but she kept her words precise and clear. “And so it really sucks having to know that I can never see her again. I just want things to go back to the days where we would watch cartoons together, or where we would draw each other little pictures.”

Sasha couldn’t talk anymore and she waved us off, covering her face as she walked back to her seat. I stood up and was about to signal the worker guys to put the coffin back in the ground when Annie hopped off of Connie’s lap and stood in front of everyone. At least the chairs are in one row, so everybody can see her.

I stood behind her and waited for her to speak. It was noticeable that she wasn’t comfortable being so open around this many people, but I guess she got over that fear. “I’m Mikasa’s friend,” she said, loud and clear. “I want to say thank you, too, because Mikasa must be very happy that you came to see her. Now she isn’t sad anymore.” She nodded and hid behind my leg. Annie probably didn’t plan out what she was going to say.

“I guess it’s time we get things wrapped up,” I said. Those worker men must have been listening, because they started to move the coffin back into the ground. We were close enough to see them do it, but they waved their hands over at us to come to them. I guess now we have to be closer for the actual burial.

Everybody walked over to where they were at, and I could tell that we were one big cloud of gloominess. Marco and Jean walked hand in hand, Connie had his arms around Sasha’s waist while she cried, and Armin was holding Annie’s hand as I walked with her in my arms.

We stood around the hole in the ground, careful that we weren’t too close to the edge. I already knew what to do next. I grabbed a handful of dirt and put some in Annie’s hand, and since we were a small group of people, everybody else grabbed a handful, too, and let it drop on top of the coffin.

Then the workers filled up the hole with dirt and replaced the new tombstone.

 _Carla Jaeger. 1973-2012. Rest in peace, darling._ And below it there were more words added. _Mikasa Jaeger. 2008-2013. Stay safe, my little angel._

When the dirt filler guys (I have no idea what they’re called) left, everybody stayed gathered around the newly placed dirt for a while. It was like we all shared some sort of connection (we sort of did) and just stayed staring at the grave, thinking of our own thoughts.

I’ll visit often, Mikasa. And I’ll stay strong, Mom.

I turned around and began walking back to Armin’s car, unable to be around people for any longer. I heard footsteps behind me, but I just kept walking. “Don’t you want to say goodbye to them?” Armin huffed.

“It’s already done,” I said. “They can leave when they want.” I don’t think I can handle any more of this social interaction for much longer.

“Well, if you say so,” Armin mumbled. He fumbled with the keys in his hands and unlocked his car. I put Annie in the back and sat in the passenger seat, waiting for Armin to drive. “Any specific place you want to go to?”

“ _Rose’s French Cuisine’s_ ,” I said. Armin gave me a strange look, but he eventually just drove away without saying a word. Either he caught on, or he doesn’t care why I want to go there.

~

“Is Levi here?”

Hanji nodded excitedly as she went to go into the kitchen to find Levi. Apparently she always comes here to bother her friends, and she acts like she already works here. She has no shame, I guess.

I waited at my table where Armin and Annie were also sitting. I had told Armin to order for himself and Annie, so he’s been looking at the menu for quite a while. He had settled on telling the waiter to bring two slices of _Tarte Tatin._ He told me it was some sort of pie thing, but that was the easy way to explain it.

Hanji came back with Levi who was wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of dark wash jeans under a long apron. I pleaded with my eyes and hoped he got the signal. Thankfully he did since he brought me to the back parking lot outside.

“What happened?” he asked once the door was closed. I threw my arms around his neck and leaned over so my head could be on his shoulder. This position felt all too familiar.

“She was only five,” I whispered. “She could have lived a happy life.” Levi wrapped his arms around me and rubbed circles on my back with his thumbs.

“It’ll be okay,” he cooed. 

I haven’t seen Levi for a while, so this is a nice change for me. I’ll be able to have somebody to actually care for me while I’m like this. Sure, Armin can give me a hug and all that other stuff, but that won’t really help. With Levi I can have him hold me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and it’ll be fine since it’s one of the many perks of having a boyfriend.

“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. “She was my everything, and now she’s gone. I failed at protecting Mikasa, and now she can never see the light of day anymore.”

“It’s not your fault, Eren.”

“It is my fault, though. If I would’ve paid more attention to her, I would’ve known that she wasn’t well enough to leave the hospital.”

“Nobody could have known,” Levi stated. “You didn’t know that she was going to get sick. If it’s anybody’s fault, it’s the doctors’. They shouldn’t have let her out of the hospital if they knew she was going to need surgery. Blame the hospital, not yourself.”

“But I could have saved her,” I retorted. “I could have taken her back and saved Mikasa’s life if I had paid more attention.”

“Well if you put it like that, then it’s my fault, too,” he said. “If _I_ had noticed the signs, I would have been able to know what to do. I could have prevented her from doing what she did on that night. I could have been her knight in shining armor if I had done something sooner. So technically, it’s my fault, too.”

So Levi blames himself for something that wasn’t his fault. Well, I’m no different. Mikasa’s death probably wasn’t my fault, and it probably had nothing to do with me, but I can’t help but feel remorse for what I did and didn’t do.

“Well when you put it that way, I don’t think either of us is to blame,” I admitted. “But it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. I don’t think I’ll ever stop blaming myself, even if I come to terms with what was at fault for her death.”

Levi moved my head away and pressed the side of his face to my chest. I rested my chin on the top of his head and sighed. I wasn’t even aware that my back was hurting from being bent over.

“It’s still not your fault,” he countered.

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

“Wow. Thank you for ruining the moment,” Levi grumbled. He tried to pull away, but I grabbed a hold of him and held him tight so he couldn’t leave.

“I’m sorry,” I laughed. Levi seemed to have forgiven me, because he pressed his face back into my shirt.

“Did I ever tell you that you look fantastic in a suit?” he asked. “You should wear them more often.”

“I’ll wear it for you if you let me call you Lance,” I teased.

“Fuck that shit. I can have Hanji Photoshop a picture of you in a suit, then.”

I frowned, but my lips tugged upwards making me smile again. I like how Levi can change the mood if it gets too uncomfortable. It’s nice knowing he can do that.

“We should probably get back before they start assuming things,” I said. I let go of Levi but he pulled me down by my neck so we were the same height.

“So let them assume the right things,” he said. “I haven’t seen you for these past few days, so this is the least you can grant me.” Levi hovered his lips on top of mine for a few seconds before his mouth was on me. I placed my hands on his waist to get more comfortable, and he parted his lips. I did the same and felt his tongue slip into my mouth, exploring every crevice and corner in there. His hands tangled into my hair before he broke away. “But, we can move on when you’re ready, kid.”

Levi patted my head and walked through the door, beckoning me to follow him in. My lips were tingling and I have never felt so ecstatic in my entire life. I’d forgotten what it was like to have Levi show some kind of sexual act, and I really wish I could see that side of him yet again. But, I still don’t think I’m ready to take it that far. I like Levi a lot, I really do, but I want our first (second?) time to be special. And that means waiting.

When we walked back into the restaurant, Levi said that he needed to get back to work or that Erwin was going to kill him for slacking off. We parted ways and I sat down at the table next to Armin.

“Well your hair is a mess and I think I can assume that I know what happened out there,” Armin said.

“Think whatever you like,” I stated. I waited for the two blonds to finish their food and asked for the bill. After much complaining on Armin’s side, we had to split the bill. He kept complaining about it not being fair that I was the one paying for it all.

I had Armin drop me off at home with Annie.

“Can I take off this dress?” she asked.

“Sure. Just let me go bring you some clothes before you change, okay?” Annie nodded and sat on the couch awaiting the arrival of her clothes.

I went into my room and looked for a pair of Mikasa’s clothes to give to Annie so she could wear. They wear the same size, so I could probably give them to her. It’d probably be for the best to part with them, anyway.

I put a small blue shirt and a pair of Mikasa’s grey sweats on my bed and told Annie to go change in there. I put the TV on and found a channel that was showing a cartoon and waited for Annie to finish getting dressed.

Maybe Mikasa’s death was a sign. A sign for what is what I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll figure it out someday.

Annie emerged from my room and sat on the couch next to me. “I’ll be right back, okay?” I said. She nodded and I went into my room, closing the door behind me.

I quickly changed out of my suit and into blue pajama pants and a red t-shirt. Nice and comfy.

I went back into the living room and laid down on the couch with Annie watching _Spongebob Squarepants._

How is Annie dealing with this? I know she must be really sad, but what is she even thinking right now? Mikasa was her only friend, and now she’s gone. It’s going to be hard for her to get over this incident. But maybe it’s also teaching her a lesson. Maybe.

Annie fell asleep in my lap and I decided I should take a nap, too. It’s been a long day. Sleep is the thing I’ll probably need most from now on. I’m pretty sure my nightmares are going to return scarier and longer than before, so a peaceful sleep will be more than enough to keep me somewhat happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, you can find me at tokiyaismine.tumblr.com  
> im tracking the tags #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine  
> so if you want me to see something, use one of those tags ^.^


	19. Distract Me, Will Ya?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets a job and some things go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I never thought i would get this many hits on this fic!!! It's nothing compared to other fanfiction, *cough*wimtf, log on, 1994, help me stand*cough* but it's a lot for me <3  
> so yeah enjoy this chapter  
> woooooo

_”Do you still love me, Nii-chan?”_

_“I’ll love you forever and ever until the end of time. And even when time stops, I’ll still keep on loving you.”_

_“I miss you, Nii-chan.”_

_“I miss you too,_ Mikasa.”

\---------------------

 

I woke to the sound knocking on a door. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. Annie was lying next to me, her head nuzzled into my chest. The knocks were heard once again, and I decided that I should probably see who was at the door. I got up and moved Annie into a more comfortable position on the couch and walked over to the door and opened it.

It was dark outside, so that means Annie and I slept the whole day. Great. Outside stood Bertholdt and Reiner. Ugh. They want their kid back.

“Where’s Blondie?” Reiner asked.

“ _Annie,_ ” I corrected, “is sleeping on the couch. Do you want her?”

“Well no fucking shit,” Reiner grumbled. “Can’t we at least spend some time with our daughter without being criticized?” He crossed his arms and Bertholdt nudged him with his elbow.

“Sorry, Eren,” Bertholdt said. “Reiner’s just angry because his favorite show ended in a cliffhanger.”

“Yeah, whatever. Let me get Annie for you two.”

I walked into the living room and left the front door open. I knelt besides Annie and shook her shoulder a bit. “Come on,” I whispered. “It’s time for you to go home.” Annie pried her eyes open and blinked a few times before rubbing her eyes and sitting up.

“Time to go home?” she asked, still groggy from sleep.

“Yep. Time to go home. C’mon, I’ll carry you.” I picked Annie up into my arms and she rested her head on my shoulder. I handed her over to Bertholdt and he took her back over to their truck.

“Hey, Eren,” Reiner muttered. “I wanna offer you something.” Offer me something? Well this certainly is new.

“Offer what?” I asked.

“A job. I’ll pay you $120 a week if you watch Annie while we’re at work, and if I want you to watch her on our days off I’ll pay you $30 per day.” That’s not bad, and I need the money, but I can watch her for free. Wait.

He feels bad for me.

“Sure, I guess,” I mumbled. Either way, money is money. Even if it’s _I’m sorry you have no job and your sister died,_ kind of money.

“You start tomorrow,” Reiner announced. He turned around and walked over to his truck where Bertholdt and Annie were waiting inside.

I closed the door and sat on the couch, bored out of my mind. I’m not tired since I just took a nap, and I really don’t feel like watching TV or anything. What to do… I probably shouldn’t be here alone, because who knows when my thoughts will get the best of me? I need to stay distracted. But how? I could call over Armin.

But Armin is at work. Armin is just about my only friend so there’s nobody else to call. Maybe Sasha and Connie, but I have a feeling they don’t want to be around people right now. Marco is probably trying to comfort Jean, so they’re out of the question. I could always call Levi. I think he’s off of work.

I was about to pull out my phone when I heard another knock on the door. Hooray. More visitors. I got off of the couch and opened the door, and this time it was Levi standing there.

“Levi? What are you doing here?” He was wearing the same dark wash jeans and black shirt, but he didn’t have an apron on.

“Just let me in, I’m fucking freezing,” he mumbled. I quickly ushered him inside and sat him down on the couch. “I figured I shouldn’t leave you here all alone, and you’d probably need a distraction. Like I don’t know… Knitting or some shit. I just wanted to keep your mind astray from bad thoughts.” Am I really that predictable? Well, I don’t think I am in this case. When Dad left, Mom was always doing something just so she couldn’t think about him. So this must be normal. Distractions.

“I was actually about to call you,” I said. “Wait so are you spending the night or something?”

“Why not?” Levi shrugged. “I convinced Erwin to let me have the day off tomorrow. Gullible bastard.” I was about to stand up and offer Levi something to drink when he grabbed my hand and walked me into my room.

“What are you doing?”

“Making myself comfortable.” But did he have to drag me along with him?

Levi made me lay down on the bed and he got in beside me. Does he just want to lie down or what? “So,” I sighed. “What are we doing?”

Levi shifted positions under the covers and placed his head on top of my chest. Our legs intertwined and he hummed. “We should lie down like this,” he offered. “Maybe talk about some things while we’re at it.” So talking is his true intention? I don’t really think talking is gonna work out for me. I feel like I’d burst into tears if I talked about anything personal right now.

“Can we save talking for later?” I asked. “I just really need something else to keep my mind busy.”

“Like what?” Levi asked.

“Anything.” I lifted Levi’s chin up and placed my mouth on his, kissing him for a few seconds before I broke apart. “I just want a distraction.”

“Eren,” Levi said, concern coating his words. “Are you sure about this? I just wanted to lie down together, so don’t feel like you have to do this.”

“No, I’m sure,” I assured. “Let’s just do this, okay?” Levi bit his lip and made a weird noise with his throat while he thought. Almost a minute had passed before he replied with a, “fine.” I’ll admit it: this isn’t the best way to get my mind off things, and I’m probably doing this too soon, but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything right now. I just want some sort of relief or comfort, and this is the first thing I thought of. Now I need to take responsibility for my stupid actions.

I sat up against the headboard of the bed and Levi straddled my hips, placing his hands on my shoulders while I held my hands on his hips. “But are you sure about this?” Levi asked again.

“Positive,” I said. “Trust me. If I didn’t want this, then I would have never suggested it.”

“Well, I guess,” he sighed.

“Nice to see that you’re cooperating,” I teased. Levi was about to say something but I bit his bottom lip slightly with my teeth. Levi slid his tongue out of his mouth and licked my teeth, along with my lip, and smiled. I pressed our mouths together and parted my lips. Levi did the same and my tongue slid into his mouth, feeling the bumps and lines of his teeth. Our tongues slid past each other and next thing I know, we’re fighting for the upper hand. Levi and I battled in our mouth, each of us trying to be the dominant one. After a few more seconds of tongue sliding and teeth clashing, I finally won and Levi ended up submitting to me.

I slid my hands under his shirt and squeezed his waist. His skin felt cold under my fingers, and for some reason that turned me on. A lot. I pulled off Levi’s shirt and he did the same with mine, and soon enough my hands were all over his chest and back. Our mouths were still locked together, and Levi had tangled his fingers into my hair, tugging at it every so often.

I could feel Levi smiled into the kiss and heard him laugh. “I forgot you were experienced in this subject,” he laughed.

“It’s my specialty.” I broke apart from the kiss and moved my mouth next to Levi’s ear. “Get naked for me, will ya? I’m gonna get something real quick.” I bit his ear softly and heard him whine. Ears are a weakness, I see.

“Whatever,” he sighed. “I just hope you’re getting what I think you’re getting.” Levi got off of my lap and stood on the floor, taking off his pants and boxers. Meanwhile I was rummaging through my dresser and looked desperately for what I needed. If it wasn’t in here then I was fucked. My fingers grabbed onto a plastic feeling bottle and some square pieces of foil. I took out the bottle of lube and grabbed a condom from the drawer before throwing them on the bed and taking off my pants and boxers as well.

I sat back down against the headboard and motioned for Levi to straddle me again. “Oh fuck that shit,” he complained. “I’m not doing that.” By now, Levi and I were both hard as fuck, and I think he caught my drift.

“Come on, Levi,” I pleaded. “Just this one time?”

He thought about it for a few seconds before sighing. “You’re lucky you have a fucking condom,” he grumbled. I smirked and helped him on top of the bed. He put his knees on either side of my legs and ripped open the condom wrapper with his teeth. That shouldn’t have looked as hot as it did. He opened it up and stretched it out before slowly wrapping it around my length. Levi even squeezed his hands around my cock a few times just to tease me, and that made me pull his hair.

“Just to be sure it works,” I mumbled. I squirted some lube into my left hand and rubbed it around the fingers in my right hand.

“I can’t believe I’m fucking doing this,” Levi whined. “Just get it the fuck over with.”

I leaned Levi back on the bed and made sure he was lying down before I did anything. “Relax, okay?” I cooed. “And try to control yourself while you’re at it.”

“Shut up, Jaeger.”

Levi looked slightly pissed, but that expression soon changed when I stuck two fingers into his entrance. Levi bit his lip and clutched my shoulders. I had gotten up from where I was sitting and was now leaning over Levi; my fingers inside of him and his back arching into me just slightly.

I stretched my fingers inside of him and moved them around, curling them every few seconds. I could hear Levi’s breath hitch in his throat and his breathing was picking up at a more rapid pace. I stuck my third finger in and Levi let out a small moan. I spread my fingers out and looked for the sweet spot that would make Levi see stars if hit with enough pressure.

After a few seconds of searching, I found Levi’s prostate and tried to remember where it was for later use. When my finger brushed over it, Levi’s nails dug into my skin and he let out a high pitched whine. I smiled and took in the image through half lidded eyes. He truly is a masterpiece.

Levi was blushing furiously and his hair was a mess, slightly coated in droplets of sweat. His legs were wide open, leaving me a very nice view, if I do say so myself. I planted a kiss on his neck before pulling my fingers out of him. Levi let out a small noise of protest, but complied with my wishes.

I sat back down on the bed with my back against the headboard and Levi hovered on top of me. I grabbed hold of Levi’s hands and helped him get into the right position.

I held my member in place with one hand while I used the other one to help Levi lower himself onto me. Time for him to ride me until his hips and legs hurt like hell.

Levi sat himself down on me and a moan escaped through my lips. He felt really hot, and I almost hate how this condom I’m wearing is the barrier that separates me from the inside of him. I used both of my hands as supports for Levi and he began moving up and down on me.

Every time Levi went down a moan would emanate from the back of my throat, and Levi would end up letting out a small whine.

Sweat was dripping off of Levi’s hair, and there was no doubt I was just as messy. We stayed silent, unable to talk due to our rapid breathing and odd noises coming from our mouths.

“Hey, Levi,” I said through pants. “Did I ever tell you how great you feel?”

“Shut the, ah! Fuck up, Eren.” Levi was biting his bottom lip and his head was thrown back a little.

I leaned over and pushed Levi onto the bed so he was lying down on his back, and I placed my lips on his neck. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked. His voice was raspy and rough. _Sexy._

“You’ll see soon enough,” I muttered. I sucked on the skin, pulling at it with my teeth. This should leave a mark in the morning. I pulled away and moved my lips over to Levi’s ear, grazing the skin with my teeth and earning little pants in return.

I was on my knees, mouth on Levi’s ears, a pair of legs wrapped around my waist, and two hands pulling at my hair. Things were feeling great.

I moved my hand over to Levi’s cock and wrapped my hand around it, slowly stroking it and picking up the pace every few seconds. I eventually timed my thrusts with the pumping of my hand, and the sounds Levi made were music to my ears.

“Fuck!” he shouted. “Fuck, Eren, go faster!” And faster I shall.

I sped up the movements of my hand and Levi let out groans of satisfaction. I panted as I bucked my hips in the right direction to find that little sweet spot I discovered earlier. Levi’s nails were now wrapped around my neck, and I was hunched over with one hand holding me up for support, and the other for making a certain someone feel good.

I was close. Like, really close. Between Levi’s pants and moans, the way the inside of his ass feels, and how my hand felt wrapped around his length; I didn’t know how much longer I would last.

Our lips clashed and we were a mess of tongues swirling and teeth mashing together. Levi pulled away and I was honestly disappointed. “Shit, Eren,” he mewled. “If you don’t stop right now I’m gonna come in your fucking hand I swear to god.”

“Fine by me,” I said, licking his cheek from the tip of his mouth to the corner of his eye. Levi shivered and threw his head back only to bring it forward again.

After a few more timed thrusts and pumps, Levi did end up finishing before me. I didn’t stop moving though, partly because I hadn’t reached my climax yet, and partly so Levi could ride out his.

Shortly after, I rode out my orgasm and pulled out of Levi. We lay there trying to catch our breath, and Levi pulled the condom off of me and tied it into a knot.

Levi looked tired, but he sat up in the bed and tried to smooth down his hair. “I’m gonna go take a shower,” he announced. “You can take one with me, but we’re not doing anything besides showering in there.”

Levi got off of the bed and tried to walk, but his steps were slow and a tad bit wobbly. He held onto the wall for support and I followed after him, grabbing two towels on the way.

Levi was already in the bathroom turning the water on for the shower, so I set the towels on the counter and wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my chin on the top of his head.

“I already told you,” he groaned. “We’re taking a shower and a shower only.”

“I know,” I said. “I’ll be sure to focus on taking a shower.” I unfolded my arms from his neck and kissed his cheek before I got in the bathtub. Levi followed suit and I grabbed the shampoo so I could lather it in his hair.

“Reiner offered me a job,” I said.

“Reiner?” he asked. “You mean that guy who looks like a ball of muscle?” I nodded, but stopped because I was standing behind Levi and he couldn’t see what I was doing. I hummed in agreement instead and Levi scoffed. “So what kind of job is it?”

“I have to watch Annie starting tomorrow,” I said. “Reiner and Bertholdt work on weekdays from like 5 pm to 12 in the morning, and they’re off on weekends. He’s paying me $120 a week and $30 for each extra day.”

“That’s not so bad,” he said. “I don’t think it’ll be that hard for you since she’s practically attached to you already.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Stand under the water for a bit.” I moved Levi to where I was standing under the stream of water and began washing the soap out. He closed his eyes and reached his hands out.

“Put shampoo in my hands,” he ordered. I did as told and when he tried to put soap on the top of my head and accidently put it on my nose, I guided his hand into my hair.

We spent the rest of our time showering washing our hair and cleaning our bodies, but I snuck in a few kisses much to Levi’s distaste.

When we were both done, Levi wrapped his towel around his waist and said that he was going to go put on some of my clothes. How cute. I get to see him wear oversized clothes now. _My_ oversized clothes to be exact.

I lingered in the bathroom, getting the blow-dryer out and drying my hair so there was no water left.

“Where’s your washing machine?!” Levi yelled from the room.

“It’s in the hallway!” I yelled back. “There’s a little sliding door on the wall, so just look for it and slide it open!”

I set the blow-dryer down and went into the room to help Levi strip off the sheets from the bed.

Most of the covers were off, and I helped Levi take off the rest. I also took it from him and put it in the washing machine so it could be washed while Levi put new sheets on the bed.

When all of that was done and I was dressed, Levi and I were laying in the bed together.

“Goodnight, Eren,” Levi mumbled. He was really tired, and his voice showed it. Well, it is midnight after all.

“Night, Levi,” I answered. I was behind Levi with my hands wrapped around him, and our legs were jumbled together. An easier way to put it would be to say that I was the big spoon and Levi was the little spoon.

I cannot believe we just did that oh my god. I mean, sure, I wanted something to take me away from my mind for a while, but there was so many other things we could have done. I could have cleaned with Levi, made a cake or something to eat the next day, or even cuddled on the couch. But no. I just had to have sex with him because why the fuck not? God I can’t believe I was the one initiating it. I never even thought Levi would let me top him. Life is full of mysteries; mysteries of why humans can’t grow wings, why birds can’t grow gills, and why Levi would let himself be a bottom.

Levi’s breathing slowed and evened out, and I tried to do the same. Sleep is needed after all. Even though I slept through all day.

I wonder what we’ll do tomorrow with Annie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo
> 
> as always, you can find me at tokiyaismine.tumblr.com  
> for the fic itself im tracking #fic: the things i do to live   
> and if you want me to see anything just to like... see something fanfic related or not im tracking #tokiyaismine


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first part of the story that's in italics is a nightmare - just to get that out of the way. you can skip it if you want. you won't really miss anything in the story if you choose to not read it for whatever reason you may have
> 
>  
> 
> alsoooo i have the next 3-4 chapters planned out, so that's good i think.  
> i just have to figure out how to put it in motion T_T

_Where am I? It’s cold and dark. How did I get here?_

_I walked around wherever I was. It was pitch black, and the walls and floor blended in with my surroundings, so there was no telling where anything began or ended. I hugged my hands to my chest and blinked a few times to see if I could at least control my vision. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, and when I opened them, there was a girl standing in front of me._

_“Take care of her,” a voice said. It sounded like…_ Mom. _Mom, is that you? “Make sure you protect her with your life, Eren. Keep her safe and sound, and lead her astray from any harm that comes her way. Promise me that.” I promise._

_But, who is she talking about? That girl over there? The girl who looks like Mikasa._ Mikasa! _She’s alive?_

_“I love you, Nii-chan!” she yelled out._

_“I love you, too.”_

_Tears stung my eyes, and I was about to go to her, but something was stopping me. A wall? Glass? It’s invisible, and that’s noticeable._

_Mikasa was wearing the same white dress she wore on Halloween. Same dress, same shoes, and the same halo._

_I pounded my fists on the invisible barrier that kept me away from my sister. Why wouldn’t it break?_

_Suddenly, Mikasa was levitating in the air. Her legs were bent backwards and her head was thrown back. Her arms were behind her and her eyes and mouth were open wide. But, her eyes were voids of darkness. Voids that only led to fear and despair, and nothing more._

_“YOU FAILED AT PROTECTING HER!” Mom, why are you yelling so loud? You’ve never raised your voice at me before. “YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE. YOU BROKE IT AND NOW SHE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU’RE A MURDERER. HOW DARE YOU EVEN KEEP YOUR LIFE?! YOU LET HER DIE AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU’RE GOOD FOR NOTHING, JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER! LEAVING YOUR KIDS AND WHATNOT! YOU PROMISE BREAKER!”_

_My mother’s voice filled the air around me and it felt like her words were suffocating me. In all reality, they were. I had stopped breathing and I couldn’t take any air into my lungs._

_I looked over to Mikasa and saw that blood had started to drip from her eyes and mouth. It spilled from her stomach even though there was no wound or cut there. Suddenly, she was floating in a sphere of her own blood. Trapped and isolated with no way for me to reach her. Mikasa’s blood flew at all directions and a very large amount of it landed on me._

_The screeching coming from her tiny mouth never stopped, and my wails joined hers. The blood that touched my skin burned to the touch and I honestly felt like I was going to die._

_“YOU KILLED HER!”_

**-**

“Eren!”

I opened my eyes and felt Levi shaking my shoulders. He looked as if he had been trying to wake me for quite a while; given how frustrated and concerned he looked.

I couldn’t speak or do anything for that matter. My eyes were wide open and I was looking around everywhere, pupils darting back and forth, never staying focused on one particular object.

“Eren!” Levi called out again. “Please tell me you’re okay.” I blinked a few times and focused my eyes on his face. I felt warm streams of water on my cheeks, and they were undoubtedly tears. Levi pulled me closer to him and wrapped me in his arms, forcing me to sit up with him. “Just please, please tell me you’re okay.”

I slowly picked up my arm and it felt as if that one simple action was draining all the energy I had left in me. I picked up my other arm and wrapped both of them around Levi, making sure to hold on as tightly as I could without hurting him. If I let go, he might leave me, too. Then I truly will be all alone.

“What happened?” I croaked. My throat felt dry and my voice sounded raspy and rough.

“You were screaming,” Levi panted. “You kept saying, ‘all my fault’ and you wouldn’t stop. At first it was just a slight mutter, but then you started screaming bloody murder. You kept at it and I tried to wake you for almost ten minutes!”

All the pieces fit together.

“I’m fine now,” I said. I nuzzled my face into Levi’s shoulder and breathed in his scent. He smelled like soap and a hint of cigarette smoke. “I think I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Am I sure? Will I really be okay? Am I just tricking myself into some sort of comforting reality? No, I’m not sure. No, I probably won’t be okay. Yes, I’ve somehow managed to convince myself that Mikasa’s death wasn’t as bad as it was. Her death was one of the worse things that happened to me. Why would I even think of tricking myself like that? She was my whole world, and she’s been ripped away from me. How am I supposed to put up with that? That’s not something I can just forget about and never think of ever again.

“No,” I sobbed. “I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m tired of trying to be strong. I’m tired of trying to get by without Mikasa in my life. I’m tired of having to remember everything. I’m tired of these nightmares. I’m tired of everything, Levi. I’m just so very tired. I’m sick of it all. I don’t want to live knowing that my little sister is gone. Gone because of me. She shouldn’t be dead. I’d give my life to have her back.”

“Eren, look at me,” Levi ordered. I shook my head and pressed my face farther into Levi’s shoulder. He sighed and picked my head up with his hand and made me look him in the eye. “Don’t say that ever again. Sure, you’re going to be sad and depressed for a while, but that doesn’t mean you need to feel like you have to give your life up for hers. What if by some miracle Mikasa is brought back to life but yours got taken from you? Then where will she be? Back in the fucking orphanage.”

“She’d be happier there rather than dead.”

“Would she really?” Levi asked. “Her parents were murdered in front of her eyes, her adoptive father left when she was brought into the family for only a year, and that same year her mother died. Then, the next year her adoptive brother died, too. I don’t think that’s a happy fucking life. I sure as hell wouldn’t be happy. I’d be scared to ever be adopted again, that’s for sure.”

“At least she would be breathing,” I muttered. My eyes turned down and I caught myself looking at the sheets.

“At least you’re breathing, Eren. What’s done is done. You can’t change the past, but you _can_ change your future. Instead of moping around about somebody’s death, you could be living their life for them. Live as if you’re trying to make Mikasa happy. Live like she’s right next to you, Eren. Maybe when she sees how you’ll be able to manage in life, she’ll finally be able to rest in peace. Try to make something out of yourself. Don’t just complain about something that’s already happened. Live like you were supposed to.”

“A life without Mikasa is a life not worth living.”

“And what about before your family adopted her? You were fine. You didn’t need her for more than half of your life already. You just have to learn to accept her death and how it had nothing to do with you. Maybe then you’ll be able to see how great your life will be worth.”

Levi is somewhat getting through to me, but I just don’t want to move or do anything. I just want to lie around and do nothing for the rest of my days. This is probably stupid considering how people have it worse than I do, but I just don’t feel like living anymore. It’s my fault Mikasa died, anyways, right? So why even bother?

But there might still be some hope for survival if I keep looking. It’ll be a pain in the ass, but that means there’s still a chance I might change my mind. I might get my life back in order.

“I just don’t know anymore,” I mumbled. Levi was sitting on top of me, and I was forced to sit up in order to actually see him. It’s not the best position to do this, but I really feel like I need a hug or something. Anything, really.

I wrapped my arms around Levi’s neck and pulled him back onto the bed with me. Levi was laying on top of me and I was holding him as close to my body as possible.

So many things are going through my mind.

Do I resent myself because I was the cause of Mikasa’s death?

Do I want to see what my life will become now that I see how cruel life is?

I don’t even know what I want anymore.

“I don’t know what to think,” I said. “I just can’t deal with all this stress right now.”

Levi shifted himself so that his face was pressed against my chest and his legs were wrapped around one of mine. “You’ll know in a matter of time,” he said. “You just have to be patient.”

We spent the rest of the morning lying in bed, cuddling and trying to calm myself down. I really feel like I should warn Levi about how my nightmares will become more frequent and more terrifying as time passes, but I don’t want to ruin our moment. I don’t think I want to plunge the mood into something serious and worrying again.

There was a knock on the front door and I assumed it was Reiner here to drop off Annie.

“I’ll get it,” Levi said. He got off of me and the warmth from his body vanished, leaving me cold and alone. I’m back to where I started. Back to when Armin couldn’t lift my spirits unless he sang to me. But, I have a feeling Levi won’t do it and he can’t do it anyways with Annie around. I guess I’ll just have to figure something out so I can keep my emotions at bay for a while.

I got off the bed and left the room so I could find Levi. He was on the phone talking away and Annie was sitting on the couch next to him. When she saw me her eyes lit up and she walked over to me, dragging me by the hand and taking me to Mikasa’s room.

_Mikasa’s room._ Am I mentally prepared to be reminded about her? Probably not. But I have to be for Annie’s sake. I have to be strong for her.

Annie pushed the door open and we stepped inside Mikasa’s room.

The walls were pink and the carpet was white. There were My Little Pony stickers covering the walls in little clusters and there was a small castle (taller than Annie but shorter than Levi) in there. Toys were scattered about on the floor. Barbie dolls, Hot Wheels, MLP figures, and even Bratz dolls.

Annie sat down on one of the three beanbags that were placed in the room. She sat on the blue one while I sat on the green one, leaving Mikasa’s pink beanbag empty. She picked up two figures from the floor and handed me one along with a little toy Ferrari that was red. She grabbed one of Barbie’s pink convertibles and placed it in front of her and began speaking.

“Who took all my apples?” she asked. She held a small Applejack figure in her hand and shook it gently to emphasize the talking. I got my Rainbow Dash figure and did the same.

“I wonder,” I said. “I’ll go look for the thief in the air! You look for them on the ground, okay?” Annie made Applejack nod and I made my toy fly in the air.

It’s funny how I didn’t have any second thoughts on doing this with Annie. I used to do stuff like this before, too, but I guess this time is more special. It brings back good memories from when Mikasa, Annie, and I would just be together like this.

“Whoever took my apples is in big trouble,” she said. “Nobody takes my apples and gets away with it!”

“I found the culprit!” I yelled. I took the toy in my hand and held it next to Annie’s. “The thief was nobody other than, Pinky Pie!”

Annie gasped a very over exaggerated gasp. “Let’s find her!”

Levi stepped into the doorway and smirked. “Well well well,” he said. “What do we have here?”

I looked up at him and smiled. “Great timing, Levi,” I said. “Sit on the pink beanbag and grab the pink pony on the floor.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Grab it!” Annie yelled. “You need to learn how to be nice so you’re going to play with us. You got that?”

Levi laughed at the way Annie said that. It didn’t sound angry or anything, but just cute. A five year old ordering around a twenty-six year old. How about that. “Whatever you say,” he laughed. He sat down on said beanbag and picked up Pinky Pie from the floor. Has he ever watched My Little Pony?

“How dare you steal my apples?!” Annie yelled. “I ought to send you to Princess Celestia.”

“It was all part of my plan!” Levi yelled. “Now you’re stuck in this room! You’ll never escape the Surprise Party of Doom!”

I was about to continue, but there was a knock on the door.

“Rainbow Dash is gonna be right back,” I said. I stood up and left the room, heading for the door. I opened it and in front of me stood a pizza delivery guy holding a pizza. Was Levi ordering a pizza on the phone? Ugh I need to get my wallet. “Uh, hold on for a moment.”

“Levi!” I yelled. He came out of the room and threw my wallet at me.

“Sorry, sweet cheeks,” he said. “But you’re paying for this one. Have fun, darling!” Order a pizza without telling anybody and then make your boyfriend pay for it. Such great manners.

I went back into the doorway and held out my money. “How much is it?” I asked. His face looked annoyed and disgusted. Just before I went to get money, he looked pretty neutral. He certainly didn’t have any of these mean emotions across his face, that’s for sure.

“20 bucks,” he said. Even his tone sounded annoyed. Weird. I handed him the money and he gave me the pizza. When he walked away, he coughed into his hand. “Gay faggot.” He must’ve heard Levi talking to me. Well, whatever. It’s not like I need his judgment, anyways.

I closed the door and set the pizza on the kitchen table. “Now why did you order this?” I asked. Levi came back out into the kitchen, but this time with Annie.

“The girl wanted pizza,” he replied.

I looked down at Annie and raised my eyebrow. She nodded and put her hands behind her back. “Daddy Reiner said for me to eat here,” she said.

I grabbed my phone from the counter (when did I leave it there?) and looked at the time. It was only 11 in the morning. Reiner and Bertholdt don’t need to leave to work until 3:30 pm so they can get dressed on time, so why did he leave her this early?

“Well,” I sighed. “Daddy Reiner is gonna be in big trouble with me.”

“Well, Daddy Levi is gonna smack both of you if you let the pizza get cold.” I turned to Levi and saw that he had his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

“No he’s not,” Annie laughed.

“You wanna bet?” Levi asked. He scooped her up in his arms and began spinning. Annie was laughing and Levi stopped, only to spin in the other direction before letting her down on the couch.

“But you didn’t smack me,” Annie said between giggles.

“Well maybe I want to eat pizza,” Levi said. “And maybe I don’t have time to waste on you because I want to eat.” Levi sat on the couch next to where Annie was laying and began tickling her sides.

She laughed even more and I smiled. Levi’s pretty good with kids. But I don’t think he’s ever had kids of his own. I wonder why he’s so good at this.

I turned away from them and got three paper plates. I set them on the table and began putting pizza slices on them. One for Annie, two for me, and Levi’s plate will be empty because why should I serve him when he made me pay for unexpected pizza?

I walked into the living room with the two plates and set them on the coffee table. Levi looked over and stopped tickling Annie so she could eat. “Well you’re rude,” he said. He flicked my nose before going to the kitchen to serve himself.

“Well you’re rude, too,” I smirked. I sat down on the couch next to Annie and took a bite from one of my slices.

I could get used to living like this. Having Levi care for me, having Annie at my house, and having company with me. It might be nice.

When we finished eating, Annie wanted to watch TV, so we did. For the rest of the day. It’s like that girl lives on cartoons, I swear. But it was fun nonetheless. Fun because I was spending time with somebody.

I felt a sense of normalcy in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me at tokiyaismine.tumblr.com
> 
> im tracking the tags #fic: the things i do to live #tokiyaismine  
> so use one of those if you want me to see something....


	21. Ups and Downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know why this took so long  
> this chapter is short as heckie  
> im so sorry like wow procrastination at its finest

It’s been a week since I started watching Annie, and I guess it’s been 2-3 weeks since Levi and I started dating, if that’s what I can even call our relationship.

I sat on the couch with my head in my hands, taking deep breaths so I could calm down. It’s only been about a week since I lost Mikasa, yet it feels like forever. I want to see her so bad. I want to see her smile. I want to hear her laughs. I need to be with her. I just can’t stand the thought of her not being with me. It’s lonely, to be honest. Lonely and quiet would be the words that describe my home.

Thankfully Reiner and Bertholdt had the day off today, so I can sulk and mourn in peace. At least until Levi stops by. He’s been checking up on me every few days, and today is one of those days. He should be here in a little bit, but I don’t feel like having anyone over. I just want to be alone.

But I’ll always be alone here. There’s nobody to keep me company. Nobody for me to face when I wake up in the morning. No more sparkling, bubbly little Mikasa to watch.

I still remember when she told me what she wanted to do when she grew up.

_”Nii-chan! I know what I want to be when I grow up!”_  
“And what would that be, my angel?”  
“I want to learn Japanese and teach the kids there.”  
“Well, you’re almost there, sweetie.” 

She seemed so happy when she talked about her future. She always looked happy, actually. Even when she wanted to cry and be sad, she was always doing her best to keep smiling. Mikasa just wanted to protect everyone around her and do the best that she could.

And now she can’t do that anymore. No more laughs, smiles, or anything for that matter. It’s all been crushed. Just when I thought I could make her life better, it was all torn from my grasp. I thought I could make Mikasa happy, but no. Her life just had to be taken away from her. Life can be beautiful, but the cruelness of reality takes it all away.

I removed my hands from my face and put them in my hair, tugging at the strands. Maybe if I do this long enough, the emotional pain will go away and will be replaced by physical pain, instead. Tears fell from my eyes and left dark spots on the white carpet beneath me. 

I heard a knock on the door and quickly wiped at my eyes and nose before opening the door. I let the door hang open before turning my back to it.

“Jesus, Eren, what happened?” Levi asked.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just really need to be alone right now. Can you like… leave or something? I don’t know. I don’t really want any company, and I think it’d be better if you left instead of watching me be all sad and shit.” I heard the door close and a few footsteps before arms were wrapped around me.

“It’ll be okay,” Levi murmured. “I want to help you get through whatever this is.”

“JUST LEAVE!” I yelled. My body tensed up as I felt Levi’s arms unwrap from my waist. “Fucking hell. I’m sorry, Levi. I just really want to be alone.” I turned around and watched as Levi’s facial expressions changed. They seemed to range from worry to confusion and maybe a little mix of anger.

“Eren,” he whispered. “If this is about something I did or didn’t do, I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything,” I said. “It’s just that… Fuck it, never mind.” I turned my back to him again and covered the right half of my face with my hand.

“Just what? Tell me and I’ll be able to make it right.”

I took a deep breath and gave myself a sad smile. “I hate how you’re doing this,” I whispered. My tears didn’t stop falling, and if anything, I’d say they were falling faster. “You have no idea what I’m going through, and I hate it so fucking much. You have no idea how much pain I’m in, and it bothers me a lot. I don’t know why, but it does. It just fucking does.”

“Eren,” Levi said. “I know what you’re going through, and I know what you’re feeling. Don’t think that this is brand new to me.”

“No you don’t,” I said through a shaky breath. “You have no idea how I’m feeling. I’m sick and tired of you saying that you do.”

“EREN!” he yelled. I turned around and looked at Levi through wide eyes. No matter how frustrated I might have made him, he’s never raised his voice at me before. I don’t think anybody has, really. “I know what you’re going through. You remember when I told you I was in that gang and how I did first aid for the gang’s participants? Well I’ve lost plenty of people like that. I’ve had way too many people die at my hands because I was either doing something wrong, going too slow, or I just didn’t know what the fuck to do. I’ve lost countless men and I’ve felt the way you’re feeling right now numerous times. And it sucked because I wasn’t allowed to grieve or mourn like you could. I had to live and forget, and my pain was unbearable. I know what I’m doing.”Levi’s voice had sounded like it was holding back a certain emotion. Anger? Guilt? Pain? Whatever it was, he hid it well. But not well enough for me to not notice the strain on his voice.

And I’m being a fucking idiot again by not thinking things through. I didn’t even bother to process what I was saying. Everything’s fucked up now because of me. “Fuck,” I whispered. I put both of my hands on my face, covering at all, but leaving my mouth able to speak clearly. “I’m just a fucking kid who doesn’t know anything. I just… fuck. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t even thinking and I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.” I should probably stop talking, unless I want to mess everything up even more.

I’m so stupid. I don’t think anything through, and that’s a major problem. I just say whatever I’m thinking. Sometimes I even say things I’ve never even thought about. I’m just ruining everything by running my mouth.

“I need to go home,” Levi muttered. He turned around and opened the door, but I pulled him by his arm before he could leave.

“Levi, I’m sorry. I was being stupid. Just don’t be mad. Please.”

“Let go.” His words sounded forced and his voice was wavering.

“Levi,” I whispered. I tugged at his arm and made him turn around to face me. He turned his head down and kept his eyes focused on the floor. “Talk to me.”

“Let me go,” Levi ordered. “I need to go home. I have to leave.” I grabbed Levi’s chin with my hand and picked his head up so he was looking at me. His eyes were watery and I could tell they were holding back tears.

It just now occurred to me how selfish I was being. Throughout the time I knew Levi, I was making everything about me. I never asked him how he was feeling, and I never even took the time to try and care for him like he does to me. I made Levi worry about me, yet I never took the time to listen to anything he had to say. Hell, I didn’t even think Levi could feel like this. As stupid as that sounds, I truly believed he was invincible.

I pulled him closer to me and wrapped him in my arms. Levi just stayed in my grasp with his head on my chest, but that was enough. He was sobbing quietly into my shirt muttering inaudible words, but I probably wasn’t meant to hear them anyways.

We stayed standing there for quite a while, but Levi had calmed down a minute or two after I grabbed him. He picked his arms up and wrapped them around my waist. “Sorry about that,” he said.

“Sorry for what?”

“That whole scene. I’m a grown man, I shouldn’t be crying like that. I never really wanted you to see me like that.”

“It’s fine,” I said, rubbing his hair with my hand. “You’ve probably kept your feelings bottled up inside, so this was a good release for you. And if anybody should be apologizing, it should be me. You have to put up with my stupid ass, and I know that must be tough. I can’t do anything right. Especially talking, if you haven’t noticed. Plus, I’ve been acting really selfish and inconsiderate.”

“Damn right,” he chuckled. “Respect your fucking elders, kid.”

“You’re only eight years older than I am.”

“But I’m still older, which makes me one of your elders.”

“Whatever you say, Grandpa,” I snickered. “But I really am sorry. I’ve been worried about my own problems and I haven’t considered you or your feelings.”

Levi nodded and we stayed standing there together for a bit before he said, “Do you have any tea?”

We just got out of a tense situation and he wants tea. “No. But I have stuff for coffee.”

“Forget it then,” he said, disgust present in his tone. “Let’s just sit down.” We awkwardly moved over to the couch and I let Levi go so he could get his own personal space, but he moved right back to my side.

“So,” I sighed, wanting to change subject. I never was one to like tense atmospheres and this feels unbearable and humiliating. “Why don’t you have a car?”

“Good job,” Levi laughed. “I can always count on you to change the subject in that expert way of yours.” His head was in my lap and he was twirling a piece of my hair in between his index finger and thumb. It was nice, to be honest. Having Levi lay his head in my lap, lips tugged upwards at the ends ever so slightly, and just sitting there together. It felt relaxing.

“I’m sorry. I’m no good at this. But seriously, why don’t you have a car?”

“They’re stupid,” Levi responded. “Why waste money on gas when you can just walk everywhere?”

“What about when you go grocery shopping?” I asked.

“I call Hanji so she can help me with the bags,” he said. It’s like he has a solution to everything. “But I can get a car, if you want.”

“You don’t need to get a car,” I said. “I was just curious.”

“I could buy you a new car for your birthday.” He’s dead set on getting me one. “When’s your birthday?”

“No, you’re not getting me anything,” I said, trying to look as serious as possible. Levi pulled a strand of my hair before twirling it in his fingers again. “It’s on March 30th. Speaking of birthdays, when’s yours?”

“December 25th,” Levi stated. “Don’t worry; you don’t have to get me anything. But, it’d be nice if you went with me, Erwin, Hanji, and Mike to a special place.” A special place? “We have this tradition where we go visit the orphanage on Christmas and spend time with the kids there. It’d be nice to have someone else come with us for a change.”

The orphanage, huh? There’s only one where we live, so that means going back to the very same one that Mikasa and Annie were at before they got adopted. It might be nice to go there, but I really don’t want to. But I need to stop being selfish, so I’ll do it. “Sure,” I agreed, “I’ll go with you guys.”

“Great,” he smiled. Levi picked his head up and planted a quick kiss on my lips before closing his eyes in my lap. “Now I have something to look forward to.”

Levi’s breathing slowed down and that means he must’ve fallen asleep on me. I don’t blame him. He’s been at work, cleaning and cooking and doing who knows what, and we just finished arguing (if that’s what I can call it).

I stood up from the couch and picked up Levi, wanting to put him on the bed. Well, I would have stood up and carried him, but he’s really heavy. He looks light and thin, but looks can be deceiving. I settled on just grabbing a blanket from the floor that was next to the couch and putting it over him. This should keep him warm enough.

It seems as if most people want to protect me. Levi just so happens to be the one that’s doing it most these days. But, I can’t rely on him forever. I have to be able to support myself just like I used to. No more leeching off of other people.

So, tomorrow I’ll go job hunting. It might not be the best way to start off my independent lifestyle, but it’s still a start. Even if I’m not going to be 100% independent.

I’ll make sure I won’t worry anyone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i think im gonna do something different okay  
> so just hear me out
> 
> i was thinking of doing something like you guys send me prompts and i could write a oneshot for it and publish it here  
> it doesnt have to be for snk. it can be for any other anime/manga/book/game or whatever as long as i know what it is and what happens. it can also be any ship or just whatever like friendship or some shit  
> so yeah if u want me to write u something you can message me at kisalovesyou.tumblr.com/ask
> 
> but like use that one okay not my actual tumblr  
> and as always, my personal tumblr is tokiyaismine.tumblr.com


	22. No Sleep For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's best to keep quiet at night, unless you want a certain somebody demanding certain things from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. im so sorry this is late and im even more sorry because this chapter is really short. like wow i just.... im sorry
> 
> but at least i have the next 2 weeks off from school so thats more writing time am i right?
> 
> oh and one more thing..... this series will probably have a few (maybe 4-5 idk) chapters left, and then i'll be starting part 2 for it!!! so that'll be a nice change of pace.

_”Happy Birthday, Mr. Levi!”_

_“Thank you, sweetie.” Levi sat cross-legged on the floor next to me, wearing a red sweater with small white stripes on it. Mikasa was in my lap wearing a pink sweater with a reindeer on it, and I was wearing a green sweater with big white stripes._

_“Nii-chan, when is_ my _birthday?” She never was a patient girl, was she?_

_“It’s in February,” I laughed. “February 10th, so you only have two more months to go.” She wiggled in my lap and left, saying something about “getting a secret present.”_

_Levi got up and straddled my hips once Mikasa was out of sight and gave me small kisses on each cheek. “Where’s my birthday present?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my neck._

_Without even thinking, I placed my lips on his and kissed him, smiling while it went on. “_ That _was your present.”_

_“I found it!” Mikasa came running out of the room and handed Levi a paper, not even batting an eyelash at the position we were in._

_“I love it,” Levi smiled. It was a drawing of the three of us holding hands with Mikasa in the middle. Cute._

_This is my new family, and nobody can change that._  
-

I looked around and realization settled in. It was only a dream.

I moved my head a bit and felt my neck ache and feel great at the same time. Levi was still lying on my lap, so I couldn’t move an inch. What time is it anyways? It’s dark, so it can’t be morning. I don’t think I can go back to sleep.

I grabbed a piece of Levi’s hair and twirled it in my fingers just like he did to mine last night.

I wonder if I’ll ever stop having nightmares or dreams like this. I know I got them even before Dad left us, though I have no idea when they started. Maybe these horrid dreams are here to haunt me for everything I did wrong. If that’s the case, then I’ll never stop having them. My life is pretty much one big fuckup after another.

I sighed and closed my eyes, seeing nothing but pitch black. As long as I’m awake right now, I should probably plan my day out.

Getting a job is going to be hard. I don’t think I ever finished high school completely, so that ruins any chance of me even going to college. Without a diploma or degree, I’m pretty much limited to fast food and convenience stores. I haven’t worked anywhere else besides my old “job,” so I can’t put anything on my nonexistent resume.

But I really don’t want to work at a fast food place, so convenience store it is. Maybe. The pay is shitty, so do I really want to go there? I’m getting enough money watching Annie, so I could just stick with this job. It’s not like I can do anything else that’ll give me this much money in a week. I think. I’m still tired; I don’t have the energy to do the math.

Job hunting takes too much effort, especially when my range of choosing is extremely small. You could find the tiniest ant in the world, and my choices would still be smaller than that.

I groaned, rather loudly, and felt Levi move around for a couple of seconds before he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. “Eren,” he grumbled, sleep still lingering in his voice.

“Hm?” Why did I have to wake him up? He really needed the rest, so I just fucked up a good night’s sleep.

“Should give me a bath,” he mumbled. His eyes were still closed and a small smile was on his face. He’s sleep talking. How adorable. “We can have some fun. Fun, fun, fun.” He chuckled and threw his arms around my neck, trying to find my mouth with his own, but failing miserably.

He’s definitely nowhere near awake. What kind of dream was he having anyway? “No, Levi,” I said. “Go back to sleep.” I pried his arms from my neck, but they found their way back.

“Stop it,” he whined. He lingered on his _S_ ’s, making him sound like a snake. “Let me kiss you.” His mouth went into a pout, and he put his head on my shoulder.

“Not happening,” I laughed. I honestly never knew Levi could get like this.

But if he’s like this…. Oh god I don’t think I even want to know what’s going on in his head right now.

“You cocksucker,” he grumbled. “Give me kisses.” So even if he’s asleep, he’ll still be an asshole. Two can play at that game.

“Sit up and I’ll kiss you until your lips fall off,” I snickered. This should be good. Levi sat up; eyes still closed, and tried to grab me. I quickly jumped off the couch and watched as he fell face first onto the couch. Maybe that was a little much, but at least I didn’t try to assault him in any way.

“What the fuck?!” Levi yelled. He sat up again and his eyes were wide open. He was moving his head around in different directions, probably trying to see in this darkness.

“So you’re awake,” I assumed.

“What did you do?” he groaned.

“ _I_ didn’t do anything! You’re the one telling me to do all these weird things, so I should be asking you the questions.” 

“I’m not answering any of them. It’s like five in the morning, I have the afternoon shift tomorrow at work since some shithead decided to quit, and I need to stay there until almost midnight because of Erwin’s stupid ass. I’m sleeping and you can’t fucking stop me.” Blah blah blah. I should be the one getting upset here.

More importantly, did he say somebody quit? I’m sure I can get Erwin to hire me. I could be a waiter or something. That’ll work out perfectly. Unless I fuck up. Then that won’t be too good for me.

“Hey, Levi,” I said. Levi got off the couch and stretched before turning to walk towards my bedroom. “Levi.” No answer. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Lance,” I called out, hands on my hips. Said person turned around from where he was standing in the doorway and crossed his arms. Got him.

“Well isn’t Jaeger over here getting cocky with me?” Please tell me I didn’t push it too far. “I dare you to say it again.”

What’s life without having some fun, right? All or nothing. “Lance,” I cooed.

Levi strode over to me fairly quickly and grabbed my wrists before pinning me to the closest wall. “If I answer you, will you shut up?” I nodded quickly, worried about what he would do. It’s not like he’d actually hurt me, but that doesn’t exactly mean it’s still not an option. “What?”

“You said somebody quit at your job, right?” Levi let me go and crossed his arms, clearly annoyed I was asking him questions when he could be resting.

“So?”

“So, what if Erwin let me work there?” I asked. Maybe having connections with a worker will get me somewhere without having to give somebody my resume. Hopefully it will, because I have no idea how to even put one of those damn things together. Do you just write your name and what you’ve done before or what? I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world.

Levi closed his eyes for a few seconds and pressed his fingers to his temples. “I’ll ask him, but only because I don’t want to mess with you right now. I want to sleep, so sleep is what I’m getting.”

“Fine by me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can send me prompts/suggestions for a oneshot fic at kisalovesyou.tumblr.conm/ask  
> my personal tumblr is tokiyaismine.tumblr.com
> 
> and im tracking the tag #fic:the things i do to live
> 
> also, kisalovesyou.tumblr.com will be the blog i use to post updates and to just say anything about any of my fics, so yeah..... you can always check to see what i post on there i guess


	23. Visits and Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Annie hang out, and Mr. Cool Guy gets trained for his new job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will probably be the last one, and then i'll start part 2 for the series!!! So next chapter will take a while since i want to get both the last chapter in, and the first one for part 2 on the same day.... so yeah
> 
> p.s. my laptop is being a butt. it doesnt wanna work sometimes so... that sucks

“ _You have training tomorrow, so don’t be late.”_  
“Don’t worry, I won’t. See you then.”

I put my phone back into my pocket and smiled to myself. Tomorrow I would learn how to be a waiter. I should probably get Erwin a thank you gift because he hired me, but I have no idea what he likes. Maybe I’ll ask Levi later. I turned around and saw Annie fidgeting in her seat, fiddling with her thumbs. That smile I had earlier soon disappeared.

“Are you ready?” I asked. Annie nodded, and I stepped out of the car so I could take her out. I set her next to the ground and grabbed a toy train from one of the back seats. Today is the day Annie and I decided we would visit Mikasa, and after a long debate, we decided to visit that boy again. I think his name was Thomas, if I’m not mistaken.

“Are you still going to be my friend?” Annie asked as we were walking through rows of graves. She asks the weirdest things at the weirdest times.

“Huh?” I looked down and saw that she was staring straight ahead, biting her lip. “Of course I’m going to be your friend,” I said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because I was only friends with Mikasa,” she mumbled. “Daddy Bertholdt says that sometimes people leave if something bad happens. He said that one time people stopped liking Daddy Reiner because of a mistake he made, and they left him all alone.”

“I’ll always be your friend,” I assured. Why is she even thinking of this? She shouldn’t be having these thoughts at this age. I wonder what it’s like at her house… What exactly are they telling her? “Just because Mikasa’s gone, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you anymore. We’ll always be best friends forever!” Annie is a really sweet girl, and I’d hate to leave her. Hopefully I’ll be able to stay friends with Reiner and Bertholdt and be able to see how much she grows up. It’d be nice knowing there’s somebody I’d want to see in a few years.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

We walked in silence until I found where Mikasa and Mom were buried. I can’t help but wonder if Dad came to visit. Has he even heard what happened? He probably has, considering how much of a sneaky bastard he is. But, there are no new flowers or anything, so I can’t tell if he came here or not.

Annie grabbed the toy train from my hand and crouched next to the side where Mikasa was buried. Well, where some of her ashes were buried at least. “Hey, Mikasa,” she said. “Eren and me got somebody a toy and we’re gonna give it to him later. I think it’ll make him happy. Everybody likes toys, so he should like it, right? I wanted to bring you a toy, too, but I didn’t know what to bring. Next time I’ll have Daddy Reiner help me pick.”

I grabbed the string wrapped around my neck and pulled the key-shaped locket out from under my shirt. I held it in my hands and stared at it, wishing it would bring her back to life if I stared long enough.

“Yesterday Daddy Bertholdt was talking about you,” Annie continued. “He said that he thought your hair was pretty, so I made my hair look like yours. I felt like a princess, so now I know why you like your hair. But today I put my hair how it always is. I don’t think I want to change it anymore, because I remember when you said you liked how it looked, so I want to keep it that way forever.

“But maybe I’ll make it look different sometime; like when I play dress up. But I don’t think I’ll play dress up anymore. It makes me feel sad because you’re not there, so maybe I’ll play something else. Or I can make up a new game to play with Eren. I’ll try to have fun. You always liked to have fun, so that’s why I will, too. Then I can make you happy.”

I picked my head up and stared at the sky, letting a small smile appear on my face. It was cloudy today, and a little cold. I probably should’ve worn more clothing or at least something thicker. A long sleeve shirt seemed like enough this morning, but it’s really thin and not very warm at all.

“Eren and I need to leave, okay? We’re gonna make somebody else happy, too,” Annie announced. “Make sure you don’t forget about us, alright? We’ll come back another time.” She stood up and turned to look at me.

Annie and I walked over to where Thomas was buried, and she immediately started talking as if she actually knew the kid. It’s not that it bothers me, but it’s sad. Annie lost her parents when she was younger, like Mikasa, so she’s never really had a family. She used to be rude and quiet, and Annie always seemed bored. But I guess Reiner and Bertholdt changed that. Now she seems more alive and as if she’s having fun. She just wants others to feel better, too.

It breaks my heart.

After Annie suggested we leave, we went home and just lazed around. We ate ice cream, watched TV, played some games; anything to get out minds somewhere else.

Reiner came by later and took her home.

-x-

“Do you seriously not know how to carry a platter?”

“I’m trying!”

I sat down at a table next to Hanji and rested my chin in my hand. “Having more than one thing on it makes it hard to hold right,” I complained. “It’s too hard.”

“You little shit,” Levi sighed. “I don’t even work on the floor, yet I can carry it just fine. Hell, even Mike can hold it right and he stays in the kitchen all day.” Levi crossed his arms and stared at me, waiting for me to talk probably.

Yesterday was the last day I got to be lazy and do whatever. Today I would have to start training for my new job, and it sounded more fun than it actually was.

Erwin said that the restaurant was closed for the day, so it was the perfect time for me to get the hang of things. He had Mike making small and inexpensive things every once in a while, and Hanji was supposed to play the role of the customer. Levi was helping me do my job right, and Erwin was supervising.

“You’re hopeless,” Levi said, putting his fingers on his temples. “I can only imagine how you’ll be when you have to write down the orders. Maybe the customers won’t mind as much as long as they get some eye candy.”

“So you _want_ them to check _me_ out?” I assumed.

“Exactly.”

I put my head in my hands to cover my face and bit my lip. “I don’t think that’s what I wanted to hear,” I muttered. “You should be helping me even more so they don’t have to do that.”

I moved my fingers a bit so I could look out of one eye and saw Erwin look away with his hand covering his mouth. I moved my hands away completely and turned around to see that Hanji was walking towards the bathroom; she had her hands pressed against her mouth.

“Congrats, Levi; you’re boyfriend of the year,” Erwin laughed.

“They’re gonna do it anyways,” Levi said. “Have you seen the outfit you need to wear? I’d be surprised if they _didn’t_ stare at you.” He sat on the chair next to mine and rested his head on the table. “Did you want me to swoop in here and make out with you when somebody even glanced your way?”

“You know what I meant,” I mumbled. I didn’t want to have to rely on looks. I wanted to be able to do my job right so I didn’t have to rely solely on that. “I just want to be able to do my job right.”

“Alright,” Levi said, sounding very annoyed. “But you better be prepared for the hell I’m gonna put you in. I don’t care how much I like you, I’m not gonna go easy on you.”

“Try me,” I taunted.

 

Levi ended up making me work nonstop, teaching me how to take orders right, carry a platter that had drinks and food, and how to work the cash register. He told me about which days were the busiest and how to deal with whiny customers (even though there weren’t many).

~

“Can I turn on the TV at least?” I asked. Levi lay next to me, his forehead pressed against my chest and his legs intertwined with mine.

“No, you can’t,” he declined. “I want you to focus on me, and only me. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.” We’ve been lying on the couch together since we got to my house, and that was about thirty minutes ago.

“Fine,” I sighed. “Was there anything in particular that you wanted me to focus on?”

Levi closed his eyes and wrapped one of his hands around mine. “Did I ever tell you how much I like you? Well, I like you a lot.”

“I know, I’m pretty great. Who _wouldn’t_ like me?” I smiled and Levi laughed a little before returning the smile. Even though he couldn’t see me. Who cares, I made him laugh.

“You fucking brat,” he chuckled. “I was trying to be nice. Don’t go spoiling the mood with your stupid comebacks.”

“They’re not stupid if you liked them,” I teased. I leaned my head down and nuzzled Levi’s head with my nose. “But if you need to know, I like you too.” I wrapped my arms around Levi and placed him on top of my chest instead of having us lay side by side like we were. He rested his cheek against my chest and put both of his hands in my hair, keeping his eyes closed all the while.

“Well, I’m pretty great, aren’t I?” Levi laughed.

“But compared to me, you’re a total loser. You don’t stand a chance against me,” I said. “I’ll have all the ladies swooning faster than you can clean dishes.”

“And that’s totally why you’re dating a guy right now,” he said. Levi opened his eyes just so he could roll them at me and closed them again. “You did a great job of making them swoon, Jaeger.”

“Ha ha ha, very funny,” I deadpanned. “You have me clutching my gut with such wondrous jokes. I bet those jokes could make any person fawn over you.”

“And that’s exactly what you do every day,” Levi said matter-of-factly.

“Shut it, you loser.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was so short like wow
> 
> i'm tracking the tag #fic: the things i do to live  
> go here for updates on any of my fics, or to send me any prompts you may have: kisalovesyou.tumblr.com  
> go here for my personal blog: tokiyaismine.tumblr.com


	24. Happy Birthday, Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve, and what's better than having some good ole fashioned birthday sex? Or.. well.. something close to that, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said the next chapter was the last, but I'm having some trouble writing it so I decided to post a mini chapter to show that I'm still writing this fic. I didn't want to wait this long to update, so this little chapter should be enough, right?
> 
> Who cares anyways. You get free smut hooray.

Working on Christmas Eve is the worst. Don’t even try telling me it isn’t, because it is. I’m just grateful I don’t work in retail, because it gets really crazy around the holidays there; especially with last minute shoppers. But, I don’t sell things. I’m just a stupid waiter who waits for orders to be done cooking.

Yesterday some woman who looked about 23 left a note on the table that told me to call her. Of course, when I picked it up, Levi snatched it and put it in the garbage. And now it’s today, and she’s back for more.

I had just got finished giving somebody their food when she called me to her table, accompanied by another woman. “Did you get the note yesterday?” she asked. She seemed kind of… nervous, maybe?

“Ah, sorry about that,” I apologized. “You see, my lover took it away from me.” I gave her a sheepish grin and held my platter against my chest.

“Well what a shame,” she said. “That girl’s a lucky one.” I looked across the room and found Levi cleaning a table, probably making it cleaner than a restaurant needs.

“Actually, I think I’m the lucky one here,” I smiled. “Please enjoy your meal.” I walked away and went to another table that needed me, apparently wanting another bottle of wine.

-x-

“Are you sure you don’t want anything? I’d feel horrible if I didn’t get you something.”

“I’d feel even worse if you did.”

Levi and I were laying on the couch together, me on my stomach, and him laying face down on my back. We’d been like this since we got home almost 3 hours ago.

“But I’d feel like not just a shitty boyfriend, but a shitty _person_ as well,” I stated.

“You’re already a shitty person,” he laughed.

“Wow, rude,” I laughed. “I don’t see why I can’t get you anything. I have the money for it, so why not?”

“Because I said so.” I felt Levi press his cheek against my back, and he started playing with my hair, pulling it every once in a while. “I already told you that coming to the orphanage would be enough, right? That’s all I want.”

But it’s still not enough. He deserves so much more.

“If that’s how you feel, then I’ll respect your wishes,” I complied. “But I still feel like you should at least get something else from me.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Something romantic-like I guess? It’d certainly be fitting for the occasion.”

Levi got off of me and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the bedroom. I don’t think I really need to explain why.

I lay on my back, Levi propping himself on top of me with his elbows. He smiled and moved his mouth over to my ear, licking my earlobe once before speaking. “This should be romantic enough for you, hm?” He nipped slightly at my ear and I felt a shiver run down my spine. Of course I had to suggest this. I don’t really mind, but I already know Levi wants to be the one in control. No more dominance tonight, Jaeger.

“Maybe a little _too_ romantic, but I’ll survive,” I joked. I pulled Levi down so his chest rested on mine and tilted his head to face me, planting small kisses on his cheek and jaw line. Levi put his hands under my shirt, spreading his fingers over my abdomen. I gasped at the coldness of his palms, shuddering from the contact.

I pulled Levi towards me for a sloppy, yet enjoyable kiss as he moved his hand down to start palming me through my pants. I rolled my hips into his hand and slid my tongue over his teeth, letting a small, quiet moan emanate from me. Levi pulled away and laughed when I tried to bring him back for another kiss. “Why don’t we take a trip down memory lane?” he muttered.

I was already half hard, but for some reason, seeing Levi lower the waistband of my pants with his teeth drove me crazy. He pulled them off with his hands after they were lowered, probably only using his teeth for show. “Maybe it’ll give me time to wake up and smell the roses,” I smiled, realizing how cliché that sounded.

“Maybe it’ll give me time to wake up and smell _your dick_ ,” Levi laughed. I swatted him on the head with my hand which only led to more laughter.

“Happy birthday to me,” Levi mumbled. He stared up at me with half lidded eyes, dragging my boxers down and removing them like he did with my pants. I bit my lip, trying to seem somewhat calm. Well, at least not _desperate._

Levi grabbed my length, sliding it into his mouth. His tongue flicked over the slit, making me arch my back slightly. I grabbed the sheets and held them in my hand, needing something for my hands to do. Levi put his hand at the base, stroking and squeezing it while his tongue darted over the head. I looked down at him and saw his arm moving up and down at a pretty fast pace, doing something I could only imagine. At least I’m not the only one getting something out of this.

Levi pulled away, bringing his tongue to the base and licking up the shaft, swallowing me whole. A whine escaped my lips, much to my dismay. Levi moaned, sending vibrations throughout my cock, in turn making me shudder.

I bit my lip and threw my head back, letting out another whine. Levi pulled me out of his mouth and I watched as he got his free hand (technically it was the one that _wasn’t_ stroking himself) and put it in his mouth, sucking on his fingers until they had a good amount of saliva on them.

“Looks like we’re gonna alter memory lane tonight,” Levi said, voice hoarse and scratchy.

He spread my legs apart even more and placed a finger at my entrance, rubbing his finger over and around it before finally sticking a finger in. It didn’t feel cold, but it still felt weird. Levi stuck in a second finger and began scissoring them, grinning whenever I would let out even the tiniest of mewls. He curled his fingers in, finding my prostate not long after.

A small cry seeped through my lips, and I soon found myself being hit with waves of pleasure one after another. “Levi,” I choked out. “No more…”

“Your body begs to differ,” he grunted.

Levi fingered me for a few more seconds, and I ended up releasing on my chest, Levi following only a minute after. He crawled up and pressed his head into the pillow that was next to my shoulder.

“I feel dirty,” he said, muffled by the pillow.

“You’re the one who decided to do this,” I panted. “I was thinking of something more along the lines of _having a nice dinner_.”

It was so quiet I would have thought Levi fell asleep had it not been for his deep breaths.

“Just come take a shower so we can clean up the sheets,” was all he said.

I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was a minute or two after midnight.

Happy birthday, Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a long time since i've written smut okay
> 
> send me prompts at: kisalovesyou.tumblr.com  
> message me or shoot me asks or whatever at my personal: tokiyaismine.tumblr.com


	25. Christmas Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orphanages aren't as bland as they seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah yeah guys i know i took like 400 years for this and its so short and it sucks and im sorry  
> and im also sorry because i cant do the part 2 like i promised and yeah whatever

“I see you’ve brought a newcomer with you,” the way too bright and bubbly lady said. She wore her thick, black hair tied in two ponytails and had the reddest lips I’d ever seen. “My name’s Mina. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She extended her hand towards me and I took it, shaking it, probably a little too firmly.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Eren,” I nodded. We parted and she put her hands behind her back, a smile spreading across her face. I still think she’s a bit too happy considering where she works, but at least it means she loves her job. Right?

“Well I don’t think I need to explain much to you,” she said. “Just have fun and try not to break things, I guess.”

“Sure thing,” I laughed.

Mina then took the time to tell us when and where certain activities were going on and what to do at them. There wasn’t much to do. There was making Christmas ornaments out of paper, cutting paper snowflakes, coloring pictures, making macaroni art; it was just normal kid stuff. We each went our separate ways when she finished explaining; Mike and Hanji going to make ornaments, Erwin heading towards the children that were making paper snowflakes, and Levi and I making our way to help with macaroni art.

-x-

“That’s totally not fair,” I whined, nudging Levi’s shoulder with my head.

“Maybe you should work on your art skills, then.”

“You’re being so mean to me, Levi.”

We’d been making stupid pasta pictures for about half an hour and I have never been more upset in my entire life than right now. I was sitting in a small chair at a table and was minding my own business, gluing noodles to my paper plate, and then Levi decides to hit my elbow with his. He just goes and messes up the perfect artwork I was working on.

“I’m not being mean, am I?” Levi asks a little boy, sliding his macaroni owl in front of him with a smile.

“Nope! Not at all!” The boy smiled and took Levi’s plate, running off to show it to his friends. Bribery: the dirtiest trick in the book.

I put my head on the table and let out a sigh, eyeing my horrible work of art that was next to me. And the macaroni truck I was making.

“When will I be saved from such trickery?” I smiled and let out a small laugh, wanting nothing more than to keep talking with Levi. For some reason, he was a completely different person around children. I know he’s not going to use the same foul language and everything, but it seems as if his whole attitude shifts, too. It’s a nice change from the usual Levi I know and love. “I’ll be sure to tell Hanji about this.”

“Oh, not the four-eyed queen! Anyone but her,” Levi pleaded, making his tone higher than usual. He put his hand in my hair and messed it up, probably letting that be the most affection I was going to get while we were at the orphanage.

“I’m gonna get you back,” I warned. “Just you wait. You won’t see me coming.” 

“I know something else you could do so I wouldn’t see you coming,” Levi whispered, pulling a strand of my hair.

“Levi, no,” I groaned.

And of course I had to be stuck with him for the rest of the day.

-x-

The five of us met up shortly after outside, wanting to look around the “backyard” of the orphanage.

There were green trees creating a barrier along a fence line, most likely to create some privacy for the building. A small, rundown play set sat in the far right corner of the area, next to a play house. A flowerbed could be seen in the left side of the yard, and the middle of the clearing was nothing but green grass.

It smelled fresh and clean; quite the opposite of what I’d expected. I thought the orphanage would be old and dirty, just like in most movies I’d seen. Instead it was seemingly alive, kids running around and having the time of their lives. They weren’t as sad as I thought they would be, and I couldn’t help but remember the days when I was just like them; happy and carefree, always wondering what sort of fun I wanted to have next.

I stood against the brick wall and inhaled the air around me, letting myself remember what it was like when I last came here. Someone else was in charge, maybe Mina’s mother, so the place was different. It wasn’t as bright and friendly as it is now. It felt more depressing in a way, and it makes me feel better knowing that it got turned around; it was no longer some place for unwanted children. I mean, it kind of was, but it wasn’t that upsetting. The kids here were actually having fun, and that was what made this place wonderful.

Hanji walked up to me, standing against the wall with her hands in her pockets. “He seems like a different person, right?” Levi was at the play house, sitting inside of it with a couple of girls who looked no older than four. Erwin and Mike stood outside of it, wanting to get into the house to join the tea party.

“Yeah, he does,” I agreed, tilting my head to the side. “Do you know why he likes kids so much?”

“Well, it’s kind of a touchy subject for him, so I see why you don’t know,” she nodded, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You know how he told you about the days when he was in a gang and all that other junk? Well, before that, his parents never really paid attention to him. They still don’t, but that’s not the point.

“When Levi was growing up he never really had anybody to rely on, so he was always alone. He decided to rebel and make his parents upset, so he joined a gang and did all that other stuff. His parents were mad and upset, but they got over it; the two of them let Levi do whatever he wanted and let him spend all the money he needed. He decided he didn’t like that; Levi wanted his parents to care.

“So, when he thought of it that way, he began to want to care for children. He wanted to make their lives better than his was, and he just ended up clicking with them. It’s a cute story when you think about it.”

I slid to the ground, pulling my legs up to my chest when I was seated. Levi’s a really kind person, isn’t he? He might seem like he doesn’t care about anybody, but he’s not like that at all. He’s sweet, gentle, and polite. Whatever, the point is that he’s an amazing person. Levi just wants to keep everyone safe… Safe because he wasn’t when he needed to be.

“I wonder if Levi will tell me more things about him in the future,” I said to myself, resting my head on my shoulder.

-x-

The time soon came for us to leave, and I think Levi was the only one to try and stall so we would stay longer. It might be his birthday, but that doesn’t mean he can get away with whatever he wants. I think that might be more of a reason as to why he shouldn’t get what he wants.

We all went our separate ways, not including Levi and I since we went back to the house and slept for the rest of the day. (Kids are really tiring and I have no idea how Mom was able to put up with me.)

But right before I fell into the depths of slumber I realized something.

I might have completely fallen for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to complain to me at marco-boot.tumblr.com ahah


End file.
